Friday, June 20, 2008

VSO's 100 Blogs...100 Typos: 10 - 1

The long and winding road has led us to this, the final edition of the VSO 100 Blogs...100 Typos countdown. Like the recently canceled NBC series "Las Vegas", all good things must come to an end. Ninety entries have passed and now it's onto the all time top ten! I guess if you're some kind of insane "Victor Sells Out" fanatic (it's understandable) then you may have already narrowed down the final group of ten by the process of elimination; but for the rest of the people out there with jobs and lives, I'm sure you're all in torturous suspense over what made the final spots. I would say the extended delay between the previous post and this one was to create the adequate gravitas for the final unveiling rather than the simple fact that I was lazy, but then I'd be a liar.

So for one last time, lead me to the blogs:

10. So I might as well begin to put some action in my life
December 21, 2007
Recently the last of my second semester grades finally tricked in through the registrar. In all, I actually ended up doing slightly worse than my first semester (which weren't exactly head of the class like numbers to begin with). I'm not sure really how to account for this discrepancy. I was equally lazy and unmotivated and was just as confused on the finals as the first semester. I might say that I stayed the same and my classmates got better, but nothing has shown me that most of them are any less lazy, unmotivated, and confused as the previous semester. That only leads me to conclude that I just haven't been listening to enough Judas Priest during finals time. I had eschewed my first semester anthem "Breaking the Law" for gimmicky trends like "silence" and "non distracting ambient music" to my eventual under performance. Could it be that along with possibly causing suicides, the influential British metal of Priest, aids in the studying process? I'll have to test that theory for my upcoming Civil Procedure Final in July. If you need me you'll find me in the 2nd floor study area with my notes, my Glannon Study Guide, and a copy of "British Steel".

9. It's Pat! 33 Things I Remember About Patrick Ewing
April 8, 2008
I actually had a lot of fun, reminiscing about Ewing and 90s Knicks basketball while coming up with my 33 memories (fortunately I didn't create for myself the unenviable task of writing a post about fellow Hall of Fame big man, George Mikan). I really do miss the days when the Knicks were consistently, rock solid, good and weren't made up of players that I have nothing but contempt for. Despite my great desire to see the Knicks make their way back to respectability, I have to say I'm still not that optimistic despite all the recent developments (new GM, new coach, high draft pick). All the talented management and coaching in the world still won't immediately turn around a team full of bad players with even worse contracts and since Ewing, the Knicks have had a less than stellar history of first round choices (Frederic Weis, John Wallace, Michael Sweetney). Knicks should think about re-signing Charles Oakley, he may be 130 but I'm sure he'll still play solid defense and gets a few boards a game.

8. Negligent like candy
February 14, 2008
Perhaps one day in the future I'll have kids; and maybe one day they'll come up to me on their hoverboards and self lacing shoes and ask their old man what life was like growing up. If I'm too busy or lazy to provide a long, complicated answer that actually provides detail and depth about adolescent life at the turn of the New Millennium, I'll just tell them to watch the "Candy" video. More so than those other "iconic" teeny bopper videos of the late 90s-early 00s, "Candy" somehow manages to give me a brief, fleeting, genuine, flashback to that period of time. I can't really explain it, maybe it's the dated portable cd player she's using, those ugly "New Beetles", the skateboarding, or the fact that we're the same age. Whatever it is, the whole thing comes off as just slightly more real then those Britney or Nsync videos which have gone through the nostalgia machine so many times they've lost all meaning to me. Oh, and it will also show my kids what life was like before our apocalyptic war with the machines.

7. Soundtrack Serendipity (Not the soundtrack to Serendipity)
October 20, 2007
The mind is just this hollow chamber filled with little rubber super balls of thoughts, ideas, memories, etc all uncontrollably bouncing off each other. Every once in a while two seemingly completely divergent thoughts will smash into each other and suddenly it'll all too briefly make sense. That's basically the above entry in a nutshell. Looking back over it, I thought two things: there sure are a lot of improper admission and omission of commas and semicolons and how the hell did I ever think of these connections? I guess that's the only advice I can give to being at least an interesting writer, just keep filling your head with enough random, useless, crap that eventually some will form an unholy union and something fresh and interesting will come out. Of course filling your head with such things will most likely also make you completely useless as a productive practical member of society.

6. Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider...Sitcom shows go to college to completely suck
September 8, 2007
Thus far the successful college sitcom still remains one of the great challenges of the sitcom genre. The setting rules for a successful sitcom now seems to stand at (in chronological order):
For a genre based on comedy, it sounds like a pretty empty and unfulfilling life.

5. Being There
November 19, 2007
Even though it only happened a few months ago, that big scary writer's strike now seems like such a distant memory. I truly feel sad for anyone whose quality of life was seriously hurt by the lack of scripted prime time programming. I look at all the generic, uninspired crap the networks throw at the prime time TV viewer and wonder how anyone could lower their standards of entertainment so much to build their nightly viewing schedules around it. With some minor exceptions, I could have waited this strike out for years without getting the shakes for new episodes of "Viva Laughlin" or "Men in Trees". The saddest thought of all is that there's a serious group of people whose lives are so bland and uneventful that any sort of escapism, even sub par network TV escapism, is worthwhile. To those I just want to mention that at any given time there's a 90% chance that rerun of "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" on Nick at Nite is better than whatever prime time fare you're watching.

4. 877-393-4448
January 22, 2008
The single search phrase that drives the most people to my blog's humble little corner of the internet is not even a phrase at all; it's "877-393-4448". Aside from youtube links to the clip, as of this post, my "877-393-4448" entry is the very first item you get when you Google the number. I have to begrudgingly admit it, but thus far, it is still probably the best commercial I've seen all year. It has all the elements that make up a quality TV spot: it's memorable, it puts the product at the forefront, it's creative, it creates a positive, happy image of the brand (no small feet considering the amount of misery associated with cable companies, and it was repeated like hell. All of this combined to wear down even the most cynical of TV watcher, an absolute coup for the marketers. The new commercial, on the other hand? Extremely disappointing.

3. You, Me, and Dupre
March 17, 2008
Quirky Pop-Up Factoid!: This article was far and away my most popular article due to it being pick up by some random internet news roll. The exposure of hundreds upon hundreds of new viewers a day made for an interesting week and a half. I could have taken this lesson to heart and only wrote stuff about the latest and juiciest pieces of tabloid fodder that may have attracted more people, however I had to maintain my commitment towards articles about unpopular esoteric pop culture and gratuitous self congratulation. I also must say I've enjoyed the wild three or so months under our kooky legally blind interim governor, David Patterson. Right after taking the job he admitted to pot and cocaine use, plus an extramarital affair, made the state honor out-of-state gay marriages, saved Off-track Betting, and pardoned the Ruler himself Slick Rick. I really hope he decides to go for his own full term.

2. "One Two, One Two Punch, Mac!"
August 9, 2007
I'm not really sure why I like this entry so much. By my usual "Punch Out" standards it's a pretty underwhelming effort. I usually make it up to at least Mr. Sandman before getting completely pwned. I think if you broke it down, it may be my most ambitious single entry. It's probably the longest in terms of writing and all those shots were actual game footage, carefully taken and meticulously cropped and formatted. The whole thing sort of comes off as a documentary (think "King of King" except I play both the hero and the villain and neither are all that good at the video game). The astonishing thing was I don't recall the whole process of writing that entry all that strenuous, which is crazy considering how much of an effort it is for me just to put up a fluff piece that's 75% pictures. I'm just going to have to chalk it all up to some divine, Punch-Out loving, hand; guiding my own to spread the word about the greatest boxing game the NES had to offer.

1. I don't know how to put this but we're kind of a big deal
July 20, 2007
Was there any doubt? There were a lot of fine, interesting posts in the old archives but how many of them detailed the single greatest moment of my life thus far? I don't want to throw out any spoilers but if I ever do a 100 Blogs...100 Typos Strikes Back this will still be number one. It will still be number one until I ever have reason to write another post about how I won more money then I've ever seen in my life by being awesome on national TV...which I doubt will ever happen again. People like to say things like "when I got married" or "when I held my newborn child" or some other sentimental hogwash as the greatest moment of their lives, 9 out of 10 times that's bullshit. Anyone can get married, anyone can pump out a kid. Your moment is more likely some big thing you won, or some beautiful person you fucked, or some sweet revenge you got, or some amazing flawless, day you had. By its nature, the best moment of your life should tend to be something completely selfish and self serving. If you're honest with yourself you'll realize that best moment was when everything you wanted worked out for one brief shinning instant in time. This was mine, and that's why it's the final entry.

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