Five More (Slightly Belated) Random 4th of July TV Marathons That Have Very Little to Do With The 4th of July

Is it safe?

The biggest problem with static, date specific, holidays like the 4th of July is that it falls on a weekend every two out of seven years thus greatly weakening their work stopping powers. It was only by the grace of a last minute change of heart by the boss that I actually got Friday off and the benefit of the three day weekend. Unfortunately there are many a workplaces that don't subscribe to the artificial three day weekend policy when it comes to weekend 4th of Julys. I say it's downright Un-American to nullify the classic July 4th three-day weekend just because of a technicality on the calendar. Denying a hard working American their patriotic right to celebrate their nation's birth by over-eating, over-drinking, playing around with dangerous explosives, and watching copious amounts of marathon television? What did our Founding Fathers fight for anyway then?

I must first apologize for the slight belatedness of this year's five marathons. I am quite aware that a good portion of the day and many a marathons have already passed before I realized my posting obligations (I've personally been soaking up the old "Twilight Zone" marathon since yesterday evening). While we may be getting a slightly late start, I assure you, faithful readers, that the following marathons are guaranteed to last at least through the late evening hours (and some well into the 5th). So without further needless delay here are this year's five most random marathons.

BET - Sister, Sister

Really? "Sister, Sister"? I know the BET lineup isn't exactly stacked with long-running, classic shows, but I really think they could have done better than "Sister, Sister". It's not that I have anything against those sassy Mowry sisters (the Williams sisters of the American sitcom), I watched my fair share of their five or so year run on the WB when I was in middle school. What exactly is there about the completely generic, white America friendly, nature of this show that just screams Black Entertainment Television. Comparatively,"Sister, Sister", makes "The Parent 'Hood" look like a Gil Scott-Heron spoken word album. I would have preferred a "Wayans Brothers" marathon or maybe some sort of day long, hastily put together, Michael Jackson retrospective.

Possible Spin for the 4th: I guess you can look at the cast of "Sister, Sister" as a sort of dramatization of the fulfillment of the American Dream. Tamara's well to do father Ray is a self made man with his own company and a giant house that everyone moves into. Tia's mother Jackée is enjoying the fruits of the American promise of upward mobility by moving into Ray's big house. Tia (the smart one) is a model student and upstanding example of how education and a strong family support system can improve anyone's station in life. Tamara's goofing off and constant partying also, in a away, demonstrates the American Dream that minorities can have entitled lazy idiot children just as well as rich old waspy families.

USA Network - James Bond

This is seriously one of the most weak-ass marathons I have ever seen. It's just five random James Bond movies from 9 am to 11 pm. I think there were just regular weekdays on Spike TV that played more Bond movies. This random fiver of movies, aside from failing in terms of length of marathon programming, also fails in terms of depth of marathon programming. For the first two you have "Dr. No" (the fairly boring first film) and "Thunderball" (vintage Connery); and then the next two jump ahead about four decades and three Bonds, to "The World is Not Enough" and "Tomorrow Never Dies" (adequate Bronsnan). Finally the day is capped off with the new "Casino Royale". It seems pretty obvious that the good folks at USA tried to slap together a "marathon" with the cheapest and easiest Bond films they could get their hands on. Makes you miss those old month long nightly Bond movies on TBS.

Possible Spin for the 4th: It's definitely a hard sell for the 4th when you have a marathon of Eurpeon movies about a British secret agent who travels to exotic locations that rarely include the United States. In addition, the most prominent Americans in the series have been: generally useless CIA second banana Felix Leitter and the bumbling Sherriff J.W. Pepper. I guess you can say that James Bond touches on general American values of resourcefulness, toughness, ingenuity, and heroism; but then again what culture doesn't value those traits (please no French jokes)?

Disney Channel - Hannah Montana

Disney Channel goes with the "showcasing your prestige show" route with its Hannah-thon. This is a preemptive announcement of the marathon since it's actually slated to begin at 1 pm tomorrow. So if you were ever thinking about watching a ten hour block of Hannah Montana on a Sunday afternoon, then this is your opportunity. Apparently it all leads up to the premiere of an hour long new episode, so it's a nice little pot of gold at the end of the long rainbow. If only all marathons could reward you like that.

Possible Spin for the 4th: I guess Hannah can bee seen as a wholesome, ideal, all American, girl next door. I'm not sure what kind of songs Hannah sings, but I'm sure they're not subversive or Anti-American. On a deeper level, one might read the constant tension and conflict between her real identity and her stage persona as demonstrating the complex duality of our great nation; the rich and varied tableau of the American population and landscape and our historic and current struggles to reconcile our realities with the lofty goals of equality and prosperity that we were founded on. Or something like that.

Discovery Channel - The Deadliest Catch

This appears to be another case of a channel showing off their money programming via marathon. I've never actually seen a full episode of this show but I'm amazed by the surprising success of it. I mean, wouldn't the novelty of watching crabbers pulling in cages full of crustaceans in inclimate weather wear off after the first season at the most? It's not like fishermen are dying every other episode right? Is it really the deadliest catch when there's no dying on camera? All the marketing would seem to indicate that every episode involves the crew braving towering "Perfect Storm"-esque waves and fighting sea monsters straight out of "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea". The risk can't be that high, otherwise the price of a mediocre dinner at Red Lobster's would be astronomical.

Possible Spin for the 4th: Well, few things are more American than straight up hard working ambition and gumption. From the harsh beginnings of the early settlers, to the gritty patriots that fought for Independence, to the hearty pioneers of Manifest Destiny, to the men who've walk on the moon; daring Yankee ingenuity and ambitiousness (as demonstrated by the fearless crew) is what made this country into the superpower it is today.

TV Land - Andy Griffith Show, Roseanne, Leave it to Beaver

TV Land is taking an interesting route by cobbling together three shows to form one long marathon. Looking at the schedule, Andy, Roseanne, and the Beaver are working in rotating shifts. Currently, it's Andy Griffith until 8 when Roseanne takes us through the night until the Beaver takes over sometime tomorrow morning (actually. if these schedule is accurate, there will be a slight 4 hour break from the marathon from 8 to 12 for an airing of some show called "She's Got the Look" and Oliver Stone's "Born on the Fourth of July"). I like how the shifts were set up. Andy Griffith and Leave it to Beaver, with their sugary, idealistic 50's-60's sensibilities and story lines clearly belongs in the daytime hours; while the gritty, decidedly unromantic, modern day suburban slice of life that is "Roseanne" belongs after dark.

Possible Spin for the 4th: All three shows, despite their differences are pretty choice examples of middle class Americana. Leave it to Beaver basically set the standard (although a completely ridiculous and unattainable one) for the ideal American suburban life. Andy Griffith showed a similarly idealized, portrait of small town life as simple and light as its whistling theme song. Roseanne, while being in sharp contrast to the other two shows was still cut from the genuine American sitcom cloth, showing the daily trials and tribulations of average working class Americans.

Five More Random 4th of July TV Marathons That Have Very Little to Do With The 4th of July

Is it safe?

It's another year and another candle on the cake for the old US of A. You have to admit, two hundred thirty one hasn't exactly been the best of years for the country with all the wars, floods, inflation, recession, and the cancellation of "Jericho." In fact, between all the raging California wildfires and foreign shipping delays putting a damper on fireworks and the mounting costs of food and fuel burdening the backyard barbecue, the only core 4th of July tradition that we can still all enjoy unhindered is watching all day cable TV marathons at home (unless of course you lost your home due to the recent housing loan crisis).

This year brings us another varied slate of marathon programming for us to enjoy while we let that third hot dog settle. Some are fairly appropriate for the occasion, while some are not quite. I for one am a bit conservative when it comes to 4th of July Marathons. This year, as it has been for the past few years, I am dividing my time up between my usual standby, "The Twilight Zone" marathon on SciFi and occasionally switching back towards the "King of the Hill" marathon on FX (the most appropriate show for a 4th of July marathon outside of History Channel's running of various documentary specials about the American Revolution). For those seeking more exotic Independence Day marathon fare, here are five I noticed while surfing through the channels.

The N - Degrassi: The Next Generation

The annoying tween older sibling of Nickelodeon and the child of Nike at Nite is running the throughly unrelated teen drama series "Degrassi: The Next Generation." Thus, The N, has another opportunity to run an "Adventures of Pete & Pete" marathon. If you're not going to air it anymore, why do you torture us all by holding onto the rights? At the very least, the marathon format is well suited for a series like "Degrassi: TNG", you can really follow the story developments from start to finish...if you actually are into Degrassi. The most egregious conflict with the 4th of July? It's Canadian to its maple syrup laden, hockey loving, icy core!

Possible Spin for the 4th: Self absorbed teenager dramas are as American as apple pie. Also I guess overdone, cliched, teen issues like drugs, pregnancy, or "fitting in" are transcontinental themes that resonate just as pertinently in the US. Let's just hope there aren't any metric system themed episodes.

AMC - Jaws

American Movie Classics is giving those worn out "Godfather" movie reels a rest and playing that other great American movie series, "Jaws". In the case of the original "Jaws", has there ever been another classic of this stature followed by so many sequels of such contrasting quality? Say what you will about the Star Wars prequels or Godfather III, but "Jaws: the Revenge" is a million miles away from the first film. Before Uwe Boll films started taking up all the real estate, "Jaws: the Revenge" used to be in the IMDB bottom 100, thus making Jaws the only series to have a movie in both the IMDB top 100 and the bottom 100.

Possible Spin for the 4th: The first one can at least claim relevance since it takes place around the 4th of July weekend and is forever associated with the holiday. The rest, not so much. I guess on a larger thematic level they can all be possibly seen as inspirational American victories of ingenuity and toughness over deadly foreign attacks from overseas.

TV One - Martin

I'm not even sure if most people even get this channel. It can basically be categorized as an upstart poor man's BET (sort of the Oxygen to BET's Lifetime). All I know is it's the only place to go in the cable landscape if you want re-runs of 227 (love that Jackée). I was definitely too young to actually get or enjoy "Martin". In fact, it used to be like a disappointing fake prize when I turned on to Fox expecting to see "Married with Children" or 'The Simpsons" and instead got "Martin". When I was a bit older I got into the Wayans Brothers on the WB; so who knows, maybe if I watch a full episode today I'll get hooked? In either case, that theme song was pretty awesome. I could totally get down to a remixed 12 inch of that.

Possible Spin for the 4th: It goes back to the whole American cultural melting pot thing. The multiculturalism that makes America so unique and great also makes it's television entertainment so unique and great. For every whitewashed "Friends" or "Growing Pains" or "Full House", there was a "Martin" or "Cosby Show"; and to a lesser extent "All American Girl".

MTV - America's Next Top Model

A long marathon of "Top Model" episodes on MTV? So it must be just another Friday afternoon. Seriously, this may just be a normal programming schedule. I can't ever be sure. They play the hell out of it and, if my sister is any indication, it just sucks in womens' attentions like moths to a flame. Aside from the fact that the show operates on some sort of accelerated dog year time that allow them to claim 11 seasons in 5 years, I'm not exactly sure which channel this actually airs original episodes from. VH1, MTV, and MTV2 play is round the clock but, I think it actually originates on the CW (formerly UPN). That's rivaling "Family Guy" levels of cross network whoredom. Fierce!

Possible Spin for the 4th: While women, free thinking artists/designers, and homosexuals haven't really been included in the tableau of the spirit of America, no one can deny the show's bold message of competition and personal endeavor. It's what drove this country into Independence and made it the power it is today. Like what Patton said: "America loves a winner, and will not tolerate a loser."

G4 - Cheaters

It's the most morally questionable television series since "Temptation Island". To watch "Cheaters" is to absolutely submit to your deepest, darkest, voyeuristic tendencies. There's absolutely no need to watch the ugly and scandalous private affairs of idiot strangers on television, but you can't turn away. It's, at the same time, the best and worst that reality television has to offer. A show of this caliber can only be hosted by the immortal Joey Greco, who has the overwhelming sleaziness of a Law and Order: SVU rapist suspect; a man so odious that he got stabbed by one his red handed cheaters.

Possible Spin for the 4th: I can't really think of anything too related. Flawed nature of the American Dream? Tenuous allegory about the deceit filled history of US - Indian relations? The declaration of personal independence by the spurned half of the couples being symbolic of the declaration of national independence by the US? I think sometimes you just want to watch thirty straight episodes of "Cheaters."

Five Random 4th of July TV Marathons That Have Very Little to Do With The 4th of July

Is it safe?

So I've finally returned from my Central American odyssey and what could be a more welcoming return to the country I love than a good old fashion Independence Day celebration complete with dozens of cable TV marathons? The 4th of July, more than Thanksgiving, Christmas, even New Years is the undisputed king of cable marathons. I guess in comparison it's the most sedentary of holidays, traditionally its barbecues at home rather than going out. For me since I've never had a job in the summer it has historically been the point where I really hit my stride in terms of summer vegetating and really decompress (or perhaps decompose) from a year of school and work.

Now I find myself on this particular 4th of July with the cable landscape as wide and varied as it has ever been, including marathons. This sort of proliferation in specific channels though has made it a bit trickier to follow the general spirit of the holiday; it's gone beyond just the slightly out of place Twilight Zone marathon on Sci-Fi (which has so ingrained itself with the 4th that I consider it just as important as fireworks and town parades). I'm not going to play Sam Eagle and say whether these five random marathons are right or wrong or throughly un-American or not, it's just something to consider. Who knows, perhaps in a decade they'll weave themselves in the red, white, and blue fiber of the 4th as well?

Discovery Channel - Mythbusters

This follows the usual plan of channels picking their most popular show to run continuously. It's like the Monk marathon on USA (which they'll break out for Secretaries Day). I'm not a big fan of that sort of thinking, if it's the most popular show it's overplayed enough already. I think the marathon platform should be used to help give a leg up on a show that has a lot of potential but never got enough exposure. We're better than cable Darwinism, let's share the wealth. Is this not the land of opportunities?

Possible Spin for the 4th: I guess Adam and Jamie demonstrate the epitome of the bold spirit of curiosity and Yankee ingenuity that helped make this country the superpower it is today.

HBO - Back to The Future Trilogy

This might be a tricky issue since as we all know that according to the network, HBO is not actually TV but some sort of transcendent independent entity altogether, but for the sake of argument let's assume it's TV. With that being said, I found this to be a welcome surprise. I have the DVD's but there's really something special about watching it on TV...er...HBO. I can never gauge HBO's selection of movies, they'll play some big blockbuster one minute, Casablanca the next, and then like Blue Chips right afterwards. It's like they just blindly dig into a Walmart 9.99 DVD bin and see what happens.

Possible Spin for the 4th: Good old fashion American nostalgia? It's nostalgia for the 50s, but then there's nostalgia for the 80s, and then by the last one it's a like a classic western. That and I challenge anyone in America to not like a single movie in this trilogy.

BET - The Wayans Bros.

I guess it's a better choice than Moesha or Girlfriends? I actually watched this show a great deal when the WB premiered and the world seemed brimming with possibilities. This and Nick Freno: Licensed Teacher, we thought they'd be the future of television comedy. Actually though the Wayans Bros. was a pretty good show and it apparently ran I lot longer then I remember. I'm thinking it's the most high profile show for BET based on the current level of fame of the Wayans. It could have easily been Moesha if Brandy was a better driver.

Possible Spin for the 4th: At it's core it can be seen as a story about the American Dream. Two young brothers and their pop making it on their own. I think by the third season they end up buying their own business or something like that.

Bravo - Project Runway

This is another classic example of going with the superstar. It's also a reality series which is tailor made for the medium of marathons. I'm all about the instant gratification so that's one of the reasons (among many) that I've never been drawn into reality programming. However, if you're shooting them at me one after the other while I passively sit on my couch like a beached whale, I can't get enough. I think that's how I ended up seeing like two seasons of the Surreal Life last year.

Possible Spin for the 4th: Fame, glamor, cut throat competition, these consummate American values weren't just big in the 80s, they're timeless.

Boomerang - The Flintstones

I'm actually more of a Jetsons man myself. The Flintstones are about a handful of cartoons shows that have actually lasted long enough to sustain a proper marathon (sadly I think there are enough Scooby Doo episodes to do the same). I never realized how much of a standard sitcom this show was and how eerie and out of place a laugh track sounds in a cartoon. This could have easily been made live, but then they couldn't have had all those scenes where the living "appliances" complain about their lives. I miss the June Bugs marathon.

Possible Spin for the 4th: They're the modern stone age family aren't they? Also I think Midwestern fundamentalist conservative audiences might dig the strong creationism message of the show. It's a place right out of American history.