Feel the Sadness...Oh Yeah!

It's an unyielding, universal truth that many of us often times have great difficulty remembering: there are no guaranteed tomorrows. In our bounded rationality we just assume that at least more new day waits for us all. Every so often though we are given a sobering reminder at just how tenuous and illusory life can be. When I heard the news over the phone from a friend that "Macho Man" Randy Savage had suddenly died in a car accident, I never would have expected that my post about him from Tuesday to be a sad preemptive eulogy for him Friday (and if it turned out that heart attack was due to damage from years of cocaine abuses, it will just get beyond eerie). With this depressing news and the end of the world scheduled for tomorrow, this is all just turning out to be the worst day.

Well, what else can I say about the Macho Man that I haven't already said. He was endlessly entertaining, charismatic, larger than life, an excellent wrestler (something Hogan can never claim), and the true definition of an iconoclast. In short he was an absolute legend that, as it sadly seems to be the case with a disturbing amount of former members of this rough business, left as far too soon. If I actually recognized the WWE Hall of Fame as a legitimate institution I would consider the fact that the Macho Man never lived to see himself be enshrined to be a complete and utter travesty (I mean really, what's Pete Rose and William "Refrigerator" Perry doing in there? You know they just inducted Drew Carey this year? Seriously!). In reality though the Macho Man doesn't need that empty title to prove he was an all time great. Anyone who ever saw his historic match with Ricky Steamboat in Wrestlemania III, or cheered as he carried Miss Elizabeth off on his shoulders after a victory, or was enthralled by one of his out of his mind promos, or lost their shit when he teamed up Hulk to form the Mega Powers, or listened to his ringside commentaries with JR, or was even inspired to snap into a Slim Jim from his ads, knew his greatness.

I don't know what everyone else is doing, but tonight I think I'm going to have a myself a few drinks in his honor, maybe get myself a twin pack of Slim Jims and see if the bartender will play anything from "Be A Man".

Feel The Madness...Oh Yeah!

"Macho Man" Randy Savage has got to be the most unique and idiosyncratic character in the history of professional wresting. There's really no one else like him and he defies all attempts at labeling or categorization. In a "sport" where everybody is identified by a preconceived gimmick, one has a difficult time trying to figure out what exactly the Macho Man was all about. He gave insane, borderline incoherent interviews in that distinct, raspy, screaming voice. He was a writhing muscular mass of bizarre ticks and personal mannerisms, all clad in an ever changing, endless wardrobe of hyper-flamboyant ring costumes that were somewhere between a neon cowboy, rejected member of Parliament Funkadelic, and an 80s hair metal front man (then there was his "Macho King" era where he added a crown and scepter). He casually walked the line between despised heel and heroic face, never really settling himself as either. Even his ring music "Pomp and Circumstance" seemed completely incongruous but still felt oddly appropriate.

So if you had to get down to it, what really was the Macho Man? Given all I've seen, I think the Macho Man's gimmick seemed to be just well...being the Macho Man, which encompassed everything above and then some; a singularly wonderful entity that was extremely fun and entertaining to watch in and out of the ring.

However if you don't find that characterization to be all that satisfying, the gimmick of the Macho Man also starts to make a lot more sense under another theory: that his character is someone with an out of control cocaine problem.

Reading the Macho Man as a degenerate coke fiend gives a lot of interesting context to his behavior: the alertness, feelings of well-being and euphoria, boundless energy, exaggerated self confidence, and the enhanced athletic performance. You also have the anxiety, unpredictable behavior, wild mood swings, restlessness, excessive sweating, and tremors. I'm not an addictions counselor but just viewing a small sampling of his many manic interviews and intense promos on youtube (not to mention his Slim Jim commercial canon), I would be more inclined to say that this man at the very least may not be in the right frame of mind. In addition there are also straight up clips of the Macho Man on youtube unambiguously titled "macho man on coke" ("180 DEGREES! THEN ANOTHER 360!") and "macho man randy savage on cocaine" ("CUP OF COFFEE IN THE BIG TIME, YEAH!"). Coincidence?

Now I'm not saying that Randy Savage had a problem with cocaine (although with basically any wrestler coming out of the 80s the odds are high), but that he may have played a character whose implied gimmick may have been a guy who did a lot of coke (which if you think about it would probably make him more representative of the 1980s than even the Million Dollar Man). I personally, am not taking the cynical route, and believe it's just Macho being Macho. However I'm just saying some things make a lot more sense if you see if read between the white lines.

Five things that, according to Macho Man Randy Savage, are not as exciting as eating Slim Jims

Potato Chips

By far Macho's most restrained, stripped down, production.

Working at a Pizza Place

It's fairly obvious who has "snapped" here.

Studying at the Library

I think the librarian's question was more than reasonable.

Replacing Light Bulbs

Does the store owner really deserve all that abuse?

Amateur Productions of "Romeo & Juliet"

"Art Thou Bored?"

Man I miss watching Saturday afternoon wrestling in the 90s.