That's Rickdiculous!

Since “Rick and Morty” wrapped up their fantastic first season  last Monday, all I can do is spend my new “Rick and Morty”-less Monday nights thinking way too much about previous episodes of “Rick and Morty.” If you aren’t familiar with “Rick and Morty”, like Gearhead, I envy you. When it premiered I thought it the show was just going to be a one season affair, squeezing mild amusement from riffing on the legitimately strange dynamic of Doc and Marty from "Back to the Future." Eleven episodes later it's become my new favorite thing; it's dark, twisted, hilarious, at times sneakily profound, and hands down the most purely creative half hour on television.

That being said, I recalled a slight issue I had with a scene from the season’s eighth episode “Rixty Minutes.” In the scene Rick and Morty are watching TV vis a vis a cable box Rick modified to receive television broadcasts from every known reality. The show they're watching, is an alien version of “Garfield” called “Gazorpazorpfield,” which as Morty mentions appears to be from the Planet Gazorpazorp which they encountered in the previous episode (I also wanted to mention I have had that exact conversation in the past about Lorenzo Music and Bill Murray voicing each other’s characters; seeing that conversation make it on to an actual episode of a TV show made me fall in love with this show all the more). Now it appears “Gazorpazorpfield” differs from our earth’s Garfield in a few subtle areas: the extra appendages, different days of the week, love of enchiladas instead of lasagna, and a propensity towards hurling relentless verbal abuse at Jon (also I guess he can directly communicate with him, which I don't think Garfield actually does). In this episode he concludes his harsh, improvisational cussing out of Jon by calling him a “piece of human garbage”.

The insult is a bit incongruous since it’s been established that they are aliens from the Planet Gazorpazorp. Shouldn't Jon be referred to as a piece of Gazorpazorp-ian garbage or its equivalent? Now if the show was originating from another dimension with alternate earth based humans like the commercial by “Ants In My Eyes Johnson” or the alternate dimension SNL, the use of human would be more acceptable. Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

Of course this little bit of silliness is nothing when you realize that the episode is literally half improvised. It’s kind of crazy watching a show’s two leads spending the A plot doing nothing but sitting on the couch watching what appears to be animated versions of the voice actors just making up TV shows and commercials. Rick and Morty even make a meta comment on the whole thing by stating how alternate reality TV has a “looser feel” and “an almost improvisational tone.” As crazy as it all sounds the really amazing thing is that all this randomness works and comes through by the end of the episode as Morty helps his sister Summer deal with the existential angst she suffers after viewing how much happier her alternate realty parents would have been if she wasn’t born by explaining how he lives every day with the knowledge of his own corpse buried in the backyard (see episode 6 “Rick Potion #9”) reflecting "Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's going to die. Come watch TV?"

I’m telling ya, get on it (and I didn't even really mention the great Meeseeks episode).

RICK AND MORTY FOREVER AND FOREVER A HUNDRED YEARS Rick and Morty..

Domo Arigato Buster Roboto

Like nearly all my more time sensitive blog postings, I would have liked to have written this up earlier but hey beggars can't be choosers here at "Victor Sells Out". Let's be happy that I didn't wait so long that it wasn't even worth putting up. Maybe I'll eventually devote a whole month to all my severely belated postings (that eulogy for Horshack is almost approaching a year).

So in anticipation of the much hyped return of a new season of a certain critically acclaimed though ratings challenged Fox comedy from the mid aughts on Netflix, I went ahead and caught myself up on the previous 3 seasons of "Arrested Development". Truth be told, I was never all that into the show when it aired and I only become at best a casual fan during its hiatus. I have to admit I didn't even finish watching most of the third season before last month. I liked it, I definitely admire it as an achievement in televised comedy, but I didn't love it like most of my other friends and people I know. Actually this is probably why I, watching this new Netflix season, don't feel all that let down or disappointed as some fans who were working under the massive weight expectations based on their devotion to the first 3 seasons. Having watched about half the season, it's pretty good like all the other episodes I've seen; though the plot can get pretty complex at times, also Portia de Rossi does look a little off. That's the whole of my views on the current season.

Going back to my catching up on the show, all this re-exposure to the spastic comedic talents of Tony Hale (Buster Bluth) reminded me of his early role in a popular 1999 Volkswagen commercial (Wow an 8 speaker cassette stereo system...standard!), looking young and kind of like a white version of Abed from "Community" 

That commercial was actually responsible for my first mp3 download, "Mr Roboto" by Styx. While there are a lot of "firsts" I don't recall completely, I do remember most of the details about my first encounter with digital music. Starting out just before the arrival of Napster (and eventually Kazaa), I used the Scour Media Agent from Scout.net of which not much information is left online. Utilizing a 26K dial up modem to download an ambitious nearly 5 minute long song took roughly my entire second semester of high school freshman year. I think I also had to cull some data to find room in my PC's overburdened 2 gig hard drive. I even remember my second mp3 was "We're Not Gonna Take It' by Twisted Sister (I think that was after seeing a "Pop Up Video" of it).

Interestingly enough I believe whatever mp3 copy of "Mr. Roboto" I have on my phone and computer is likely from that original download. I'll have to listen for the one second blip error about halfway through the song to make sure. 

I was pleasantly surprised when I got to the sixth episode of season 3 "The Ocean Walker" and saw the clever little reference to Hale's role in the commercial. It's these little details that really distinguishes the show.

Cops and Robots

In my previous post, I remarked about how the the upcoming Fox series, "Almost Human", which takes place in a near future where police officers are partnered with advanced androids has a passing resemblance to the intentionally terrible fictional show "Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E." that Joey briefly starred on in "Friends". After doing a little bit of research since then, I was surprised to discover that there have been at least three network TV series based around the seemingly novel concept of a buddy cop show featuring a a human officer being partnered with a robot.

Unfortunately for "Almost Human" the unsuccessful history of these cop/robot shows does not bode well for its own future prospects, as none of them made it through an entire season. Like the scene in "Robocop 2" where the OCP scientists present a series of failed attempts at creating a new Robocop, every one of these prior series have been utter failures, only varying in degrees of awfulness. If "Almost Human" meets the same fate as these previous shows, they just may have to add another rule to the Three Laws of Robotics: A robot may never have a successful network series when teamed up with a human cop.

Holmes & Yo-Yo

Detective Alexander Holmes, who apparently has a knack for getting his partners injured, is assigned a new partner Gregory "Yo-Yo" Yoyonivich. Holmes soon finds out that Yo-Yo is actually the police department's new top secret android crime fighting machine; hilarity supposedly ensues. The original cop/robot buddy show, "Holmes and Yo-Yo" ran on ABC for 13 episodes during the 1976-77 season. Based on the the intro and a random episode it would appear that the show was written as a broad wacky comedy. This high concept, low brow mess is pretty terrible, like 1983-84 NBC season terrible. It actually came in at 33 on TV Guide's 50 Worst Shows of All Time list. Much of the humor derives from Yo-Yo's intermittent failures in understanding human nature and idioms and sight gags from his frequent malfunctions. The whole thing comes off as a bizarre mix between "Dragnet" and "Small Wonders". I could see it possibly being somewhat successful as a children's show but by the late 70's there really wasn't much of a demand for such gimmicky silliness in prime time. Also, if the police department was going to develop this highly advanced robot crime fighter, why would they give it such a schlubby looking body?

Future Cop

Apparently ABC went slightly mad with the concept of robot cop shows during the 1976-77 season since, in addition to airing the genre defining "Holmes & Yo-Yo", ABC later premiered the lazily named "Future Cop". The show does seem to be more of a straight action drama with the sci-fi angle of another secret robot police officer partner. Ernest Borgnine looks a bit too old to be here but he always brings special charm to whatever role he's given. John Amos seems to be in full token black guy mode ("man, that's the fastest white boy I've ever seen") as his other partner. As for the robot, Haven, it would seem a lot more believable that it would look like a young, fit, rookie cop than Yo-Yo's goofy appearance. There wasn't much else I found out about the series, I think a lot of the non-crime story line revolved around Borgnine keeping Haven's secret from Amos and others on the force. The series lasted for all of 7 episodes on ABC and for 1 episode on NBC after it was moved and retooled as "The Cops and Robin" (that promo has a baffling amount of adjectives for a 20 second spot!).

Mann & Machine

Just when everybody thought that Cop/Robot series had gone the way of disco, Dick Wolf and company comes along in 1992 and for nine episodes reactivated the genre with the aptly titled "Mann & Machine". For a show that aired in the 90s, there is hardly any evidence of the series available online. I think the whole of it is this crude video of the intro (utilizing the most cutting edge early 90s TV title graphics technology). The show's premise seemed pretty straightforward and free of any ridiculous gimmicks from the past shows; maverick human cop (Mann) and straight laced female robot cop partner (Eve) team up to solves crimes in the future. Making the robot a female, and a sexy one at that, (a young Yancy Butler in her first major role) seemed like a good decision and it added an extra layer of potential romantic tension between the leads. There seems to be more depth to the characters as Eve is continually learns and develops human understanding and emotions. Apparently in the penultimate episode Eve even gets placed in charge of an infant which activates unexpected maternal feelings within her. This show would appear to be the most similar to the upcoming "Almost Human".

Robo. Cop.

This past week was the network TV upfronts. For those of you not familiar with the term, it's the time of the year (the third week of May) when the major networks announce their prime time schedules for the upcoming year,what new shows that have been picked up, what existing shows have been reordered (welcome back "Community"), what existing shows that have been cancelled (so long "Smash"): so advertisers can decide where to buy commercial airtime. I guess if you're the odd sort that's really into network TV programming it's like a mini-Super Bowl for you.

I read an article about Fox's upfront announcement of an order of four new drama series for next season. One of those series "Almost Human" caught my attention:

From Emmy Award-winning executive producer J.J. Abrams and creator/executive producer J.H. Wyman and starring Karl Urban, Michael Ealy and Emmy Award nominee Lili Taylor, ALMOST HUMAN (working title) is an action-packed police drama set 35 years in the future, when police officers are partnered with highly evolved human-like androids. An unlikely connection is forged when a cop with an aversion to robots and a robot with unexpected emotional responses investigate cases in a brave new world.

So basically it's like "Alien Nation" except you replace the alien hating human cop and his new alien partner with a robot hating human cop and his new android partner. A buddy cop series with a human and a robot teaming up to solve crimes, now where have I seen that before...

Now I imagine the actual series is going to be a bit more polished and not terrible, but I think it would be cool if J.J. Abrams just decided "fuck it, let's make this as ridiculous as possible. This'll make 'Short Circuit 2' look like cinéma vérité!"

Bonus question: What did C.H.E.E.S.E. stand for? Because I certainly cannot be bothered to look it up.

I Miss My Old Glasses

I was going to write this entry when I got my new glasses but things got held up for about 8 months or so. Fortunately I'd like to think that one of the endearing quirks of this blog is its tendency towards putting out terminally outdated and overdue posts. Perhaps somewhere further down the line I'll write my thoughts on the Gary Condit murder investigation or my pick for Super Bowl XXXIX.

So as I was saying I got a new pair of glasses in February and every time I find myself getting new frames I think of that scene from the 6th season Simpsons episode "Bart's Girlfriend" where Marge asks  Homer if he noticed any new changes in Bart and he randomly suspects new glasses and then grimly misinterprets Marge's concerns about "smothering" Bart. Although it has little to do with the episode and isn't one of those all time famous Simpsons scenes like Kent Brockman's welcoming of out new insect overlords or parking in the Itchy lot (which I will almost always reference when parking in a large complicated parking lot with friends), this scene always sticks with me as one of my personal all time favorite scenes.

One for the reasons I find it so memorable is that for me it encapsulates in one scene what made the Simpsons the greatest show of all time. It has that wonderful mix of the classic and the absurd that the show uniquely captured so well in its prime. The Simpsons have always been about subverting the trope of the American family television sitcom and at its best the television comedy genre as a whole. Here you have the most common of settings for a sitcom set up, a son having personal problems and the parents being concerned, but then when one parent discusses the matter with the other it quickly veers into the silly randomness of a discussion about non-existent glasses and contemplated acts of filicide. There's heart but there's also the unexpected weirdness as portrayed respectively by Marge and Homer. Essentially every sitcom since the dawn of the medium to this episode when placed in that similar scenario went the standard route of the parents reacting logically to the situation. The show was just routinely doing amazing things like this week in and week out in its hey day.

That's just my incredibly unfunny take on an incredibly funny scene.

Oh and for anyone out there who now feels a little guilty that they didn't notice my new glasses, they were essentially the same color and design as the old ones so you're off the hook.

The M.I.N.D.Y. Project

Every time I see ads for the upcoming Mindy Kaling sitcom "The Mindy Project" I imagine a show with a far more literal interpretation of the titular "project". Specifically I picture "The Mindy Project" to be some sort of ultra secret military initiative tasked with creating an android super solider designed to be the perfect battlefield killing machine (making up an acronym off the top of my head the MINDY could be short for  "Mechanized Infantry Neutralization Droid Y", maybe someone can think of a better one with time). So this killer robot played by Mindy Kaling would be essentially like the titular killer robot in the 1996 Mario Van Pebbles action vehicle "Solo" (and yes that is future Best Actor winner Adrien Brody in the scientist role) or the lovable Johnny 5 from the the beloved 1986 sci-fi comedy "Short Circuit". Also along the lines of "Solo" and "Short Circuit" the series would be a classic killer robot out of water story with the former blindly obedient Mindy bot unexpectedly "malfunctioning" by developing a soul, becoming conscious of the questionable morality of her actions as a government directed murder machine, escaping her handlers, going on the lam, and exploring the outside world for the first time while helping strangers in need to atone for her prior atrocities.

While that overarching plot alone would be enough for six seasons and a movie, I think if we combined the escaped killer robot angle with the actual premise of the series (sassy, career driven, single girl struggling to have it all with the help of her cadre of quirky friends and co-workers) we might be onto something special. The series could pick up right after Mindy has escaped from her top secret military installation and evaded a mess of government agents and troops to establish a new life and identity as a delightfully imperfect, single OB/GYN in the big city. The series would progress with episodes of Mindy's stressful life in the city balancing work and relationships alternating with action packed episodes where Mindy has to dispatch elite NSA hit squads and maybe take on the local mob boss. Perhaps there will even be episodes where both angles come together like when Mindy nervously goes on a date with a hunky guy she thought was Mr. Right...but turns out he's a nuclear powered cyborg sent to eliminate her.

I think the executives of Fox would agree the mass appeal of such a series is undeniable; what other show on television could combine light romantic situational workplace comedy with thrilling serial action drama, all with a solid science fiction background? What demographic would not be excited to watch such a show? Attention producers, there is still time to retool the series before it debuts proper later this month. You may have to do some re-shooting and editing, some heavy script modification, radically increase the production budget, and likely overhaul most of the cast but I think the results will be well worth it. If that is unfeasible, there is always the option of introducing the whole new robot angle retroactively by revealing her secretive past as an end of the season cliffhanger and continuing the series from there. Now that could do some serious damage during sweeps.

Zoned Out

Warning: The following entry contains links to a few Twilight Zone episode spoilers, if you haven't seen the episode(s) referenced I suggest you see them first lest you ruin the one time pleasure of catching a good Twilight Zone twist. 

Over the years, my 4th of July has, in a gradual and steady manner, developed a fairly set routine. The only other holidays with more firmly established rituals and expectations are probably Thanksgiving and New Years. For me I know exactly what I'm getting on Independence Day. Some activities include: taking the trip to my Uncle's house for the big family BBQ where I meet all my distant relatives from my aunt's side who I never remember the names of; eating more varieties and quantities of meat than I ever do all year; catching the local (extremely underrated) town fireworks show; sweating a lot from the heat; and of course watching "The Twilight Zone" marathon on Syfy (I still feel stupid writing their name out that way).

While "The Twilight Zone" is also often given a marathon on New Years Eve, it's the summer marathon that I've grown the most attached towards. For me the pale, severe, image of a gray suited Rod Serling is as much an essential part of the general tableau of Independence Day as BBQs, the American flag, fireworks, and the Founding Fathers hanging out over the Declaration of Independence. That being said, it pains me however to say that in recent years the "Twilight Zone" Marathon has lost a lot of its luster. Interestingly enough the cause of this decline is an ironic twist worthy of the "Twilight Zone" itself.

For as far back as I can recall, the TZ Marathon was my exclusive yearly source for catching episodes of the series. The earliest marathons where I was actually first introduced to the show were the New Years Eve marathons on local channel 11 (WPIX). Eventually the show moved to Syfy where the 4th of July tradition was established. The scarcity of episodes for the whole year contrasted with the sudden overwhelming deluge of them and only further added to the marquee event status of the marathons in my life. It became my yearly passion to catch and savor as much of these episodes as possible before the long drought until the next marathon.

This dynamic was completely destroyed a few years ago though when I received a DVD box set of the entire run of the series for Christmas. I do want to go on record that it was indeed one of the most thoughtful and generous Christmas gifts I have ever received in my life. However, much like the twist in "The Brain Center at Whipple's" the long term, unforeseen consequence of this fantastic advance in technology was that it completely obsoleted a previous way of life (the value of the marathons). Further compounding the effect of this gift was the availability of the entire series run on Netflix Instant streaming about a year or so later. The prospect of immediate hard and soft copy access to commercial free, uncut, remastered editions of every episode compared to catching random, formatted, episodes twice a year on TV was as lopsided a fight as Lee Marvin's sad final stand against his superior android boxing opponent in "Steel". The age of the marathon being appointment television had come to a swift end.

In a way, the situation follows the frequently explored "Twilight Zone" trope of "be careful what you wish for". Whether it's a dickish Genie ("The Man in The Bottle") or Satan ("A Nice Place To Visit"), people who end up wishing for everything they want or what they think they want usually find themselves far unhappier (or worse) than they were originally. Growing up I wanted to be able to catch every episode of the show I enjoyed so much, but now that I have it all at my finger tips my passion for it has flagged. Another common TZ trope my situation may fall under would be the "you can't go home again/your childhood is gone forever" message that comes up frequently. The most heartbreaking and obvious example of this would be the classic "Walking Distance" (which I think could also make for a really surreal episode of "Man Men"). "Of Late I Think of Cliffordville" actually walks a fine line between "be careful what you wish for" and "you can't go home again" where a man who has taken everything in life makes a Faustian deal just for the opportunity to go back and take it all again (with obvious unforeseen consequences). In my case the prime TZ marathons of my youth were from a simpler, happier, era before DVD box sets and streaming video where one had to work for and earn the simple joy of just catching what you wanted on TV; an era that is gone forever.

Of course there are examples of the contrary. Sometimes a big wish is just what you need and you have to have some faith in it ("The Big Tall Wish") and maybe sometimes you have to realize that the past really wasn't that great, there's no use trying to live in it, and you should move forward and grow as a person ("The Incredible World of Horace Ford"). Then there's the most important life lesson of all: always have a spare pair of glasses handy ("Time Enough At Last"). 

You know, all this writing about the Twilight Zone kinda makes me want to watch some episodes...

Portnoy's Compliment

If one day one of my grandchildren ever comes up to me and asks, "Grandpa Victor? What did you do during Hurricane Irene?" I would smile, pick them up with my newly implanted cybernetic Jax arms, sit them on my lap and say to them, "well, I suppose I spent most of that weekend inside watching re-runs of 'Cheers', they had the whole series run on Netflix."

That probably will be my lasting legacy from the great tri-state hurricane of '11, watching episode after episode of the delightful early "Sam and Diane" years of the show and discovering a great classic sitcom that I was far too young to appreciate or be aware of during its initial run. I haven't yet moved onto the latter, equally successful, half of the show's life with Woody Harrelson and Kirstie Alley replacing the late Nicholas Colasanto (I'm really going to miss Coach, definitely my favorite supporting character) and Shelly Long respectively; but I have to say the bar has been set pretty high (I just noticed the unintentional pun there) from what I've seen in the early years.

While I wholeheartedly recommend anyone with a Netflix streaming account to check out the series (start with the much lauded pilot episode, it's a rare example of a long running series whose first episode is actually considered one of it's best), one danger I must warn anyone watching multiple episodes of "Cheers" in a row is that you will get the show's iconic theme song stuck in your head for an extended period of time. Did I even need to include a reference link? You all know how it goes. Even if you haven't seen a single episode of the show (which was my case until just the storm), you will most likely be able to still sing along with the chorus. Aside from being insidiously catchy, the lyrics convey a comfortable sweater warmth that finely walks the line between genuine sympathy and empty saccharin; perfectly fitting the theme of the show. It is really the crowning achievement of its singer/co-writer Gary Portnoy.

While he has enjoyed a successful career outside of television as a songwriter for the likes of Dolly Parton, Englbert Humperdinck, and Air Supply since the early 80s, his obituary headline will clearly start off with "Writer/Performer of Cheers Theme". While "Cheers" is his unquestioned lasting legacy, I also found out that he is responsible for two of my other all time favorite television theme songs: the themes to "Punky Brewster" and "Mr. Belvedere".

Oddly enough, growing up I never really saw a full episode of any of the three Portnoy theme songed shows. Like "Cheers", "Punky Brewster" and "Mr. Belvedere" were just slightly out of sync with my prime sitcom watching years (the early 90s). However, whenever I did catch the beginning of a rerun of any of these shows I would often hang around long enough to take in the introductions before switching the channel, a true testament to the accomplishments of Mr. Portnoy. Considering how much I enjoyed the songs I'm not really sure why I never made that logical next step into watching an episode. It can't all be blamed on my age gap because I did watch a fair amount of contemporary shows like "Who's The Boss" (also another great theme song) and "Golden Girls" (total classic).

I think "Punky Brewster" just looked a little too sad and gritty for me. Compared to the cushy, middle class suburban, loving nuclear families of the TGIF line up, the premise of an abandoned child living illegally with a grumpy senior citizen in a run down tenement, made it about as grim and gritty as "The Wire". Most of the elements of the "Cheers" theme are pretty apparent in "Punky", most obvious being Portnoy's distinct vocals. It also the follows the same theme of acknowledging the often difficult and seemingly cruel nature of living and sympathizing with the audience; then singing of a welcome repast from the hardships of life, in the case of "Cheers" a neighborhood bar with all your best friends to commiserate with and give you support and in this case a special young girl whose innocence and boundless optimism brightens your day and melts the most coldly cynical of hearts. Also, dig those killer synths.

In the case of "Mr. Belvedere", I suspect that the re-runs of the show coincided with my usual after-school homework time (5:00 pm), so I never really got an opportunity to get into it. The theme song is in striking contrast to the other two Portnoy tunes. The familiar vocals have been replaced by the almost cartoonish, old timey sounding, voice of Leon Redbone along with a similarly old time jazzy accompaniment. Not really sure how that sort of music fits in with a story about a prim British butler coming to work for an uncouth suburban clan in Pittsburgh (technically Beaver Falls), but hey it was still catchy as hell. I guess the tune also follows along the lines of the themes of the other songs in that the character of Mr. Belvedere is helping the family through the daily trials and tribulations of life and showing how much fuller it can be (my favorite line: "According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival."). Since the show never really became a huge rating hit or developed a dedicated cult following, I don't think this song nearly gets as much credit as it should.

While he won't be confused with Mike Post anytime soon, Gary Portnoy's contributions to 80's sitcom television deserves all time merit in my book. If he never accomplishes anything else of merit ever again, he can still stand proud of this impressive trio of themes. And for those of you out there wondering, yes part of the motivation to write this post was to have a chance to use that title.

That's How She Became The Nanny

Truth be told, I never actually watched a single episode of "The Nanny", the 90's hit sitcom that brought Fran Dresher into the mainstream; I never made it past the opening theme. In retrospect I may have even enjoyed watching it. I do find her idiosyncratic voice and her effervescent, hyper-Queens persona to be oddly and somewhat inexplicably charming. I also remember kinda liking "The Beautician and the Beast" (in an odd and somewhat inexplicable manner) which was essentially the entire premise of the "The Nanny" condensed into one film.

Although my "Nanny" viewing history never made it beyond the introduction, I have to admit it was one of my all time favorite television introduction. It had everything that a classic TV theme song/intro needed: a unique visual style, insidiously catchy music and lyrics, and provided efficient introductory narrative exposition to any new viewer. On that last point, "The Nanny" was a masterpiece of economical exposition it laid out the entire 6 season story arch from her unexpected arrival from Queens to her romance with Mr. Sheffield to her conflicts with C.C. to the relationship with the children in less than a minute. If it was any more effective it would have been written by Sherwood Schwartz.

Given how great the intro was, it should not have been such a surprise to me that many of the foreign adaptations of the show (adapted in no less than 10 different countries! Alas no Trinidadian Nanny though. ) copied much of the same style but with (sometimes) subtle cultural variations. My four favorite adaptations I found on youtube were:

Russian Nanny

It's pretty faithful to the original. They try to keep the same style of music but it definitely loses something in the translation. I noticed that the butler makes the Russian Nanny sign some gigantic novelty sized contract, which I guess is standard for all domestic employees over there. Also who is the weird looking lady taking everyone's picture in the end, the Nanny just got hired and she's already outsourcing responsibilities?

Mexican Nanny

I had a friend growing up who had a Mexican nanny, it was never quite as madcap. It's no surprise that one of our closest neighbors also produces the closest version of the show. I actually dig the Latin flavored variation of the theme music, it changes things up without losing the original catchiness. The only other real difference I noticed was the overly cartoonish sound effects.

Polish Nanny

I am not a fan of the Polish Nanny's music. It has a bizarre late 80's, cheesiness to it that I just couldn't get aboard with (also had a weird Rusted Root-style chanting section at the end). Everything else seems to be pretty similar except for the fact that poor Polish Nanny has to resort to using an outdated, Soviet era, electric trolley car to make that initial trip the the Sheffields'; it's hard to look glamorous in that.

Chilean Nanny

The music remains quite faithful but everything else gets radically altered. The animation style completely changes from the minimalist, abstract caricature version to a more fluid, children's cartoon-like version. Also, Chilean Mr. Sheffield comes across as a bit of a sleaze with his Members Only-style jacket and his unabashed leering at the Nanny. The conflict for the affection of Mr. Sheffield between the Nanny and the kids verses C.C. is way more literally expressed as they actually drive her away from Mr. Sheffield (and into the trash). They are definitely messing with the formula but I sort of like the bold new direction.

Two final observations on the adaptations. First, it seems that every country has their own version of going from Queens to Manhattan, whether it be from one part of Santiago to the other or taking the crosstown tram in Warsaw. This would seem to imply that most big cities have a universal Queens/Manhattan dichotomy, whatever that would mean. Second, I wonder how all these shows deal with the overt East Coast Jewishness of Fran (if you think about it, with the exception of "Seinfeld", Fran Fine was the most prominent Jewish character on TV). Most likely none of the characters in the adaption are Jewish, so I guess they'd have to have to fill that gap with some other character trait (I think the Latin based shows just seem to give her bigger boobs).

Death Be Not Proud

With the start of my third and final year of law school last week, my usual Sunday night feeling of overwhelming melancholy about the start of a new work week have been replaced by my usual Sunday night feeling of overwhelming melancholy about the start of a new school week. On the whole I guess it's a slightly lesser degree of grief, but still grief never the less.

In fact, my impending work week grief follows quite predictably along the famous five stages of grief model which describes the gradual process by which most people supposedly come to terms with tragedy and traumatic loss. Well for me, few things are more tragic and traumatic than the loss of my weekend freedom. I usually wake up Sundays mornings content and happy about another full day of carefree leisure with the upcoming work week being almost an inconceivable theoretical abstract (1. Denial). As the day gives way to the afternoon hours and as I start to becomes aware of the reality of tomorrow being Monday, I begin to resent the fact that the weekend is over just as it started (2. Anger). As the afternoon begins to wane, and I realize I'm hopelessly behind on my work, I begin to think that if only I had an extra day or two I'd be on top of my shit (3. Bargaining). The sun begins to go down and I realize, I'm just dinner, a night's sleep, and change away from Monday and all I can do is helplessly sulk (4. Depression). As the evening comes I end up catching "Til' Death" on Fox (5. Acceptance).

It's not like it's appointment television for me or anything. In fact, between its numerous time slot shuffles and hiatuses, it's actually kind of a challenge for any dedicated fan (there must be some, right?) to actually keep appointments. Most of the time I randomly catch about less than half the show. However, despite my total lack of interest in actually following the show, few Sundays at home have ever gone by over the last three or so years (with the major exception of the football season where everything gets preempted) where I didn't catch some amount of "'Til Death".

In a way, it sort of makes perfect sense that I would eventually associate the show with the sad acceptance of the awful and terrible. It couldn't have been a show I enjoyed because that would have just kept me at the first stage of denial by giving me a temporary reprieve from my harsh reality. My emotional progress towards the eventual peace of acceptance would have been shunted. It couldn't have been a show that was so terrible that it would have locked me into the depths of a harrowing depression stage. It had to have been a show that was just barely awful enough to remind me of my fate, but not so much as to make me downright inconsolably despondent.

With "'Til Death" I get that subtle terribleness. It's sort of like a real life version of "The Lockhorns" except it's not over the top or mean enough to make it interesting. When Brad Garrett (who helped perfect the art of the mediocre sitcom) makes a wacky expression or cracks some punchline about married life that was too dated for vaudeville or gets henpecked by his bossy sitcom wife, I don't laugh but I know there's a joke. The show is almost watchable solely as a fascinating case study on the bare minimum of creativity and sub par ratings a sitcom can have while still being constantly renewed (4th season debuting in October). Despite having shown all the signs of a terminally ill show, from introducing and then changing the daughter, to half of the main cast essentially leaving for the third season, to a shameless parade of B list guest stars (Nick Bakay, Margaret Cho, Will Sasso anyone?), it has maintained an uncanny cockroach like ability to stay on the air. You can sit and watch and deeply wonder what magic element does this show have that other similarly mediocre but failed sitcoms like "Carpoolers" or "Back to You" didn't. With the venerable "According to Jim" finally signing off the air in June (after 8 seasons and 182 episodes!), "'Til Death" now wears the heavy crown of being the worst multiple season sitcom on TV.

Thus this show has managed to become the very symbol of the acceptance of my eventual Monday morning fate. It is that uncanny combination of a complete lack of excellence with an amazing degree of endurance and staying power that has made "'Til Death" such a dependable source of melancholy in my life. And with any luck it'll continue to help me come to grips with unhappiness for many seasons to come.

Five More (Slightly Belated) Random 4th of July TV Marathons That Have Very Little to Do With The 4th of July

Is it safe?

The biggest problem with static, date specific, holidays like the 4th of July is that it falls on a weekend every two out of seven years thus greatly weakening their work stopping powers. It was only by the grace of a last minute change of heart by the boss that I actually got Friday off and the benefit of the three day weekend. Unfortunately there are many a workplaces that don't subscribe to the artificial three day weekend policy when it comes to weekend 4th of Julys. I say it's downright Un-American to nullify the classic July 4th three-day weekend just because of a technicality on the calendar. Denying a hard working American their patriotic right to celebrate their nation's birth by over-eating, over-drinking, playing around with dangerous explosives, and watching copious amounts of marathon television? What did our Founding Fathers fight for anyway then?

I must first apologize for the slight belatedness of this year's five marathons. I am quite aware that a good portion of the day and many a marathons have already passed before I realized my posting obligations (I've personally been soaking up the old "Twilight Zone" marathon since yesterday evening). While we may be getting a slightly late start, I assure you, faithful readers, that the following marathons are guaranteed to last at least through the late evening hours (and some well into the 5th). So without further needless delay here are this year's five most random marathons.

BET - Sister, Sister

Really? "Sister, Sister"? I know the BET lineup isn't exactly stacked with long-running, classic shows, but I really think they could have done better than "Sister, Sister". It's not that I have anything against those sassy Mowry sisters (the Williams sisters of the American sitcom), I watched my fair share of their five or so year run on the WB when I was in middle school. What exactly is there about the completely generic, white America friendly, nature of this show that just screams Black Entertainment Television. Comparatively,"Sister, Sister", makes "The Parent 'Hood" look like a Gil Scott-Heron spoken word album. I would have preferred a "Wayans Brothers" marathon or maybe some sort of day long, hastily put together, Michael Jackson retrospective.

Possible Spin for the 4th: I guess you can look at the cast of "Sister, Sister" as a sort of dramatization of the fulfillment of the American Dream. Tamara's well to do father Ray is a self made man with his own company and a giant house that everyone moves into. Tia's mother Jackée is enjoying the fruits of the American promise of upward mobility by moving into Ray's big house. Tia (the smart one) is a model student and upstanding example of how education and a strong family support system can improve anyone's station in life. Tamara's goofing off and constant partying also, in a away, demonstrates the American Dream that minorities can have entitled lazy idiot children just as well as rich old waspy families.

USA Network - James Bond

This is seriously one of the most weak-ass marathons I have ever seen. It's just five random James Bond movies from 9 am to 11 pm. I think there were just regular weekdays on Spike TV that played more Bond movies. This random fiver of movies, aside from failing in terms of length of marathon programming, also fails in terms of depth of marathon programming. For the first two you have "Dr. No" (the fairly boring first film) and "Thunderball" (vintage Connery); and then the next two jump ahead about four decades and three Bonds, to "The World is Not Enough" and "Tomorrow Never Dies" (adequate Bronsnan). Finally the day is capped off with the new "Casino Royale". It seems pretty obvious that the good folks at USA tried to slap together a "marathon" with the cheapest and easiest Bond films they could get their hands on. Makes you miss those old month long nightly Bond movies on TBS.

Possible Spin for the 4th: It's definitely a hard sell for the 4th when you have a marathon of Eurpeon movies about a British secret agent who travels to exotic locations that rarely include the United States. In addition, the most prominent Americans in the series have been: generally useless CIA second banana Felix Leitter and the bumbling Sherriff J.W. Pepper. I guess you can say that James Bond touches on general American values of resourcefulness, toughness, ingenuity, and heroism; but then again what culture doesn't value those traits (please no French jokes)?

Disney Channel - Hannah Montana

Disney Channel goes with the "showcasing your prestige show" route with its Hannah-thon. This is a preemptive announcement of the marathon since it's actually slated to begin at 1 pm tomorrow. So if you were ever thinking about watching a ten hour block of Hannah Montana on a Sunday afternoon, then this is your opportunity. Apparently it all leads up to the premiere of an hour long new episode, so it's a nice little pot of gold at the end of the long rainbow. If only all marathons could reward you like that.

Possible Spin for the 4th: I guess Hannah can bee seen as a wholesome, ideal, all American, girl next door. I'm not sure what kind of songs Hannah sings, but I'm sure they're not subversive or Anti-American. On a deeper level, one might read the constant tension and conflict between her real identity and her stage persona as demonstrating the complex duality of our great nation; the rich and varied tableau of the American population and landscape and our historic and current struggles to reconcile our realities with the lofty goals of equality and prosperity that we were founded on. Or something like that.

Discovery Channel - The Deadliest Catch

This appears to be another case of a channel showing off their money programming via marathon. I've never actually seen a full episode of this show but I'm amazed by the surprising success of it. I mean, wouldn't the novelty of watching crabbers pulling in cages full of crustaceans in inclimate weather wear off after the first season at the most? It's not like fishermen are dying every other episode right? Is it really the deadliest catch when there's no dying on camera? All the marketing would seem to indicate that every episode involves the crew braving towering "Perfect Storm"-esque waves and fighting sea monsters straight out of "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea". The risk can't be that high, otherwise the price of a mediocre dinner at Red Lobster's would be astronomical.

Possible Spin for the 4th: Well, few things are more American than straight up hard working ambition and gumption. From the harsh beginnings of the early settlers, to the gritty patriots that fought for Independence, to the hearty pioneers of Manifest Destiny, to the men who've walk on the moon; daring Yankee ingenuity and ambitiousness (as demonstrated by the fearless crew) is what made this country into the superpower it is today.

TV Land - Andy Griffith Show, Roseanne, Leave it to Beaver

TV Land is taking an interesting route by cobbling together three shows to form one long marathon. Looking at the schedule, Andy, Roseanne, and the Beaver are working in rotating shifts. Currently, it's Andy Griffith until 8 when Roseanne takes us through the night until the Beaver takes over sometime tomorrow morning (actually. if these schedule is accurate, there will be a slight 4 hour break from the marathon from 8 to 12 for an airing of some show called "She's Got the Look" and Oliver Stone's "Born on the Fourth of July"). I like how the shifts were set up. Andy Griffith and Leave it to Beaver, with their sugary, idealistic 50's-60's sensibilities and story lines clearly belongs in the daytime hours; while the gritty, decidedly unromantic, modern day suburban slice of life that is "Roseanne" belongs after dark.

Possible Spin for the 4th: All three shows, despite their differences are pretty choice examples of middle class Americana. Leave it to Beaver basically set the standard (although a completely ridiculous and unattainable one) for the ideal American suburban life. Andy Griffith showed a similarly idealized, portrait of small town life as simple and light as its whistling theme song. Roseanne, while being in sharp contrast to the other two shows was still cut from the genuine American sitcom cloth, showing the daily trials and tribulations of average working class Americans.

Zack Attack!

If the Internet hasn't already shown it to you, you should check out the above appearance by one Mr. Mark-Paul Gosselaar, or should I say Zack Morris, on last night's "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon." While I've dismissed nearly everything Fallon has done in his career from his giggly run on SNL to his failed movie career to his selection as Conan's replacement, I have to admit this was a total home run. Actually congratulations should be given to both men involved, Fallon for his astounding commitment to bringing back all the members of "Saved by the Bell" and for Gosselaar to being a complete champ about coming back in character and absolutely nailing it. In my opinion, the whole affair went beyond just a memorable late night performance and should be considered landmark television.

Seriously, when has any legitimate actor ever made a full appearance on a late night talk show, completely in a character they last played almost two decades ago promoting a project they are currently doing in reality? I'm not talking about some has-been or bit player coming on for a little sketch or cameo. This isn't Abe Vigoda doing his usual shtick or J.J. Walker coming out and saying "Dy-no-mite!". Gosselaar was there on legitimate grounds to push the new season of his TNT show "Raising the Bar", but absolutely remained completely entrenched in his Zack Morris character for the entire interview.

The truly impressive part was just how devoted and faithful the whole bit was to the original source material. The entire segment was obviously scripted and predetermined but any real fan of "Saved by the Bell" would have been impressed with the attention to detail by the writers. The "Late Night" writers could have just played it lazy and just made broad references to the show that anyone would have gotten but in this case you can tell that they actually watched enough of it.

On the surface the wardrobe was spot on, vintage Morris head to toe. The writers and Gosselaar had the smug attitude, the smile, the eyebrows, the total lack of inner monologue, all down pat. The whole deal about how Mark-Paul Gosselaar is actually the created stage name and persona of Zack Morris was a fairly ingenious way to keep him in character while still referencing his current work. It's also has a sort of intriguing meta bent to it that's far smarter and more sophisticated then every "Saved By the Bell" episode combined. The interview hit on all the big Zack Morris references from the vintage giant cellphone to the time-outs, to the performance of his hit Zack Attack single "Friends Forever"; but again the really delightful parts were in the details.

The introduction of his relationship with Kelly Kapowski was a clever parody of how he introduced her in the very first episode ("Kelly Kapowski: loves volleyball, windsurfing, and at one point me.") complete with the same remote controlled life sized poster. When talking about their eventual falling out he referenced "slimeball" Jeff, that older guy who managed the Max that she briefly dated. The great line about how she moved to a "different zip code", dark times hanging out with Johnny Dakota at the Attic, Stacy Carosi from the Malibu Sands Resort were coming out so fast that it took a second for the more savvy members of the audience to recognize. Finally the pitch perfect performance obviously couldn't have gone as well if Mark-Paul Gosselaar didn't look EXACTLY THE SAME as he did when he was in high school! The guy's freakin' 35 years old! Did he get into Dick Clark's private stash or something?

Overall, just flat out well done. I had my reservations when I first heard about Fallon's quest to reunite the entire cast of "Saved By the Bell". I feared it was some disingenuous co-opting of early 90's camp to score cheap laughs. However if an eventual re-union can be as totally faithful and in character as this appearance then I'm all for it. Hopefully this sets a new precedent in late night guest appearances. How infinitely more watchable would late night television be if the guests all came as their past alter-egos and pushed their new work instead of boring us all to sleep with their mostly awkward banter and discussions of the unremarkable minutiae of their celebrity lives? Imagine Sean Penn coming out and showing clips from his new movie as Jeff Spicoli or Julia Louis-Dreyfus talking about the new season of "The New Adventures of Old Christine" as Elaine Benes. Totally mindblowing.

One Toke Over The Line

"Family Guy" may have gradually declined in every other conceivable way since coming back from the television grave in 2005 (has it really been that long?), but one aspect of the show that appears to have still held up over the years is Seth McFarlane's uncanny ability to but on big, lavish, classic musical pastiches. It's shades of those classic Brian and Stewie "Road to X" episodes from the show's initial run. I don't even know what the rest of the episode is about, nor do I really care, but I still thought this musical number was pretty solid.

Also, while nine at night is definitely a different context than four in the afternoon on TRL, it seems that television censorship has gotten a lot more lax since the days of MTV editing out the word "hash" in Weezer's "Hash Pipe" video in 2001. God speed Mikey Welsh, shine on you crazy diamond.

This is just like that time I...

Say what you may about the hollow shell that is modern day "Family Guy" (and according to the entire wikipedia page devoted to "Criticism of Family Guy" there is apparently much to say), it is still the undisputed king of esoteric references. Yeah the show may be lacking in things like originality, plot, story, or even basic comedy writing; but I can't think of another show on network television that'll refer back to such obscure depths of pop culture. Considering how minute long clips from the show make up roughly 40% of YouTube, it's about the only thing going for the show.

So I was pleasantly surprised when I caught this on a random episode a few days back from one of the THREE different channels that it currently runs on:

Apparently Seth McFarlane and his team of manatees are also nostalgic for the wild solid color video days of late 80s-early 90s music videos. I was surprised that I had overlooked the other Black Box hit "Everybody Everybody," which, aside from being just as good as "Strike It Up," is classic white room:

This only goes to verify that irrefutable time tested formula for pop greatness:

Dance Beat + Solid Color Video + Martha Wash = MEGA HIT (give or take a law suit)

Walken for a good time.

Christopher Walken will be hosting Saturday Night Live tonight for the 7th time. It's a significant number (far beyond the initial requirement for the exclusive Five-Timer's Club) but still a far cry from Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin's 14 and 13 respectively. I was fairly sure he had hosted more times but apparently it's been five years since his last hosting gig.

In my mind Walken exists as a sort of a comedic last resort for the show; like there's a special red phone in Loren Michaels' office under a plate of glass with the words: USE IN CASE OF LACK OF LAUGHS that connects directly to Walken's cell. No matter how many badly written, humorless sketches; or second rate featured players; or awkward lines of dialog the show can bury him under, there'll still be at least one or two classically hilarious moments that are powered purely on Walken. It's an inevitable law of nature that anything Christopher Walken does (whether it be dance, sing, act, walk the dog, pay his taxes, drink a Dr. Pepper) is uniquely strange, fascinating, and many times oddly funny.

Probably my all time favorite SNL sketch is a Walken sketch. It's not as well known as "More Cowbell" or "Colonel Angus" but in my opinion I cannot remember a better written sketch on the show. I give you Walken and Meadows in "Census Taker".

All the elements of the perfect SNL sketch could be found in that example:

• The guest host was utilized perfectly and not shoehorned into a superfluous role. There was no other host who could have pulled off that character the way a weirdo like Walken could have. It doesn't seem all that implausible that this is how the real Walken would answer a US survey.
  
• The sketch was a model of efficiency. Lasting only five or so minutes, it never overstayed its welcome and actually had a logical ending (which actually is cut off in that clip I have, but believe me it's nicely succinct and provides closure). There are so many poor sketches that appear to never have an ending assigned to them and the only way for the viewer to know it's over is when the trained applause suddenly comes on.
• It didn't have to rely on any wacky behavior. While break away furniture, fake vomiting, and manic physical comedy in the right hands (Chris Farley, John Belushi) have made some of the funnest sketches in SNL history, many times it's just a desperate cover up for a lack of material.
  
• There's a timelessness to the sketch. The best sketches are the ones where the writers don't need the crutch of some omni present pop culture reference or some topical issue. Most of those kinds of comedy sketches only illicit cheap laughs and age terribly. I'm sure all our children will be busting a gut over all the contemporary "jokes" in "Meet the Spartans"
• It had Tim Meadows in it. One of the most underrated cast members, he played one of the best straight men in the show's history. His nuanced portrayal of confusion and frustration perfectly compliments Walken's surreal responses.

On a side note, what surprised me the most about this sketch was that fact that it was apparently written by, then head writer, Tina Fey. Call me sexist but I'm of the Jerry Lewis school of female comedy, in that women comedians are not funny. I never found a single female stand up all that hilarious, nor have I really admired any past female SNL cast members (I especially found nearly every character played by the three headed monster of Molly Shannon, Ana Gasteyer, and Cheri Oteri to be unbearably annoying). However in this case I have got to tip my chauvinist hat to you Ms. Fey, between this sketch, "Mean Girls", and the second season of "30 Rock", you are indeed a funny writer...and you're a total babe with that whole foxy 90s Lisa Loeb/sexy librarian thing going on (sorry, I've got to reaffirm my sexism).

So if you ever had to watch one episode of SNL all year, this would probably be your best bet. Who knows you may be there to firsthand witness, live, the next "More Cowbell" or "Ed Glosser: Trivial Physcic." At the very least you'll probably see them drive the "The Continental" sketch into the ground, which is always kind of amusing.

Yes, Always!

In my opinion, one of truest constants about getting older is that you start considering all the pop culture you had growing up to be superior to the pop culture that people younger than you are enjoying today. It's like what Grandpa said in one of the all time greatest Simpsons episodes "Homerpalooza": "I used to be with it, but then they changed what 'it' was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's 'it" seems weird and scary to me."

And you know what? It will happen to you.

This leads me to wonder, is it just the inevitable nature of the passage of time and the changes of ideas and attitudes between generations that makes the past seem so much better? Or are we really on some sort of infinite suck spiral where standards of quality pop culture get lowered ever year? It sort of reminds me of the history of Saturday Night Live. The original cast's initial five year or so run is considered by many to be unassailably groundbreaking and brilliant; like the Beatles of late night sketch comedy. However every successive generation of "Not Ready for Prime Time Players" has always managed to be a disappointment when compared to the previous generation. The original years were better than the Murphy and Piscopo years, which were better than the Carvey and Lovitz years, which were better than the Farley, Sandler, Spade years, etc., etc. I used to think it couldn't have gotten any worse between Horatio Sanzs' non-acting and Jimmy Fallon's constant corpsing (yeah I couldn't believe there was an actual term for it) but low and behold SNL at the end the Aughts continues to find new and innovative ways to be unfunny.

In the end though, it couldn't be possible that a show has steadily maintained such an impressive downward spiral of humor loss for so many decades without it hitting rock bottom and being canceled, right? It's just a impression brought about by the generational changes in attitudes and sensibilities from a show, that by nature has to reflect those generational changes, right? Right?

Isn't this all possibly just postmodernism in a nutshell?

I ask the same questions to myself when I consider the state of Saturday morning cartoons. Being the cranky old codger of 23 that I am, I am filled with nothing but disappointment and sadness at what adolescent age America has to wake up to on Saturday mornings. It's bad enough they have to deal with contemporary problems like pedophiles on MySpace, increased school shootings, over medication, the standardized mess of the No Child Left Behind Act, and the Jonas Brothers; without Saturday morning TV being ruined. Everywhere I turn it's just some imported, post -Pokemon, budget animated dreck, most likely shilling trading cards.

Comparing some of the fare avialable to kids out there with what I had growing up just a little over a decade ago and it seems almost unfair. You put up shows like Batman: the Animated Series, Animaniacs, Tiny Toon Adventures, X-Men, and Gargoyles side by side with this Saturday's line up and it just looks flat out embarrassing (even that short lived Earthworm Jim cartoon series stacks up favorably). Or maybe I'm just an overly nostalgic fool who never changed, while the world continued on. Maybe in some incomprehensible way what kids today watch is in a different way just as good or even better than the shows of my youth?

With that though in mind, I present, in my opinion, the most brilliantly ambitious cartoon short ever created for mass consumption by children. The Pinky and the Brain short "Yes, Always!" from an episode of Animaniacs.

Even before I ran across it on the internet I had always remembered this short from when I watched it as a kid, not for its humor but for its lack of humor and overall pointlessness. It boggled my middle school mind as to what I was suppose to enjoy about this episode. There wasn't any gags, or cartoonish physical comedy, or even a plot. What was with the crazy meta (of course I didn't know the world meta at the time) concept of having a cartoon do a voice over for a cartoon? Why were they recording this bizarre dialog? Where was the slapstick? Why weren't Pinky and the Brain trying to take over the world?

In reality, which I would only discover about a decade later, the animators had created this extremely esoteric parody of the cult audio clip of Orson Welles having a temperamental time reading a series of scripts for commercial foods, known colloquially as "frozen peas". Aside from the lack of cursing and some minor editing, it is a near verbatim re-staging of the original clip. It was the ultimate culmination of all the not so subtle (remember that really bizarre black and white episode that parodied the "Third Man"? I think it was even actually called the "Third Mouse") references to Orson Welles.

You have to wonder; how did they ever get the funding for this? How did the writers pitch this idea with any intention of it getting made? I can't imagine a single member of the intended children's audience getting the reference nor even a great majority of the parents of the children getting it. Director Paul Hastings put it best when he described it as "a $250,000 inside joke." In the end there are obviously more entertaining, better written, more innovative cartoons out there. In fact, one might argue that the short was a total failure in terms of being an entertaining cartoon to kids. However one has to admit that there will never be another time where something like this would be created by a major network television show for kids to watch; and in that respects it should be hailed, in my opinion, as nothing short of pure genius.

Or maybe it's all my old man glorification of the past and I guess Yu-Gi-Oh! GX is just as good.

The "quarterlife" Experiment

I believe it was Kierkegaard or Dick Van Patten who said, "If you label me, you negate me."

It's always interesting to hear what people with an outside perspective have of "my generation." If you're going by the Gens then I guess we're Gen Y, which in a nutshell seems to say we're a lot more about selling out and better at using computers than Gen X. Some social critics and advertisers peg us as the "internet generation," a tech reared bunch of cyborgs whose birth coincided with that of the personal computer and came of age in wilds of the information revolution, whose daily lives consist of nothing but social networking and iPods. If you ask Mr. Lee we're all a bunch of underachieving slouches whose access to unprecedented advantages and opportunities give us an undeserved sense of entitlement. According to Pepsi we just want to drink Pepsi over Coke.

I can't tell you what we are but I can certainly tell you what we aren't. We aren't anything like the offensive stock caricatures of "quarterlife." I have to admit it fills me with an overwhelming sense of satisfaction and even a little bit of pride that our generation (and apparently nearly every other generation) either saw through the show's phoniness or was indifferent enough to have it bomb historically.

When I first saw a quick ad for it a few weeks back I was quite suspicious. When I looked it up and the more I read about it, I became down right angry. Here was a show claiming to be this insightful, truthful, look at the lives of people like me whose set up and premise was so contrived and disingenuous. It's a bunch of idealistic twentysomethings, living and loving in New York. It's a tired old concept that's been done to death through a broad spectrum of genres with varying quality (Friends, Time of Your Life, Rent, How I Met Your Mother). You can just picture all the scenes ahead of time. There'll be scenes of crying, group hugs, and TV14 casual hookups. There'll be a nearly all white cast (with some roles played by people in their 30s) all beautiful, all keeping it real in either unaffordably large loft apartments or bohemian hovels so modest that they'd be condemned in reality. Conversations will no doubt be padded with forced pop culture references, sardonic sarcasm, lame pretensions about their lives. Even the brief descriptions of some of the main characters on the wikipedia page sound like something out of central casting:

• Dylan - "a self-proclaimed writer who works as an associate editor at a magazine called Attitude."
• Lisa - "in acting school and works as a bartender. Lisa also reluctantly becomes a singer for a band despite her low self-confidence."
• Jed - "next-door neighbor to the girls and a film maker fresh out of film school."
• Eric - "old friend of Debra's who comes to visit her and then stays to pursue a relationship with Dylan. Eric is an environmental activist."

What really gets me is the show's ambition to be something important, like a statement on what it's like out there. Sitcoms with such a setup at least by virtue of their medium admit that things aren't really like that and something like a musical like Rent is so dramatized that it's obviously not trying to be a reflection of real life. "quarterlife" seems to filter out all the entertaining elements of those other types of shows and wrap what's left in a blanket of a corporate network's think tank view of genuineness. Even the title itself is contemptible; an uncapitalized, made up word intentionally contrived to be like it was typed in a text message or IM.

I would not have nearly as much vitriol for the show if it stayed in its nice little corner of the internet where it wouldn't be of any harm. However, putting it on a national, primetime stage and broadcasting this warped view of twentysomethings to the general public; that's when it crossed the line into a public menace. The only reason a show like this was even allowed on network television is the deluded, greedy mindset of network brass thinking that the key advertising demographics portrayed in the show would be duped by this and herded in. In that sense its an insult to the intelligence of every 18-40 television watcher. I hope the acute failure of this show gives a message to NBC that we although we are young we have been exposed to far more media than any graying baby boomer and we are pretty good at spotting a phony. The entertainment industry can manipulate people under 18 (Hannah Montana, High School Musical, etc.) and people over 50 (basically anything on CBS) but you can't expect to easily tame that mass in the middle (especially with weak shit like this).

For series creators Marshall Herskovitz and Edward Zwick, may this be your lesson in hubris. You both had great success with "thirtysomething" in the 80s, which is basically a prototype for this show down to the titling, because you guys were that age at the time and had considerable insight in the matter. Also it was a fresh new idea with a massive built in audience of millions of relatable baby boomers. You hit it again in the 90s with "My So-Called Life", which at least was a critical success. While the disconnect might have been even greater between creator and subject, it's fairly easy to appeal to confused, angst ridden, high schoolers. However, in the depths of your tragic confidence did you really think a bunch of fifty something guys could write a show about twenty somethings that would really resonate with them?

I wrote a while back about how nobody wants to watch a show about college kids (at least not involving hot co-ed sex) because we live uneventful, selfish, immoral, pointless existences. This doesn't appeal to adults because it's unrelatable and it doesn't appeal to college kids because we'd rather live our pointless lives than watch a bastardized version of it on TV. The same can be said here. One thing this generation has is a delayed development of maturity and independence. With things like the commercialization and fetishizing of our childhood nostolgia, later marriages, a hostile economy that's making a majority of college grads moving back home, most of us don't hit anything nearing adulthood until we're at least 30. Most of us aren't doing anything of particular difference with college outside of paying off our massive student loans and finding/starting work. If you're gonna portray this at least get your story straight and let us fucking, curse.

As a young man in the prime of his "quarterlife" living and going to school in the New York area, let this be a cautionary message to all future producers trying to capture a true cultural tableau of this generation: don't bother (or if you're going to, air it on Showtime).

You don't know what it's like...

"The Simpsons" debuted right around the time I was 5 or 6. I think I started really getting into it when I was around 8 and watched it fairly religiously through the greatest run in network history until I set off for college around season 14. By this point it was well past it's Golden Era and was entering the depths of its current period of comfortable mediocrity and infrequent genius. I'm well aware that fans of the show still debate when the show was in its prime or whether it has rebounded as of late, or whether it's still just as good now. For me personally the show lost a step when I stopped regretting missing an episode, but if it's on I'll still watch it.

One of the great lasting legacies of the show that still effects me to this day were the brilliantly placed layers of esoteric references that you finally understood and appreciated years down the line. Before the Simpsons I didn't know who Rory Calhoun was; or could recite selected parts of Gilbert and Sullivan's "H.M.S. Pinafore"; and to this day can't imagine "A Streetcar Named Desire" as anything but a musical. When you're little you don't think these as sly references by a bunch of smart-ass Harvard writers, you just think its something that they made up. That is until you see the Twilight Zone and realize about half the early Tree House of Horror episodes were straight parodies, or you see "Vertigo" and it's the same tower Principal Skinner climbs up in that one episode, or you realize Mr. Burns is essentially Charles Foster Kane whenever the plot called for it.

One of my favorite such scenes was from the classic 5th Season episode "Secrets of a Successful Marriage." I don't need to go too deep into the plot since I'm sure most people have seen and remember this episode. It's the one where Homer tries to teach an adult education class about marriage to prove he isn't slow but tells private stuff about his married life and Marge kicks him out. Correction Marge, two perfectly good jackets? A marriage is a lot like an orange? Give your new mother a kiss? Etc. etc?

The scene begins when Marge confronts Homer about not sharing anymore details about their personal lives with his class. Homer begins to give a rationed response in hopes of getting some understanding and compassion from Marge. When Marge gives an alternate option, Homer's response to that is merely an unexpected, insane, now classic rant. There it is in all it's glory; a brief 20 second absurdist departure from the rest of the story; a departure from which Homer is quickly brought back via Marge. On the surface this is a completely useless throwaway scene that probably shouldn't have even been included, however for me it's actually completely necessary and is definately one of the highlights of the episode. There's something about that exchange that goes to the complex stupidity that is Homer, which is really the main focal point of the episode.

But really, how many people (especially of my generation) knew exactly where all those quotes came from when they first saw it? How long did it take to finally get all the movies?

Let's see I was around ten and I think I only got the Few Good Men quote since the early to mid 90s were the hey days of "You can't handle the truth" quoting (only to be followed by the mid to late 90s hey days of "Show me the money"). About 6 years later in high school, our sophomore year US history teacher for our study on World War II showed us the famous opening clip to Patten. During my senior year I worked at my local Blockbuster video store and one day decided to use one of my weekly free rentals on a interesting looking Al Pachino movie. Finally during my sophomore year at NYU, I lived in the Lafayette dorms in Chinatown so I figured I'd see what the movie was all about. All in all it would be a good ten years later before I was able to finally look back on that scene and understand all the movies noted to fully appreciate it. It was just as funny as when I knew hardly anything at all. That's why "The Simpsons" is so great.

Everybody Sweats Raymond

OMG, three posts in a row? Given my usual output this recent jag has now reached the historic and unbreakable equivalent level of Cal Ripkin's consecutive games streak or Joe Diaggio's 56 game hitting streak. Soak it in because I'm pretty sure I won't be able to sustain this degree of prolificness for too long. Besides, it isn't my style to be consistent. Infrequent posting makes my sparse entries all the more riveting, and why would I want to water down a good deal like that?

So earlier today I realized I had finally hit that point in my vacation where I had forgotten everything I had learned the previous semester (and then some). I had officially "decompressed" from the previous semester (unfortunately school starts up again next week and it'll take me a good month or so to "recompress"). I felt compelled to do what I did last summer when I had hit my lazy stride which was start running on my basement treadmill.

Now to all those people who say running is so great and find it some sort of activity to relax, clear the mind, and relieve depression: you're fucked in the head! Running, and by extension any sort of physical exercise, is a terrible experience that I find to be the equivalent of assigning yourself the chore of torturing yourself. Those people that use exercise as a recreational activity to me are deeply disturbed sadomasochists. The only pleasures I find from it are when the period of exercise is finally over and the vague notion that I get that I've done something productive for myself thus excusing from any further obligations of productivity. In that capacity it gives me pleasure, much like the unbelievable pleasure one receives when they move their hand from a burning iron or after passing a kidney stone.

Since I've established that running is a generally unpleasant experience for me I try not to associate it with things that I like. I wouldn't listen to songs that I enjoyed while running since I would run the risk of tainting them forever with unhappy memories. To this day I still can't hear Nirvana's In Utero without some part of my brain going back to all the SAT prep courses I drove to with it in my car CD player or hear Radiohead's OK Computer and not remember the many times I played it while driving home at midnight from a long shift at Blockbuster. It's basically like aversion therapy (or the Ludovico technique to give it a pop culture anchor). Since I don't really have a collection of music that I am ambivalent towards or hate, music is usually out of the question, lest I ruin my fond associations with "Crank That (Soulja Boy)".

I still need to keep my mind occupied so I usaually turn to the tiny TV that's set up across from the treadmill. The timing of television works out pretty well to, two back to back sitcoms or a hour long drama and you've gotten yourself some decent time on the machine and caught a whole show. Alas, television shows also run to risk negative association so I steer clear of shows that I would watch, but the beauty of television is that 95% is mediocre to unwatchable giving me plenty of options. Now, the perfect program to watch is something that is not particularly good but not bad enough so as to make running in silence a far better option. "Just Shoot Me"? Too much of a guilty pleasure. "Yes, Dear"? Too unbearable. "George Lopez Show"? Too much George Lopez! The perfect show is what took a title, a picture, and four and a half rambling paragraphs to get to: "Everybody Loves Raymond".

For me personally "Raymond" is the best show for running. I've tried numerous times over the years to appreciate this show, to see what millions of viewers and Emmy voters saw that I couldn't. Unfortunately I have yet to find it. On the surface I should like the show, I've always been a fan of the dying art of the old school three camera, laugh track, standard sitcom, in spite of modern television and the chagrin of most of my TV watching friends. I can see the merit in the fact that "Raymond" doesn't need fancy single camera shots or a bunch of outrageous actions; you can have half an episode of them just cracking punchlines in a living room. I can see the merit in how they essentially ignore the children and never flip to them for a cheap laugh. I appreciate the fact that it's in Queens and Ray writes for Newsday. However when it comes to the laughs, it's just not there for me.

For me I think it goes to the main characters, they're for the most part irritating and sort of boring. Every character seems to be a robot with their set of fixed responses, the only thing that changes is the situation. Raymond will always be sort of an inconsiderate jerk to everyone, Debra will complain about Raymond and have tensions with Marie who'll be equally tense to Debra and love Raymond. Meanwhile Frank's a jerk/slob and Ray's brother Robert gets no respect from anyone. This remains but newer events arise leading them to tackle it with their set character actions. Frankly the show should be about Robert (Brad Garrett has a valid stake on all those Supporting Actor Emmys) and portray Ray (who is by far the least interesting character on the show) as more of a golden child villain who gets all the attention, I think it'd be somewhat more interesting this way.

All these flaws add up to me feeling a little disappointed every time I flip to TBS expecting a Seinfeld rerun. However, it's not so bad as to the point I would change the channel (especially if I had nothing to do and knew that an actual Seinfeld was just over this sand dune). All in all though, it's the so comfortably middle of the road that it'll do the job; kind of like the worn out clothes you put on to do some really dirty work that you don't mind getting ruined. And with TBS and the WB playing it about a dozen times a day between them my running routine is pretty flexible.