VSO's 100 Blogs...100 Typos: 30 - 21

Witness now, the last waning days of the VSO 100 Blogs...100 Typos countdown. Seventy golden entries have come and gone as we enthusiastically enter the roaring 20's. If all goes according to plan (which it probably won't), I will probably post another tomorrow and then I'll be wrapping up the final top ten by Monday night. I'm just giving everyone a heads up so they can coordinate their personal celebration plans or are planning to attend one of the numerous satellite parties that will simultaneously be thrown all across the country (including some of the more civilized parts of Canada as well). Or I could just get lazy and tease this whole mess out another two weeks.

Whatever the case may be, today's blogs await!:

30. Everybody in the Pool: Razzie Edition
February 22, 2008

As wide open and unpredictable the Oscar field was, the Razzie field was a forgone conclusion. The thing about the Razzies is that while their goal is call out the worst movies of the past year; their definition for what constitutes a bad movie is a bit different. While they'll judge a movie's poorness based on obvious things like script, acting, production, etc; the Razzie winners that really "succeed" are the high profile flops. Movies like "Showgirls", "Battlefield Earth", "Gigli", and this year's big winner "I Know Who Killed Me" are technically competently made pictures by major studios with trained actors and real directors. There are always way worse made stuff out there (if it was really up to me "Daddy Day Camp" should have swept) but they don't have nearly as high a reputation to begin with. In a way, the Razzies are based on potential and how much a film fails to live up to that. A celebration of failure, how postmodern.

29. And school's out early and soon we'll be learning and the lesson today is how to die...
July 30, 2007

It's been almost a year and I have yet to experience such a perfect storm of celebrity passings since that wild day in late July. I can't even remember when two celebrities of even Tom Snyder's stature passed on the same day (I know I shouldn't still be picking on Snyder but that's what you get when you're sandwiched with a Hall of Fame Football coach and one of the greatest directors in cinema). Although if you count R. Kelly's child porn case acquittal as the death of the credibility of the American legal system along with the passing of political journalist Tim Russert then I guess that's close enough. Burn.

28. Remember Kids...

December 11, 2007

Remember kids, despite the many advances in recent years in the overall design and energy efficiency of commercial clothes driers, it is still just as dangerous (perhaps even more dangerous with the increased need for faster, hotter dryers) to take in a cycle at the local laundromat. There are many other fun and safe activities you can have at the local washateria including:

• Watching fuzzy reception non-cable programming on the waiting area television.
• Watching people transfer their clothes from the washers to the dryers.
• Getting change for a dollar.
  
• Reading years old issues of Redbook and Better Homes and Gardens.
  
• Searching the floor for any loose change or lost buttons to collect.
• Collecting used fabric softener sheets to make a scarf.
  
• Predicting which brand of detergent from the vending machine will be the most popular.
• And of course, doing your own laundry
  

27. Hey Man That's Not A Prediction It's a Fact of Life

December 29, 2007

I assure you, even before the benefit of hindsight, I felt that if the Giants and Patriots, somehow, despite all odds, met again in the Super Bowl; the Giants had a more than decent chance of winning or at the very least keep it close. Of course I laughed off this ridiculous scenario since I was almost positive that the G-Men would have one of their yearly first round bounces from the playoffs. Who knew that when I left that stadium that chilly night in December that the Giants would real off the most unexpected playoff hot streak of all time? I still can't believe it and I just can't wait until a more legitimate team (perhaps my Buffalo Bills?) comes along and pushes this fluke into the back pages of the past where it belongs.

26. Boo! Five Things that idiosyncratically scared the crap out of me when I was little...and still kinda creep me out today
October 31, 2007

Quirky Pop-Up Factoid!: This is the longest titled post I have written thus far. Also, for some reason the pictures don't come up anymore of the post; which is kind of important since it's all about things I saw that scared me. I would go and fix it but, you know. The five items listed in that post did seem to indicate one thing: gigantic or malformed heads or facial features are the key to scaring/creeping me out. I think that's a pretty good formula for scaring anybody, especially children. I don't know why Stephen King bothers spending months upon months crafting nightmarish visions with the written word when he could get the same (or a possibly better) effect by just publishing a coffee table book of freaky head drawings.

25. An Open Letter to the Apple Marketing Department
September 26, 2007

Since my first love (well, more like first compromised career choice) was advertising I always enjoy any opportunity to give my two cents on the noble art of advertising. I will forever associate the start of law school with this commercial and its song. That intense period of overexposure from August to around October of last year has now forever burned Feist's single into my brain. Whether I end up in a life that's a million miles away from my current law school education or if I become the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, any memory of that first formidable year of school will be soundtracked by the first 30 seconds of that tune. And for that I will never forgive Apple, Feist, and anyone else associated with the commercial.

24. Prisoner 57
April 24, 2008

I didn't notice until writing this post that Wesley Snipes is basically the Great Black Hope when it comes to action movie stars. No other African American actor comes close to his prolific output and success in the genre. I will never view Denzel Washington as a bone fide "action hero" in the traditional sense. He's far too distinguished, cerebral, and Hollywood to make a true knock down, drag out, uncomplicated, shoot the bad guys style movie. The same goes to Will Smith. Just one look at his last six movies (five of them straight to DVD releases) shows that Snipes is truly dedicated to keeping alive the burning torch of the no-nonsense, old school, pop corn action flick, as a black man. Due to his pioneering work, an entire generation of aspiring black actors are now no longer limited to just playing Oscar worthy classy, intelligent roles or Tylor Perry comedic parts; they can kick some ass too!

23. Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money)
January 14, 2008

The window of opportunity is still wide open for those with the inspiration and perspiration to solve the world's ketchup problems. So far none of the suggestions, aside from the out of the box idea of selling just the pre-ketchup itself as a boutique item, have proven to be effective. Oh and those upside down bottles totally don't work. I have one of those gimmicks right now in my fridge and I can guarantee you that once you flip open the cap and squeeze you're gonna get some drippage. I don't know why NASA's not all over this, wouldn't pre-ketchup be an unacceptable nuisance in a zero gravity environment? What we need is another Cold War and Space Race to get the gears of American ingenuity turning again.

22. Anal Bum Cover
January 27, 2008

Like I said before, I was never one for memes but I had a lot of fun goofing around with this one. If you ever find yourself with a computer connected to the internet and you want to waste a solid hour of your time, then this is for you. I'm also convinced the album art design industry is a total racket. Even following this random and generic approach, you'll get something that's halfway decent and comparable to just about anything you'll find on the store racks today. Of course that's assuming people even buy music anymore. If the RIAA wants people to return to buying actual CDs they should make it so all CDs are sold in LP sized sleeves. Half the reason records are still so cool despite their complete obsolescence is the fact that not only are you getting music, you're also getting a sizable work of art in the sleeve. Now, that's something you can't just buy by clicking on the iTunes music store.

21. Sex Over the Phone!
May 27, 2008

It's the last entry I wrote before embarking on my 100 Blog odyssey. So I guess this shows that even after all these entries I am still cranking out quality, high ranking blog posts (which are judged by myself and arranged into my own subjective rankings). For my favorite Village Person, I'm going to have to go with the Biker. He maintained a pretty steady presence throughout the band's existence and didn't need to resort to gimmicky changes in his costume. He was a Biker at the YMCA, he was a Biker on the Navy Ship, he was a Biker in the 80s. Plus the guy had a beard that would have given Baron Davis' a run for its money. Quirky Pop-Up Factoid!: Victor Willis, the original lead singer and Policeman was briefly married to Phylicia Rashad (a.k.a. Clair Huxtable) in the late 70s.