Saturday, October 04, 2008

Annoyance is Blind

We here at "Victor Sells Out" pride ourselves at our record of unflinchingly addressing provocative contemporary issues and boldly questioning social mores. Whether it's confronting issues of taboo sex, race relations, the state of modern media, or Ziggy; I'd like to think that a big reason people regularly visit this blog, in some cases possibly use it as their primary source for all daily news and set it as their homepage, is due to our special brand of unrestricted candor (and according to the tracking data to mostly read about cheeseburgers).

So it is in that grand tradition of fearless, resolute, social commentary that I'm going to ahead and say it: I hate that blind guy. I know it's in bad form to be criticizing the handicapped, especially someone whose Daredevil like auditory abilities appears to be so inspirationally handi-capable, but what can I say? Every time I've seen this commercial this year, I come out of it with one advertised message: the blind guy is a total douche bag.

Imagine being the two guys sitting by the window or the next table over or standing near them by the bar. You're just waiting around for your order or enjoying your meal when out of nowhere this jerk starts rattling off motorcycle specs based on the noise totally unsolicited. All the while he's smiling in smug satisfaction as if everyone in the bar is staring at him, amazed at this other worldly ability. It's interesting to note that aside from the two Miller Lite drinking rubes by the window, nobody else seems to care or notice. Keep an eye on his buddy sitting across from him, it's obvious from his look of frigid indifference that he's been through this charade before. You know that just off screen he's rolling his eyes in exasperation, quietly muttering "here we go again with the motorcycles..." I can imagine this is the type of annoyance Foggy Nelson has to experience every time he goes out with Matt Murdock.

I'm also bothered by the fact that there's really no verification or accountability for his motorcycle predictions. He could just be spouting out random years, models, modifications that don't exist (um..double overhead shaft Johnson rod). We're all just suppose to assume all that stuff he's spewing out is totally accurate. I do concede that he accurately predicted the beer, although selecting a mainstream brand like Miller Lite really ups one's probability. Also, what's with the extra "perfect combination of refreshment and taste" commentary all of a sudden? You were all facts with the motorcycles. I suspect that the blind guy is working off the incorrect assumption that the two people that he's directing his commentary two are women and that his little routine is totally impressing them.

After that paramount display of self satisfied douchebaggery, what really seals the deal for me is that smirking "next" he drops on every one. At this point I always think he's just going to take off his shades and flaunt that he's not blind. It's the only logical transition for his terrible, terrible character to become even worse. In the end it just leaves me annoyed and displeased that I had to spend even 30 seconds in this ass's world, which I then associate with a tall refreshing glass of Miller Lite.

To put things in perspective. I'd rather have the ethnic comedy stylings of Carlos Mencia shilling me beer.

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