Sunday, November 23, 2008

Dr. Pepper gets in the ring!

In case anyone didn't know (or stopped caring), the fifteen year wait for Guns N' Roses' 6th studio album finally ended with today's release of "Chinese Democracy". It's a day of mixed emotions. I'm sad that I won't be able to use the classic "what will come first? Chinese Democracy the album or actual Chinese Democracy?" line anymore at parties. I'm glad that I can now give my weathered, well worn copy of "The Spaghetti Incident?" a rest. However, the most amazing part of the day is that Dr. Pepper has kept their promise to provide everyone in America with a free Dr. Pepper with the release of the album.

I have to give the folks out in Plano, TX credit, when I first heard about their bizarre, completely random bounty for the next GNR album back in March, I had written it off as just an empty publicity stunt. At the time it seemed like one of those ridiculous wagers that one never expected to lose. Sort of like promising your son that you'll be a family again if the last place Angels somehow win the pennant. However, when Axl and crew actually put it on the line, the Dr. actually delivered. While a lesser soft drink company would have feigned ignorance or just kept mum about the incident, Dr. Pepper actually stepped up.

Although the site right now sort of broken from the excess surge of users, and the fact that the whole process (web application, 4-6 week delivery of coupon, redemption instructions) seems to have as much red tape and hurdles as a Soviet bread line; you can't deny that the Dr. is working to fill its half of the bargain. So for anyone looking to be a pepper, you've got until midnight.

*Update, due to popular demand the offer has been extended to 6pm EST Monday. Remember to cross those ts and dot those lower case js.


  1. I must say this:

    Axl Rose is a douche.

    The mans is the most obnoxious, worst example of rock n' roll pomposity. now, I'm never one to place popular culture below any other form of expression but YOU PLAY IN HARD ROCK BAND WITH A GUY NAMED SLASH. The man is not a poet, he is not attractive, and he certainly isn't that impressive of a performer. He's just an angry loser who thinks that his adolescent pussy chasing is cool to everyone.

    Fuck him.

    I don't need Axl Rose. I don't need his pathetic way-past-his-prime opus of sleazy LA drug party nose bleeding flatulent shit pissing out the back of a pickup truck glorified Mick Jagg-off album. I'm sure its awful.

    I don't turn down Guns N' Roses when they come on the radio, I even turn them up sometimes. But Axl Rose can Suck. My. Balls. Actually, I won't even say that. I wouldn't want that scum bucket near me. This asshole wasted a perfectly rocking decade -almost two - just sitting in his gnarly Malibu (or whatever part of that baked afterbirth of a city they call Los Angeles he lives in) home, doing blow and having crazy sex with 18 year old women with big hair in sexy red dresses or leopard print leotards. Does that sound awesome to you? OF COURSE IT DOES! Meanwhile, people are just pining for this album, and all he has to do is put down the rolled up $100 bill and sing in his screechy, baby wailing for his mama's titty voice for an hour. Then he can get even more cash for blow and finally do us all the favor of overdosing.

    This is a man who was such a walking steer phallus that he actually managed to trump fellow (and to be fair, future) hard rock slime fuckers Metallica. We've all seen that Behind the Music.

    If you need any further convincing that Axl Rose isn't worth the urine of the poor peasant farmer that grew the sugar cane in the free Dr. Peppers, just have a look that this handy visualization:

    Axl Rose = Douche.

  2. So I take it you're not a fan.