Patrick Chewing

All I've got are two questions. How awesome is the above commercial and how did I not see it until just recently? As a fan of Hall of Fame Knick centers, I found this to be as satisfying as any Snickers bar. Sure the sweet flat-top fade is obviously a wig, his less than stellar physique certainly seems to indicate he's been having more than his share of "Patrick Chewings", and if he was going to jam on a goofy white guy I would have preferred it to have been Rik Smits; but in the end it was just a pleasant surprise to see the big guy in action again.

On a related note. At one point did the entire marketing and advertising community agree that candy commercials should be disturbing and surreal? Between Skittles' nightmarescapes and the absurdist fare of Starbursts the emphasis seems to have switched from sweet and delicious to creepy and unsettling. Compared to those Daliesque experiments, those quirky Mentos commercials look like cinéma vérité. Call me old fashioned, but I wouldn't mind a wholesome old Werther's commercial every now and then.

The Previous Hour

So what has Victor been doing for the previous hour?

Reviewing the complicated tax code materials for his Trusts and Estates class?

Clearing out all the leftover dirty dishes and cups from his room?

Putting in more applications for summer employment?

Or crudely Photoshopping bad puns and American English idioms into a comic he found on the internet mocking the intro to "CSI Miami"?

Baracketology

For all those who are completely oblivious to the national sports scene, that sudden decline in attention and productivity within your office/school/factory/etc. can probably be attributed to the start of the NCAA Division I Men's Basketball Tournament and all the wagering and bracket projecting that it entails. It's a yearly national phenomenon, kind of like the Super Bowl stretched out over weeks. Even if you have little to no connection to college basketball, chances are if you've got friends, you've filled out a bracket or two. While pundits, professional gamblers, sports experts, and Joe Lundari would like to have you believe that there is some sort of advanced science to making accurate bracket predictions, in the end it's just as random as picking lottery numbers.

That's one of the big reasons it has such wide appeal. Anyone can participate, even if you have no idea how the game of basketball is played. All you have to do is make binary decisions that narrow a field of 64 down to 1. Of course a little bit of research and knowledge of the particulars can only help when those decisions, but more often then not it seems like the sports illiterate secretary or the guy in class who doesn't watch TV, or someones 8 year old is the one coming out ahead in a large pool full of fans and experts.

So of course what better way for a president to endear himself to populist sentiment then to do his own bracket as well. Maybe it's because we have a young, hip, basketball loving president, but I can't recall news stories any of the prior presidents making their own March Madness sheets. While writing up your own sheet as the President may seem like an innocuous bit of positive publicity, I think it's nothing but trouble:

• The biggest drawback of having a public bracket is that right off the bat you are snubbing 63 out of 64 schools. When the President makes a Super Bowl prediction, he'll obviously alienate the hometown fans of one city over another. With the NCAA tournament, you can only pick one out of 64. Just as soon as the bracket was announced, Duke's Coach K immediately announced is displeasure. In the words of another prominent Illinois Commander in Chief:“You can’t please all of the people all of the time".
• Just one look at the President's brackets seem to indicate a fairly by the numbers, chalk heavy approach to his selections. There are very few upsets or surprises here. For a candidate who ran on a platform of change and bold new thinking for this country, it certainly isn't reflected in his selections. It looks like standard Washington bracketing as usual. The last thing you want is for people to be calling your brackets conservative.
• In addition, apparently Obama originally picked Pitt and Louisville in the national title game with Louisville winning but then quickly scratched it out and replaced Pitt with UNC and had the Tar Heels winning it all. This bit of publicized indecision is not the image you want to reflect as the President. If you're going to pick, pick boldly.
• Perhaps it's not the best move for Obama to align himself with an activity that is inherently driven by billions in illegal gambling and is associated with workplace unproductiveness, especially in this economic climate. You want to project that you're working day and night to solve the credit crisis, not working on the office pool.
• Obama picked, UNC, probably the second most polarizing college basketball team. The only worse team he could have chosen would have been Duke. He should have gone with a more neutral favorite like Pitt or Louisville or maybe a trendy upstart like Wake Forrest or Syracuse. Atleast he can't be accused of rampant homerism by taking overrated Illionis deep into the tournament.
  

Gold Digging, part 4: Pop Treasures

I have to admit things have been a bit slow around here lately (lousy obligations of the real world). So I figure what better way to break up this recent posting drought then to start the second half of my ongoing A.M. Gold mining expedition. We're cracking open a whole new three CD set, "Radio Hits '69-'74". It's a curiously specific title considering this collection's usually ambiguous and ill defined categorizing. However, fans of unspecific musical compiling, will still be satisfactorily left in the dark by the first CD from the set "Pop Treasures". I'm going to assume it's some sort combination of types of songs found in the previously reviewed "Pop Classics" CD and "Top 40 Treasures" CD, all apparently within the boundaries of 1969 to 1974.

Well, time to dig in!:

1. "Little Willy" - Sweet (1973) #3

Sweet is definitely up there in my personal list of historic bands I would have liked to have been a part of. Mixing the funnest parts of glam rock and bubble gum pop with a dash of early heavy metal, these guys always looked like they were having a good time racking up hits on both sides of the ocean and never taking themselves too seriously. "Little Willy" is a classic A.M. Gold rocker with all the proper ingredients: big hooks, crunchy riffs, and a catchy sing-a-long chorus. Is it just me or is this whole song an extended metaphor for someone trying to keep down an erection ("Little Willy, Willy won't go home")? It seems pretty blatant to me.

2. "Come and Get Your Love" - Redbone (1974) #5

While I admire the fact that "Come and Get Your Love" by the rare Native American band Redbone is the biggest Native American related billboard hit aside from Paul Revere & the Raiders' classic 1971 chart topper (and Victor karaoke classic) "Indian Reservation (The Lament of the Cherokee Reservation Indian)", I still am not a fan of the song. It's just an unamendable oil and water situation. I think it all goes back to the traumatizing childhood experience of listening to my sister play her Real McCoy album which included their awful Eurotrash dance cover day and night. Hearing that first before the original just turned me off to the song all together. Perhaps in another life the situation will be reversed and I'll be down with the bone.

3. "Precious and Few" - Climax (1972) #3

It's a decent song but found it overall to be a bit too soft for my tastes. The beginning of this song inexplicably reminds me of the beginning of "Cherish" by the Association. They also share a similar mellow theme of adoring the receiver of the lyrics. This similarity however works against "Precious and Few" since it always causes it to be unfairly compared with the superior "Cherish". Overall not a bad effort, but the Climax I prefer will still be with a K, Y, and two XXes.

4. "Don't Pull Your Love Out" - Hamilton, Joe Frank, and Reynolds (1971) #4

This was definitely a bona fide, straight up A.M. Gold discovery for me! I couldn't get it out my head for a week; pure 24 carat A.M. Gold from the slick production to the snappy rolling chorus! Kudos to the hi making law firm of Hamilton, Joe Frank, and Reynolds. My theory is that the best pop songs about heartbreak fit in two distinct categories: they can either be over-the-top, totally bombastic, epic tragedies (a la "The Worst That Could Happen") or, as with this case, perplexingly upbeat songs with tones completely opposite from their subject matter. The protagonist of the sing is begging for the woman not to leave him and crumble his entire world, yet it's delivered with a good time, easy vibe. Awesome!

5. "Last Song" - Edward Bear (1972) #3

Had the technology existed in 1972 for people to make personal mix compilations for each other, I suspect there would have been many a break up mixes with "Last Song" as the literal last song on the mix. There's a soft, weepy, sappy melancholy in it, but it actually keeps a open a sliver of hope by mentioning that they still love the person. It's another quality A.M. Gold track and an exemplary example of its genre. The only thing that could improve its standing would if the band Edward Bear actually had a real life bear member, had a pet bear, or at the very least had some sort of bear costume/image thing going like Teddybears.

6. "Sylvia's Mother" - Dr. Hook & The Medicine Show (1972) #5

I really can't decide how to read "Sylvia's Mother". There's no question that's it's an awful song. However, it straddles an incredibly tenuous line between just plain awful and so awful that it actually becomes interesting; and I can't determine which side of the line it falls under. While nowhere near great, it does fit that deliciously tragic and overblown part of my great pop heartbreak song dichotomy; the stakes are high enough and the whole song is sung in this outrageous, irritating whine. However even at its most bombastic moments you have that ridiculous interjection by the telephone operator asking for more money for the call that makes me wonder if this whole song is just some bad joke or parody. Given the fact that it was written by quirky, poet, writer, and general Renaissance man Shel Silverstein, I have my reservations.

7. "Sweet Mary" - Wadsworth Mansion (1971) #7

This is just a fun, breezy, slice of pop gold. I can just imagine what life must have been like, driving around early 70's America in your giant, domestic automobile with the top down, the turbulence of Vietnam and the 60s rolling to an end and the disillusionment of the Watergate scandal a distant few years away. This song has a total Three Dog Night quality to it with the harmonies and the slight gospel inspired set up. It is almost as though Wadsworth Mansion broke into their recording studio and grabbed the first hit they could find. It is definately a smart move on the part of the band to emulate the sounds of the greatest A.M. Gold band of all time at the height of their powers. Unfortunately, while Three Dog Night managed to squeeze out a dozen or so gold albums and even more top 40 hits, Wadsworth Mansion faded away into the great A.M. Gold either,

8. "Garden Party" - Ricky Nelson (1972) #6

Ricky Nelson's final big hit coincided with Chuck Berry's #1 for "My Ding-a-Ling" as songs by previously forgotten 50's artists that suddenly became top ten hits in 1972. I like the smooth, country flavored, story song quality of "Garden Party". It sounds like a shorter version of "American Pie" in that it seems to have the same kind of dense metaphors and personal references. Interestingly enough, the titular garden party refers to a bad experience at a concert he gave at Madison Square Garden; it really adds a lot of context to the song. Despite all the introspective subject matter I still immaturely construe the line in the chorus, "you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself" as dirty.

9. "Signs" - Five Man Electrical Band (1971) #3

Now "Signs" is a textbook example of a song being so thoroughly in the awful territory that it actually becomes a good song. The ridiculous self righteousness oozing out of every pore of this song, despite the best intentions of its creators, can never be taken seriously. Taken without its important "message" and in this non-serious context, the song become quite fun. It definitely makes for a entertaining sing-a-long with everyone trying to sound more righteously indignant than the other. I also think that, despite the date of its release, this song still has a more 60s (albeit fake and hollow 60s) protest feel to it, so I wouldn't personally categorize it in the A.M. Gold genre.

10. "Oh, Babe, What Would You Say?" - Hurricane Smith (1972) #3

This is totally one of those "only in the 70s" kind of hits. You got this lifelong British sound engineer who in his late 40s decides to start recording his own music under the pseudonym, Hurricane Smith, and suddenly he's got a transatlantic hit with a song that sounds like a 30's standard. Did I also mention his voice sounds like a Muppet and he looks like a slightly less unattractive Jim Croce? It's an amazing triumph. At first I was totally turned off by this odd little tune but against all odds, much like its original unlikely climb up the charts, it totally won me over, little by little, listening after listening. It also looks like two tons of fun to do on the karaoke machine.

11. "Everything is Beautiful" - Ray Stevens (1970) #1

It's interesting to note that this is actually the first number one single on the album thus far. Compared to the three other #1 loaded compilations I've reviewed this is quite a change indeed. That being said, this song straight up sucks. Ray Stevens strays away from his quirky, novelty bread and butter and makes a lame hamfisted "message" song and is somehow rewarded with one of the biggest hits of his career. While any song with a child chorus is almost always a deal breaker for me, the worst part of the song for me is the subtle condescending feeling I get from the lyrics. I know it's all about tolerance and seeing the beauty of all things, but the "everything is beautiful in its own way" just comes off a bit smug in my book. It sounds like "yeah X is beautiful but by their own inferior standards rather than in my own eyes". I don't know, I'm probably reading way too much into it. You definately wouldn't get this sort of ambiguity with "The Streak"

12. "Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye)" - Steam (1969) #1

The selection of this apt closer seems to indicate that perhaps there might have been some attention paid to the arrangement of these tracks this album! We can only dream! As for the song itself, it's good but at one point I might have liked it more. It's overuse as a stadium crowd pleaser and official tauting anthem of departing individuals has sort of taken a lot of the sheen of the song. It's not longer a song, it's a Jock Jam, whose ubiquity puts it into a whole different category of music and standards by which it should be judged. As for the above album cover? Just about the gayest thing this side of Orleans.

I must say "Pop Treasures" was quite a departure from what I've been used to from the previous A.M. Gold set. It was definitely a more varied and deeper catalog of hits, with less chart toppers and more classic hidden gems. Perhaps they should have gone with "Pop Gems". The track listing was generally strong and the small handful of disappointments were made up by the new quality finds. I'm looking forward to all the other potential hits from 1969 to 1974, the "Golden Age" of A.M. Gold.

Double Feature

One of the minor fringe benefits of watching a movie on its opening weekend is the fact that in addition to the poppin' fresh feature, you get to see the latest poppin' fresh previews. It's a minor thing, but I really do notice the difference when I go to a film that's been in the theaters for a month or two and see nothing but outdated trailers of currently running features. For some people, the preview is sometimes reason enough to go into a particular movie. I remember a few years back, a significant number of die hard fans paid the full fare to see the forgettable "Dreamcatcher" just to see the first previews for the Matrix sequel and walk out. It might have even won its weekend because of it.

During my recent opening day trek out to see "Watchmen", I got to observe the latest and greatest features Hollywood had lined up in its pipeline. While I have nothing amazing to report from my glimpse of the future, the above pictured, upcoming Seth Rogen vehicle "Observe and Report" did catch my attention for different reasons. These reasons may become more obvious after viewing the recent trailer for yourself. Notice anything familiar?:

• A large mall setting?
  
• Doughy mall cop protagonist with a comically over inflated sense of duty and importance?
• Attractive female mall employee love interest?
• A sudden opportunity for said mall cop protagonist to become a hero?
• Slapstick physical comedy?
• Condescending law enforcement officials that look down on said mall cop?
• Plenty of comical shots of said mall cop cruising around in a personal transport?
• Fat guys falling down?
  

Looks an awful lot like another recent film.

It appears indeed that the ever unpredictable Hollywood movie machine has inexplicably cranked out two "Mall Cop Hero Comedies" in the same year! Despite modern technology providing endless avenues of expression via the cinematic medium and the infinite amount of stories to be told of the human condition, we find ourselves with two films coincidentally following the incredibly narrow topic of "Mall Cop Hero Comedy". While this may seem like a once in a life time cosmic event, like a sort of cinematic syzygy; it's actually more common then you think.

Just three years ago we had a double Victorian era magic act with vastly superior "The Prestige" trumping the "The Illusionist". Only about four years ago we experienced two biopics about Truman Capote ("Captote" and the criminally underrated "Infamous" coming out in about a one year span). The year before that we had the dueling first daughter romantic comedies "Chasing Liberty" and "First Daughter". In 2000, we experienced two separate unsuccessful manned voyages to mars in "Mission to Mars" and "Red Planet". Even a seemingly unique and creative concept like "The Truman Show" had an eerie thematic doppelganger in "EDtv" in 1999. There was the CGI showdown between "A Bug's Life" and "Antz" between 1998 and 1999. An even more unlikely duo of biopics about 70s long-distance runner Steve Prefontaine ("Prefontaine" and "Without Limits") came out between 1997 and 1998 (to this day I still confuse Jared Leto and Billy Crudup movies). Also in 1998, summer asteroid films Deep Impact and Armageddon hit theatres within two months of each other. That double dose of disaster stuck while we were trying to recover from havoc released the previous year when Dante's Peak and it's flashier, less scientifically accurate brother Volcano erupted within months of each other.

Unavoidable coincidences based on the large number of yearly mainstream movie releases? Or just an indication of Hollywood's creative bankruptcy? You can draw your own conclusions on that. One thing I noticed about these twin billings is that in nearly all cases, one film is usually vastly superior to the other (Forrest Whitaker's direction in "First Daughter" clearly gives it the edge). While we're all aware about my (and America's) inexplicable affection for "Paul Blart", the trailer has given me zero indication that "Observe and Protect" will even be a watchable film let alone the superior picture. The film seems to have taken the Blart story and sucked out all the likability and charm. Where as Kevin James' character had a sympathetic, everyman quality to him, Seth Rogen's mall cop seems downright cruel and sadistic. I find his personal monologue in the trailer, creepy and unsettling rather than funny. Both characters seem to find themselves unexpectedly thrusted into a heroic situation but while Blart does his best to save the day, Rogen's just seems all about manipulating the situation for his own unscrupulous gains. Even the casting of the always delightfully bubbly Anna Faris fails add enough for me to want to see this film, even on a lark. I didn't recall anyone laughing at any point in the trailer which is always a bad sign. Perhaps we're just about approaching critical mass in our tolerance of Seth Rogen and his unchanging schlubby stoner persona. In any case, it'll be interesting to see who comes out on top in this twin rivalry and goes down in history as THE definitive "Mall Cop Comedy".

Victor Watches the Watchmen. But Who Watches Lee Iacocca?

The other day I got around to watching the "Watchmen." The fact that it was on opening day itself was significant enough. The last time I saw a movie on opening day was "Rush Hour 2" (which was also the last movie before "The Dark Knight" where I actually got excited watching the trailer) during the tail end of my legendary pre-freshman year of college Summer of Victor where I somehow managed an unexpected streak of catching the number one box office film for about four or five straight weeks.

The reviews for "Watchmen" thus far seem to run the gambit from bloated, melodramatic drivel to a remarkable, next level, achievement in the comic book movie genre, and everything in between. As for me, on the whole I found it to be generally positive. Of course, I have to add the fact that I went into the movie with a fairly low standard of expectations. My one genuine bit of praise for director Zack Snyder, it that at least he was ambitious. He was ambitious to even attempt to affix such an iconic, sprawling, difficult, story into film. There's a reason co-creator Alan Moore still considers the story unfilmable. Not only do you have to some how tell this dense, multi-layered, chaotically presented story in one feature length film, but you have to walk this impossibly fine line between satisfying the cult fan base by maintaining fidelity to the original material while trying to make a unique piece of cinema that isn't just a rote motion comic. It was bound for disappointment.

Given this unwinnable situation, it looks like the filmmakers relied more on the path of least resistance and stayed conservatively true to the material. At points during the film, I could literally recall the specific panels from the comic, as if they just exclusively worked off them as the storyboards. There were obviously some variations from the source material but, like the excising of the whole pirate story, it seemed more out of the constraints of keeping the film under 3 hours than really for any original artistic merit. Is all this necessarily a bad thing? Not really. Given the unfair situation, falling back on the material seems like a prudent choice given the high quality of the original material. Speaking of the source material, one of the other major reasons against making a "Watchmen" film now is that it is just not as relevant as it was in 1986. The whole nihilistic Cold War destruction themes just don't have the power in today's new world order. For the people of 1986 the spectre of Nuclear holocaust was a legitimate one, where as the concept of global thermonuclear war for my generation and beyond is as unreal as Dr. Manhattan's giant CGI dong. Given that, the "Watchmen" (much like with Iron Maiden's "Two Minutes to Midnight") loses a lot of its power.

Oh yeah and the film's music SUUUCCCKKKEEED. It was just a baffling collection of pop music (with one too many Leonard Cohen tunes) injected into the film at the worst times with the subtly of a punch to the face.

Despite these drawbacks, however, I still think the good outweighed the bad and in the end it kept me enthralled for the nearly 3 hour run time (definitely not an easy task for any film). It was still a fascinating, commendably ambitious exercise in storytelling. As just a guy who's not usually into comics who read the "Watchmen" and enjoyed it, just a hybrid of the fanatical comic book lover and the complete neophyte, it was satisfying.

Having said my two cents about the film, I also wanted to mention the above, bizarre Lee Iacocca impersonator cameo in the film. Given his status as one of the great icons of business and industry in the 1980s, it was a nifty piece of artistic license to include him within the rich tableau of the alternate 1985 created for the film. I noticed the film had a noticeably large cast of famous impersonators ranging from the prominent character of 1980s Richard Nixon to a faux McLaughlin Group panel (finally an opportunity that one Eleanor Clift impersonator to shine!). The sweeping title sequence to the film (which was actually quite an ingenious way to cover the enormous back story and efficiently provide context for the present plot; hands down the best part of the entire movie) itself employs almost half a century worth of famous faces and figures.

The interesting thing about the Lee Iacocca impersonator was how, in stark contrast to reality, he ends up meeting a grisly end by getting caught in the crossfire during an unsuccessful assassination attempt on one of the Watchman, Ozymandias. It was a bit jarring to see the lovable Chryster pitchman and former "Lee of the Month" winner on my long running facebook group, get one right between the eyes (apparently Lee wasn't a fan of his alternate dimise as well). It also made me think if there were any other films out there where impersonators of real life, living public figures were killed on screen.

There have been plenty of movies with alternate histories where certain figures were implied to have lived or died (like Hitler or JFK). But I really couldn't think of too many movies off the top of my head where a then currently living figure was killed on screen. In fact the only movie I could think of was "Hot Shots: Part Deux" where Lloyd Bridges dispatches a ridiculously fictionalized version of the then living Saddam Hussein. Leslie Nielson delivers a comically severe beat down on numerous world leaders in the first "Naked Gun" movie, but none of it appears to be fatal. If it weren't for the fact that public figures have a much higher standard for defamation, you'd think they'd have some case for their reputation being hurt by being shown to be killed or beat up on screen.

Anyone else have any examples of famous fictional film deaths?

Orange you glad?

As my final, quota matching, post of the month, I would just like to mention my immense satisfaction over the return of the traditional Tropicana Orange Juice Carton. As a life long drinker of Tropicana Pure Premium Orange Juice, I shared the dismay and disappointment with my fellow drinkers when we came across the needless abomination of packing design that was the new Tropicana logo. I grew up with the timeless orange straw logo and even once attempted (with complete futility) to actually drink the juice out of an orange via straw. Instead of the classic straw speared orange that greeted us at the refrigerated juice aisle for all those years, we were exposed to a generic piece of re-branding gone wrong that failed to even clearly distinguish "no pulp" to "extra pulp" without effort.

The fact that, we the consumer were able to voice a strong enough opinion on these new packages to force a change by parent Pepsi Co. provided me with an encouraging glimmer of faith in our democracy and our capitalist system; two basic elements of the American experience that haven't seen the best of times in recent years. Perhaps this minor victory for the juice loving public will be the first of many momentum shifting victories that'll help turn the tide of these tough economic times to a better, brighter future. At the very least, we'll have a nice satisfying glass of orange juice before facing those challenges ahead.


Also, in addition to this week's defeat in the court of general juice opinion there was also the stunning revelation that the Obama team was clearly going the other way in the Pepsi challenge. These two defeats in one week for Pepsi Co should give some indication among the top brass that this major branding overhaul was just a worthless, expensive quagmire. Let's turn that logo back to its proper alignment!

Gold Digging, part 3: Top 40 Treasures

We officially enter the halfway mark as we wrap up the third and final disc of my first A.M. Gold box set. We've heard both "radio gems" and "pop classics", but Time-Life now enters unprecedented levels of non-specificity with "Top 40 Treasures"; thus opening the door to essentially every possible song that was a hit in the 60s and 70s. At least we can gleam from the ambiguous title that there won't be any non-top 40 hits (although that's not much of a shocker given that they have yet to include any songs that charted outside of the top ten).

All that glitters is gold!:

1. "I Can Help" - Billy Swan (1974) #1

This was one of those Country/Pop crossover hits that were surprisingly frequent in the 70s, and which made up a significant chunk of the A.M. Gold genre. It's a happy little A.M. pop nugget, nothing remarkably good or bad about it. I'll leave it on if it comes on the radio, but I won't crank it up. Also, am I the only one who construes the "it would sure do me good to do you good" to be dirtier than it should be?

2. "Jackie Blue" - Ozark Mountain Daredevils (1975) #3

Now here's a true A.M. Gold classic! A strange, country flavored, funk-light, smooth jam with a classically cool delivery. It's a wholly unique single that can only really be classified as a product of the diverse A.M. Gold era. The Ozark Mountain Daredevils, in addition to having one of the most awesome band names ever, has one of the most distinct sounds of any band from the the period. While their technical label may have been "Southern Rock", songs like "Jackie Blue" gave them a unique, almost prog-rock edge. One of the better descriptions, given by wikipedia, is a "countrified Steely Dan".

3. "Green-Eyed Lady" - Sugarloaf (1970) #3

Here's another pop rock pillar of the A.M. Gold canon. The CD actually had the 3 plus minute radio edit of the song. It really should be enjoyed in its original 7 minute plus version. Any song with prominent jazz organs should be a minimum six minutes long (will someone please direct me to the "Walking on the Sun" 12 inch mix?). The length really sets it apart from most of its A.M. Gold contemporaries but once again that unique sound can only be categorized as pure gold.

4. "Sooner or Later" - The Grass Roots (1970) #9

I consider "Sooner or Later" to be one of the best, straight forward pop love songs of all time. There are no subtle innuendos or elaborate metaphors to muddy up the message. The whole effort is simplicity itself, with about 75% of the tune being the chorus hammering home the hypnotic mantra of capitulating to the inevitable power of love. I'm surprised this song never became a staple of generic romantic comedy soundtracks or trailers along the lines of Natalie Cole's "This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)". It really sums up the entire premise of all romantic comedies that despite all efforts to resist, everyone falls in love in the end. It's a perfect capper of a song to play while they roll the end credits.

5. "Black and White" - Three Dog Night (1972) #1

You definitely can't have an A.M. Gold compilation without some Three Dog Night. I consider them to be the most successful pure A.M. Gold band of all time. Looking over their discography, I am surprised at how varied and successful they really were. "Black and White", their preachy public appeal for racial tolerance is just as relevant today as it was in 1972. Regarding the context of the song, I always wondered if they had the backup cred of actually being an integrated band. Any footage I've seen of them seem to show about a dozen people in the background and it's not far fetched to assume at least one of these guys was black thus fulfilling the unifying dreams of the song.

6. "(Hey Won't You Play) Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song" - B.J. Thomas (1975) #1

It's another mid-70's crossover country pop number one. I must admit, not really a fan of the song. The whole thing just sounds so unmemorably generic that I wonder how it ever managed to become such a big crossover single. I also hate the unnecessarily long winded title with the confusing parentheses. My favorite B.J. Thomas song will forever always his duet with Jennifer Warnes for the theme to "Growing Pains".

7. "Billy, Don't Be a Hero" - Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods (1974) #1

It's really interesting that, while this version and the Paper Lace version are not all that different, in America the Bo Donaldson version that went to number #1 while the Paper Lace single went nowhere and in the UK the the Paper Lace version went to #1 while the other faltered. Frankly I support the Bo Donaldson version out of outright patriotism. What right did a British band like Paper Lace have in recording pop songs co-opting events in American history? We've never had bands here writing about the Battle of Hastings or the signing of the Magna Carta. "The Night Chicago Died" was a wildly inaccurate (albeit endlessly entertaining) mess of a pop history song that made "The Battle of New Orleans" sound like a thoroughly researched historical lecture.

8. "The Entertainer" - Marvin Hamlisch (1974) #3

Nothing demonstrates the unparalleled variety of the A.M. Gold genre then the hit version of "The Entertainer" by "rock superstar" Marvin Hamlisch (although only the second person, along with Richard Rogers, to have won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony, and a Pulizter). The 70s was that sort of insane time when an adaptation of a turn of the century ragtime instrumental used in a movie would rocket up the charts to number 3. It's definitely one of the more interesting and unexplainable chart successes of the decade. I wonder if we'll be saying the same thing thirty years down the line when we try to explain "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" to our children.

9. "You Don't Mess Around With Jim" - Jim Croce (1972) #8

I would categorize this more along the lines of the 70's singer/songwriter realm rather than straight ahead A.M. Gold catagory. It's a just a bit too stripped down and folksy to be up there with the more lavishly produced pop records. With that being said, this song will always be the distant second to the ruckus, toe tapping joy of "Bad Bad Leroy Brown". Did anyone else notice that thematically the two songs are totally identical? They're both about titular bad asses from the wrong side of the tracks that learn a lesson by getting brutally beaten up by unexpected upstarts they push too far. Sort of a weird theme to coincidentally repeat if you ask me.

10. "Drift Away" - Dobie Gray (1973) #5

I hate, hate, hate this song. It's definitely up there as one of my all time least favorite songs. While I hate the Dobie Gray version, I really hate the Uncle Kracker version (a cover that somehow manages to provide absolutely no new take on the original whatsoever and exists merely to bring the song back to prominence). It's boring, it's slow, I don't care for the singing and the offensively stupid chorus ("I wanna get lost in your rock n' roll"? Barf!). I would consider it a little bit more tolerable if the chorus actually was "feed me the Beach Boys, and free my soul" which I misinterpreted it to be growing up.

11. "Little Green Apples" - O.C. Smith (1968) #2

This is one of those songs that a whole bunch of artists have covered, and O.C. Smith's version is considered the definitive one, but I really like the Roger Miller version. The Smith version's got a nice, smooth soul quality to it, but Miller's sparse recording just aches with a surprising display genuine heartfelt emotion that I never thought he was capable of. Also, the whimsical, yet clever lyrics seems to much more like a Roger Miller penned song than any other. Sorry, O.C., you'll always be, alas, a distant second.

12. "Hair" - The Cowsills (1969) #2

It's not really a song I would consider A.M. Gold. It would be a better fit in the show tunes category or 60's rock. I do concede it to be, hands down, the all time greatest song about hair ever written. They really get into all the details (or perhaps "hairy details"?): types of hair, conditions of hair, styles of hair, etc. They certainly don't mess around. This ode to the coif must be the bane of every bald music fan though. Overall, a good song, but a really unexpected and random choice to close out the CD (but then again that is sort of Time-Life's policy).

On the whole "Top 40 Treasures" really lived up to its extremely broad title. This was by far the most unexpected collection of tracks yet. As I've noted, some of the tracks may not even be considered true A.M. Gold songs. With the horrible exception of "Drift Away", every other song was okay to classic. Now that we've got the first box in the bag, we'll be looking ahead to the mysterious treasures hidden within my other three CD A.M. Gold box. What digitally remastered joys and horrors lies ahead, only time (Life) will tell.

GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!

Another generally ho-hum Oscar ceremony has come and gone. This year's recession special edition seemed even less memorable than most. There were no major surprises nor any really enduring moments from the participants. Out of my 12 predictions, I got a commendable 8, however I went a miserable 1 for 4 in the major acting categories (that's what I get for following my heart). In a way, I sort of mirrored "Slumdog Millionaire"'s performance, racking up all the major non-acting awards.

Probably the most memorable thing to take from the 81st Oscars was the whole bizarro "random past winners giving a monologue of the nominees" gimmick they did for all the major acting categories. While at times actually generating genuinely compelling sentiments, the shtick as a whole felt like an awkward and weird circle jerk of empty praise. It reminded me of creative writing classes in college where we all had to first go around and say something positive about a highlighted work. Also the fact that all the presenters, in reading their pre-scripted Oscar back patting praise, kept referring to the specific nominee they were lauding by their full name, didn't help to create a sense of authenticity. It felt like some sort of grand tribunal, where the past members of Oscardom passed judgement on their fellow Oscarless actors (of course that image is slightly altered when referring to a past winning nominee like Meryl Streep or Sean Penn). Was I the only one who thought the whole thing was eerily similar to the beginning of Superman II where the Kryptonians pass sentance on General Zod ("For your transgressions Mickey Rourke, we the five Oscars, sentence you to an eternity in the Phantom Zone")?


Despite how borderline creepy it came off, the whole thing was insane enough that I kind of want them to do it again next year, with even more random presenters. I mean when was I ever going to see Joel Grey on a prime time telecast? Maybe they'll extend it out to directors. I wouldn't mind seeing how John G. Avildsen and Milos Forman are holding up.

Everybody In the Pool: Oscar Edition 2009

Is that your final answer?

With the 81st Annual Academy Awards right around the corner, it's time for the second edition of my uninformed, hastily prepared, completely unscientific major Oscar picks! For my first time out last year, I ended up with a respectable 7 out of 11 (roughly 64%) correct predictions including the best picture winner so if you're one of those compulsive types or those easily overwhelmed by your Oscar party pool sheets, then look no further. Of course, keep in mind, when you're right 64% of the time, you're wrong 36% of the time.

One prediction, however, that you can take to the bank will be that this year's Academy Award will overtake last year's as the lowest rated Oscar telecast yet. I found last year's nominees to be probably the most interesting slate of nominated films in recent memory, which also in turn may have been a bit too weird for the general audience. In contrast, there seems to be so little buzz going around with little to no surprises outside of the usual Oscar bait. There also seems to be an anticlimactic feeling going around as the consensus seems to agree that the feel good film of the year, "Slumdog Millionaire" is set for a big night. How will it fare on my list?

Best Makeup
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Special random bonus prediction! I figured I'd throw out an extra prognostication to one of those less glamorous catagories where people who look like your next door neighbors go up and awkwardly accept trophies from fancy movie star presenters. While the two other films had more than admirable makeup work, "Benjamin Button"'s ambitious backwards aging work deserves some Oscar gold. That old man kid was freaky!

Best Animated Feature
Bolt
Kung Fu Panda
WALL-E

Once again, why can't they nominate a couple extra films to round out the category? There are plenty of animated films out there and it'll make the creators of the two other films tremendously happy just to be brought in to lose to Pixar. "WALL-E" winning is probably the biggest lock of the evening. If Pixar keeps this up they'll just have to scrap the nomination process altogether and just give the award to them outright every time they make a big release.

Best Documentary Feature
Nerakhoon (The Betrayal)
Encounters at the End of the World
The Garden
Man on Wire
Trouble the Water

This is the category where I have the least amount of substantive knowledge to base my picks on. Off the bat it really all comes down to "Encounters" and "Man on Wire", since those are the only two documentaries I have heard of. From a strictly objective standpoint I'd have probably gone with "Encounters" because it had the pedigree of being directed by a big name acclaimed director like Werner Herzog. However, I heard a lot of good second hand praise for "Man on Wire", so it gets the edge.

Best Cinematography
Changeling
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
The Duchess
Revolutionary Road

"Benjamin Button" has that vast, sweeping visual story that's prime territory for Oscar gold. Ironically if I went by the logic that since "Benjamin Button" is essentially the same film as "Forrest Gump" it should win all the categories that "Forrest Gump" won, then it would actually lose this catagory (while sweeping all the really big ones). The Dark Knight may be an upset candiate based on sympathy support for getting shafted on best picture.

Best Adapted Screenplay
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire
Doubt

If I went by the Forrest Button formula, then "Benjamin Button" should win. However, I think this will be the first stepping stone to a potential big picture showdown for "Slumdog Millionaire". In many cases the best picture showdown ends up becoming a two horse race between the best adapted screenplay winner and the original screenplay winner. Cold logic would dictate at least one of the two films with the best scripts should be in theory the best picture.

Best Original Screenplay
WALL-E
Happy-Go-Lucky
Frozen River
In Bruges
Milk

If the Academy is looking for this year's Diablo Cody to give the statute to, then they need not look any further than Dustin Lance Black, the 29 year old writer of "Milk". He's young, he's gay, it's his first major film writing job (although he did write and co-produce a bunch of episodes of "Big Love"); it's a solid opportunity for the Academy to show how "with it" it is. The era of established, long time insider screenwriters is over; twentysomething, counter cultural, first time scribes please report to the dance floor!

Best Director
Danny Boyle - Slumdog Millionaire
Stephen Daldry - The Reader
David Fincher - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard - Frost/Nixon
Gust Van Sant - Milk

Actually I'd be happy to see Fincher or Van Sant win this award as well. Despite being some of the most unique and visionary directors of the last two decades, the three have been almost completely overlooked by the Academy (save for Van Sant's director nomination for "Good Will Hunting" in '98). Boyle's been racking up best director awards like a machine all award season long, so he appears to be the heavy favorite here. Best adapted screenplay? Best director? Are the stars lining up for "Slumdog Millionaire"?

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams - Doubt
Penelope Cruz - Vicky Christina Barcelona
Viola Davis - Doubt
Taraji P. Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler

This is probably the most wide open of all the acting races. I figured Adams and Davis end up splitting the voting between them. Penelope Cruz was just too damn good looking in the film to win since history has shown that the Academy rarely gives out awards to exceedingly beautiful actresses unless they hag it up (Charlize Theron, Nichole Kidman). Every Oscar nominated performance by Marisa Tomei seems to just be the same trashy woman character except older, more dire, and more naked. So, by default Henson comes away with an award winning performance as Sally Field in Forrest Gump.

Best Supporting Actor
Josh Brolin - Milk
Robert Downey Jr. - Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Doubt
Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon - Revolutionary Road

Aside from "WALL-E", this is second biggest lock in an Oscar category. Could you imagine the awkward shock throughout the auditorium if somehow it went to someone else? It'd be the worst possible way to win a best supporting actor Oscar. Even though he is getting some support via the dead card, Ledger really does deserve the posthumous win, that Joker was a monster performance.

Best Actress
Anne Hathaway - Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie - Changeling
Melissa Leo - Frozen River
Meryl Streep - Doubt
Kate Winslet - The Reader

Last year's best actress winner, Marion Cotillard, was a bit of an upset and I'm calling and hoping for another one this year. Anne Hatheway has been getting some serious buzz and acclaim for her performance so it wouldn't be totally unexpected for her to win (although she does have the good looking handicap on her). Melissa Leo reminds me of this year's Amy Ryan; she'll get plenty of buzz still won't win. Meryl Streep is Meryl Streep. Actually any other winner except Kate Winslet would be worth it just to see Kate's head explode in frustration after failing to win an Oscar for the 6th time.

Best Actor
Richard Jenkins - The Visitor
Frank Langella - Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn - Milk
Brad Pitt - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler

If there is any justice in this universe, Mickey Rourke should get his much deserved Oscar, if only for the fact that there's probably no chance that he'll ever get to this point again. He'll probably never get another juicy role that is so perfectly made for him. He'll probably never make another choice for a role as wisely as this. Besides, if he wins we will get to see whatever insane acceptance speech he's got in the hopper AND we will get to see him present next year! It's win win!

Best Picture
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

I could say that all the supposed guilt over "Brokeback Mountain" losing and the passage of Prop 8 may compel enough Oscar voters to recruit "Milk" for an upset victory. I could say that enough Oscar voters will elect for the safety and security of the comfortable Oscar trap of "Benjamin Button". I could say that the highly cynical view of the process would lead to the always poignant Holocaust themes of "The Reader" giving it the dark horse win. I could also say that the impeccably detailed, thoroughly professional cinematic play that is "Frost/Nixon" would impress enough voters. However, I'm going to have to stick with the masses on this one with "Slumdog Millionaire". It's got the momentum, the positive vibes, the general appeal, and all other beneficial Oscar mojo working for it right now. Who am I to bet against it? It is written.

Detention for you, Mr. NYU Protesters

It looks like my old alma mater made it into the news this week. Now perhaps I've become more of a reactionary in my handful of years removed from my undergrad days or maybe I was always a bit of an establishment square in the first place, but I find this whole sit-in affair completely ridiculous and frankly does little to dispel the image of NYU students being privileged, self-indulgent, out of touch, faux radicals. I've seen my share of protest groups during my undergrad year; from Killer Coke marches to anti-affirmative action young conservative rallies. What I learned is that if you want your organization and your cause to come off to the general public as obnoxious and heavy handed as possible, then doing a loud, flashy protest is the way to go.

Now I'm not saying people don't have a right to protest. The ability to do a big annoying protest is a fundamental right and I'd have great reservations about any academic institution that would actively discourage it. However, a group turns to such protests after all available means of change have been depleted. Petitions, grass roots campaigning, letter writing, are just a few of the avenues that should be explored before resorting to such drastic action. As the former head of a student organization (NYU College Bowl, raise the roof) I've found that constantly nagging and annoying officials in the administration have proven to be a lot more effect than one would expect.

In addition, if you're going to have a protest, make sure you actually have sufficient support of the public. A fringe group of sixty or so junior revolutionaries does not a movement make. Based on the internet reactions from the other 20,000 plus students, it doesn't appear that there is really an outpouring of support. Also, I don't think you're really going to form much of a student consensus in support of your outrageous list of demands (especially the whole donate excess supplies to the University of Gaza and arbitrary 13 annal scholarships to Palestinian students; have you even noticed who all the buildings are named after?).

This whole crazy affair reminds me of another group of young, starry eyed, students who in 1994 decided to become a bunch of paper protesters without understanding what the real ramifications of a protest were. You see in a season 2 episode of "Boy Meets World" Sean and Cory embarked on a similar course of action. Hip English teacher Mr. Turner promised Cory and the rest of the class that if everyone agreed to read and discuss "The Grapes of Wrath" he wouldn't give a test on it. Unfortunately when Mr. Turner is forced to break his promise to his students by Principal Feeny (who objects to this no test policy), Cory and Sean arrange a student strike in the cafeteria. The misguided protesters eventually start making more ridiculous demands like steak and lobster lunches. Feeny, sensing the situation getting out of hand, tests the strength of their defiance by playing hardball and threatening to cancel school activities like the dance (much to Sean's dismay). The hollow protest immediately collapses with leaders Cory and Sean holding the bag. At home, Mr. Turner arrives and gives them a lecture on the empty selfish nature of their protest was and how having to take a test is better than struggling to make enough money in the real world to support their families. Thus the boys learn another lesson about the titular "world."

The parallels are remarkable between the Matthews-Hunter Walkout of '94 and the TBNYU Kimmel Center Sit-In of '09. The comparison becomes more apt when you consider that after three or so days and in the face of stringent disciplinary measures by the school, all but a scant number of TBNYU protesters have left the building, demonstrating the hollowness of their "convictions". That's the last thing about protests that these fringe groups don't understand. If you're going to have a protest, you have to be willing to stand by the strength of your ideas and accept the consequences of your actions. People may disagree with your message, but if you're willing to stand up for it, they will atleast respect you. The students involved in this shoddy affair have won neither my viewpoint nor my respect. And I hope they have be subject to a stricter punishment than just listening to a lecture from Mr. Turner and making an apology to Mr. Feeny.

Gold Digging, part 2: Pop Classics

Our decadent swim through the guilder filled Money Bin that is my recently purchased A.M. Gold box sets continues with the indistinguishably titled "Pop Classics" CD. What important distinctions are there between the carefully chosen tracks of "Pop Classics" and the cautiously arranged songs from the previous CD, "Radio Gems"? Only the compilation experts at Time-Life Music know the true answer.

Get ready for another dozen, classic, shimmering golden hits:

1. "Magic" - Pilot (1975) #5

For anyone around my age, your first exposure this song was while watching "Happy Gilmore" (it was also the first time I heard "Tuesday's Gone" by Lynard Skynard). I think AT&T also used it in a bunch of commercials a la "All Around the World". It's really one of the great A.M. Gold standards; a lighthearted, bouncy three minutes of fun with a really distinctive sound. 70's pop rock at its finest. Had the band just created a diluted copy single of "Magic" (aka the Ace of Base maneuver) it would have been enough to gotten them that elusive second U.S. hit.

2. "Rock Me Gently" - Andy Kim (1974) #1

First off, you wouldn't believe the disappointment I felt when I learned that Andy Kim was not a fellow Korean. You just can't go around with a last name like Kim (original name Andrew Youakim) and not expect some confusion; it's like that "Seinfeld" episode where Jerry thought Donna Chang was a Chinese woman. With that being said, the Candian Neil Diamond doppelganger certainly crafted one quality hit with "Rock Me Gently". I've really gotten into this song as of late. I love the funky bass, the cheesy not-so-subtle innuendo, the reckless use of "baby"s, and the awesome build up by the end. It's all pure gold. Those not previously familiar with the song may also recognize it from last year's psychedelic Jeep commercial.

3. "Delta Dawn" - Helen Reddy (1973) #1

Conventional wisdom would indicate that I should hate most of Helen Reddy's work. As an unrepentant misogynist I should be turned off by her female empowerment messages. As a non-fan of "traditional" female vocalists I should be turned off to her overall sound. However, despite those personal impediments, I still inexplicably enjoy "Delta Dawn". Country-fried, pseudo-gospel ballads always get to me. Also, on a more subtle level, this song always reminds me of the totally underrated entrance music to former WWE Female wrestling champion, the late Bertha Faye.

4. "Knock Three Times" - Tony Orlando and Dawn (1971) #1

What collection of 70's pop would be complete without at least one Tony Orlando and Dawn song. Oddly enough the CD only credits Dawn as the artists. What's not to absolutely love about this song? The tale of hopeful romance, the enthusiastic crooning of Tony Orlando, the ingenious call and response (a device so clearly lacking in today's modern pop songs); it all adds up to an intoxicating combination. Even without looking at the other cds, I am fairly sure that this won't be the last Tony Orlando and Dawn song to make the collection.

5. "Rhinestone Cowboy" - Glenn Campbell (1975) #1

I remember seeing the Jon Lovitz spoof "High School High" (in theaters no less!) and watching the scene where the white and nerdy Lovitz offers the DJ at the school dance his record of "Rhinestone Cowboy" and all the black youth being awkwardly frozen by the Glen Campbell tune. For years after that, "Rhinestone Cowboy" became for me the sonic embodiment of out of touch, comically lame, white guy music. That may very well still be the case. However, it still doesn't change the fact that it's a solid tune. Glen Campbell's legendary vocals, the soaring crescendos, the fact that this is probably the only top 40 hit with the word "rhinestone" in the title, all contribute to its glistening gold qualities.

6. "Baby Come Back" - Player (1978) #1

The song is a bit too plodding for my taste and I find myself waiting too eagerly for the pay off chorus, but overall it's a decent single. I do however give much praise to the ingenious use of the song in a series of recent advertisements for Swiffer products. The ads (deemed the 70th best pop culture item of 2008 by Utz) really are the perfect example of how to make a ubiquitous, overplayed, campaign for a unremarkable product without annoying everyone. They're short, they show the product, and are clever without being obnoxiously snarky. I for one will now forever associate this song with sad looking brooms and mops.

7. "Hot Child in the City" - Nick Gilder (1978) #1

Seriously, how many people after hearing this song thought that the singer was a chick? I still have to remind myself occasionally that Nick Gilder is a man (a particularly effeminate looking man, but a man no less). In the vein of Starland Vocal Band's "Afternoon Delight", it's one of those songs with a pop sound that belies its darker subject matter (something about runaway children turning tricks I think). Like "Afternoon Delight", it's also a spectacular golden one hit wonder.

8. "Sad Eyes" - Robert John (1979) #1

The parade of number one hits continues! They should have just replaced the trace non-number one songs with a few more chart toppers and renamed the cd "Number One Hits". For a song called "Sad Eyes" I feel like it could have been sadder. There was a great opportunity for some real emotional power given the set up. Unfortunately I wasn't buying the sadness as much as I should have. This song sort of a more subdued, less enthusiastic, watered down version of "Lights" by Journey.

9. "Sentimental Lady" - Bob Welch (1978) #8

Bob Welch's musical ties with Fleetwood Mac (one of my least favorite bands of all time) and the carry over that sound into "Sentimental Lady" (which was originally recorded by the band) is the main reason, I find it to be a forgettable record. I haven't heard the rest of his work, but until I come across something better, he will maintain his firm position behind 1990 AL Cy Young Award winner Bob Welch in my "Famous Bob Welches" depth chart.

10. "Come Back When You Grow Up" - Bobby Vee and the Strangers (1967) #3

A classic tune from Bobby Vee's large collection of top 40 hits, but it seems a bit too old sounding in tone to be considered a true A.M. Gold single. Despite the date of its release, there's an earnest, innocent sound to it that seems more like a pre-Beatles pop tune, like something Bobby Vinton or a Ricky Nelson would have put out. I'm not saying its bad or anything, it just seems a bit out of place.

11. "Traces" - Classics IV (1969) #2

Here's a broken heart pop song with a sufficient amount of emotional gravitas. While an extra helping of gravitas would have done nothing but improve it, it still featured enough feeling to make it a keeper in my book. It was a smooth trip throughout and I especially dug the sexy sax coming in to drive the point home. A quality effort from the band with one of the worst names in all of rock (honestly, it comes off like "Leonard Part VI").

12. "Honey" - Bobby Goldsboro (1968) #1

The cd concludes with another number one hit and, boy, did they ever pick a number one to end with! "Honey" is one of those bombastic train wrecks of a song that somehow manages to simultaneously be both one of the worst pop songs ever made and a outrageous smashing success (think "MacArthur Park"). Of course, knowing my peculiar tastes, this song is right up my alley. The lyrics are ridiculously detailed, yet meaningless. The story is contrived and manipulative. The music is overwrought and pretentiously inflated. The singing is, in contrast, oddly cold and almost robotic in its lack of emotions. It all adds up to one of the biggest hits of 1968 and one of the most fascinating songs I've ever heard.

The final conclusion about "Pop Classics" is that it's essentially a tale of two sides. Roughly the first half of the cd is for me all killer Gold. By the time it rolls around to the last half it sort of dips into a forgettable, overly weepy prom night 1979 territory. I was however impressed by the high amount of number one singles. It's nice to know Time-Live Music likes to put in the big hits of the era. Combining the two contrasting halves of the album, I have to call it a push and say it was an average disc overall.

Gold Digging, part 1: Radio Gems

You can call me Yukon Cornelius because I love gold...A.M. Gold to be specific. Now whether "A.M. Gold" is the official nomenclature for the genre or it's just a made up title for the Time-Life series; all I know is it's one of my all time favorite genres of music. For those not really familiar with the term, the definition of A.M. Gold is pretty broad and ambiguous as it covers multiple decades and a wide variety of musical styles. The simplest way to describe it is mainstream, radio friendly, pop music from the sixties and seventies. However, despite this description you wouldn't really count the Beatles, or Motown, or hard rock, or most songs of the classic rock canon as A.M. Gold. While the framework for identifying an A.M. Gold song may be confusing, to paraphrase former Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart's famous definition of obscenity (you'd be surprised how many times I paraphrase it in everyday life): "I'll know it when I hear it."

A true A.M. Gold single has a unique feeling all its own. In the 60s and 70s, men were men and pop was pop. The recording industry was at the peak of its success and pop music was manufactured with the scale and efficiency of an assembly line. Straight pop artists knew their role and were unabashedly creating the most mainstream, conventional, melodic, satisfyingly accessible music ever made under four minutes. There seemed to be an understood dichotomy. One one hand, album based music was king and you had "artists" creating ten minute long epics, ambitious concept albums, and expanding the boundaries of popular music. The success of the record industry allowed for a level of unparalleled freedom and artistic autonomy that is impossible in today's desperate hit driven marketplace. On the other side you had A.M. Gold artist with their business like approach to crafting straight ahead hits, long before the term "sell out" entered the musical vernacular. They weren't interested in making a statement or in many cases even looking cool (in fact, I can't imagine many of these artists being thought of as cool even in their prime). They just were looking to make music that appealed to the most people. To listen to a A.M. Gold is to listen to pop in its purest form.

Having given my little rant about my love of A.M. Gold, imagine my wonderful surprise when I recently came across not one but two box sets of random Time-Life A.M. Gold compilations in the deep clearance bin at my local FYE! When the dust settled, I found myself with six cds worth of classic gold for around eight dollars.

After the gold rush...

I've been steadily making my way through the collection by listening to them in the optimum environment: from my portable cd player via cassette adapter in the car while driving. As I make it through each cd, I will give my individual commentary on the track listings. So as the first of my running six part series I present: AM Gold - Radio Gems*

*One thing you'll notice with future posts is that, as the case with all Time-Life CD compilations, the titles of the individual CDs are all completely generic and have no relevance in describing what type of songs are on the CD. The track list for each CD is totally random and any song could be mixed around any of the other five CDs.

1. "Brother Louie" - Stories (1973) #1

It took me my second listening to realize the song was all about interracial romance. Not really the best song to kick off the CD but then again there is little rhyme or reason assigned to the ordering. It was a okay song, but it didn't really do much for me, the singer had a poor man's Rod Stewart thing going. For a number one hit, I could not recall having heard this song before.

2. "Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)" - Looking Glass (1972) #1

Now here's a song, I'm all too familiar with; one of the finest examples of A.M.Gold. What's not to love? The smooth, polished, light rock sound; the harmonies; compelling narrative; all pure gold. This song is the standard by which all A.M. Gold rock tunes should be judged against. Looking Glass also fills out one of the unofficial criteria for being a classic 70s A.M. Gold band and that's being uniformly ugly.

3. "These Eyes" - The Guess Who (1969) #6

I think the Guess Who are a criminally underrated band. Most people associate them with their biggest hit, the fairly uncompelling, "American Woman"; but they have one of the most diverse group of hits of any band I know (and all while overcoming their Canadian handicap). I still find it hard to believe that the same band who did "American Woman" also did "These Eyes" and "Undun". "These Eyes" is another slice of smooth rock, best enjoyed while night driving. Also, I think it was a bizarre yet strangely inspired choice to be featured in "Superbad".

4. "Sara Smile" - Hall and Oates (1976) #4

While 95% of the material on a "Hits" compilation is made up of either one hit wonders or mostly forgotten former hit artists, the other 5% is made up of one randomly selected hit from the singles collection of a immensely successful artist with numerous hits to their name. In this case, the good people at Time-Life decided to include this early Hall and Oates among the others. No complaints here, it's definitely one of my top 5 Hall and Oates song. I've always preferred their pre-80s synthesizer, straight up blue eyed soul material.

5. "Afternoon Delight" - Starland Vocal Band (1976) #1

What else can I say about this definitive ode to boning in the daytime. It's filthy, it's lurid, it's wrong, it's diabolically catchy. Did people just not get what the song was about? I mean the metaphors were pretty weak. The song was so popular that they gave the Starland Vocal Band their own short lived variety show, which sort of puts "Afternoon Delight" in the category of 70s songs that become TV shows or movies (a category that is much larger than you'd think).

6. "One Toke Over the Line" - Brewer and Shipley (1971) #10

I found myself surprisingly enjoying this crunchy piece of folk rock. The gospel-like chorus really gets into your head. As my friend Andrew U. pointed out in conversation, a great percentage of pop songs from the early 70s era either fell into songs about God, songs about drugs, or both. I'm pretty sure this one's about both. Apparently the covering artists on the conservative "Lawrence Welk Show" though it was about God.

7. "Put Your Hand in the Hand" - Ocean (1971) #2

This is a song that definitely fits into the "songs about God" part of the early 70s rock dichotomy. Overall, the song is fairly tolerable. It just seems to sound like a watered down version "One Toke Over the Line". Nothing beats gospel inspired pop rock to give you a momentary sense of life affirmation though.

8. "Brand New Key" - Melanie (1971) #1

The 1971 hit parade continues. For me, "Brand New Key" will always remind me of Heather Graham's Rollergirl in "Boogie Nights", a defining moment of my teenage sexual development. As for the song itself, I find it to be infinitely cute and sexy but held back by the somewhat irritating voice of Melanie. I think there are some cute, twee voiced pop sirens that can really go to town with a cover. Lisa Loeb if you're reading this, get to work!

9. "Seasons in the Sun" - Terry Jacks (1974) #1

I used to not be a fan of this song on account of the annoying chorus. After giving it a closer listen, I still don't really like the chorus, but I found myself enjoying the overlooked verses. I knew the song had a melancholy subject matter in contrast to the sound, but these lyrics are really fascinatingly in their casual moroseness, like a Smiths song. In spite of the chorus, the songs back on my approved list.

10. "Wildfire" - Michael Martin Murphey (1975) #3

As it turned out the experience I had with "Wildfire" was the exact opposite of "Seasons in the Sun". I came into the song with a positive attitude towards "Wildfire" based mainly on my recollection of the chorus, but a detailed listening to the verses made be realize how ridiculous this song was. It's literally about a ghost horse named "Wildfire" that I guess haunts the plains of Nebraska. Now every time I hear it the image I get in my head is of a psychedelic Lisa Frank poster. According to the wikipedia article, David Letterman shared my baffling view of the song in 2007 and actually ended up inviting Murphey on the show to perform. So in contrast to the previous song, "Wildfire" is now on my unapproved list.

11. "Wedding Bell Blues" - The 5th Dimension (1969) #1

Until just recently, my perception of the 5th Dimension was entirely based on "Age of Aquarious/Let the Sunshine In". I assumed they were just this ridiculous, psychedelic, R&B outfit in the vein of Earth, Wind, and Fire or Sly and the Family Stone. I also assumed they were strict one hit wonders. Apparently none of this is the case. They are a pretty straight ahead suit and dress R&B group with a considerable collection of top 40 hits that span over a decade. As for the song, I really enjoyed it. I found it quite charming and sweet. It's also the perfect song for anyone who wants to get a guy named Bill to marry them.

12. "Everybody's Talkin'" - Harry Nilsson (1969) #6

I noted earlier the diverse sounds of The Guess Who, but that is nothing compared to Harry Nilsson, an artist that truly defies strict categorization. If you want to hear one of the most fascinating pop albums of all time, you've got to get yourself a copy of "Nilsson Schmilsson", every song is stylistically independent of the other. As for "Everybody's Talkin"", it's my second favorite Nilsson song (I still can't resist the gravitas of "Without You"). I have yet to see "Midnight Cowboy" but, on the surface, the light, breezy tone seems fairly at odds with the dark subject matter of the movie.

So my overall impression was generally favorable. It was a pretty diverse collection of late 60s, early 70s fair, a little folky in the middle. It was a fine introduction into collection. There were plenty of number ones hits and nothing out of the top 10, so I guess the album fulfilled its broad promise of "Radio Gems", whatever that may mean.