PANCAKES!!

I was randomly reminded just the other day of that stupefying scene from the cult hit (and last known documentation of the whereabouts of Rider Strong) "Cabin Fever". I find it surprising that it never reached the meme-tastic, parody laden, heights of "Silent Night Deadly Night 2". It's just as bafflingly non sequitur and full of general slow motion weirdness.

Power Rankings!: Cosby Show Opening Credits

Despite my prodigious consumption of sitcom television going up, in my life I've probably seen a grand total of maybe 3 or 4 full episodes of the "Cosby Show". In fact, the only episode I can actually recall is the one where Rudy and her friend Peter go to the dentist played by Danny Kaye. The bulk of its run was pretty much before my time and by the time it started entering excessive re-runs in syndication, I just didn't really get into it. Now before you start accusing me of network sitcom racism, to my defense I've watched practically every "Family Matters" from its TGIF heydays to it's sad, slow death on CBS. I also think that the "Fresh Price of Bel-Air" is totally underrated and is one of the few series that I still find just as (if not more) hilarious today as I had in middle school. There's just something about the Cos that I just didn't dig. I think it was because the humor was just too realistic and subtle for my tastes. There were no wacky neighbors or slapstick physical antics or cheap laughs, just ground breaking naturalistic family based comedy; not really my bag. On the whole I usually prefer more thrown pies and kicks to the groin when it comes to my network family sitcoms.

Despite the fact that the Huxtables and I never really hit it off, I was always a fan of their classic opening credits. During my elementary and middle school years I, like every other kid of my generation, would watch the Disney Afternoon after every long hard day of school. The conclusion of the programming block at 5 pm would signal the start of my homework time. However, after the final credits of "Darkwing Duck" or "Gargoyles" ran, I'd stick around just a minute more to catch the opening credits of the Cosby Show rerun that ran immediately afterward.

It was over these years of viewing that I developed an admiration for the Cosby show's dedication to providing new and ambitious opening titles nearly every season (7 opening credits over 8 seasons). In addition to new visual sequences, the general theme song to the show was performed in a completely different style (I was totally unaware it was the same song until I had a mind blowing epiphany a few years ago). Unlike most of the shows today where the opening credits, if they even bother to have one, stays stagnant and listless over multiple seasons (I'm pretty sure "The Office" has been using the same intro since the first episode, ditto with "30 Rock"), the openings to shows like "The Cosby Show" grew and changed with the characters. Whether it was watching Tempestt Bledsoe blossom into a young woman or following the wild fashion roller coaster ride of Malcolm-Jamal Warner or being introduced to a cute little Raven-Symone, every new opening credit provided a lasting, distinct snapshot of the season, while telling a general story of about the series.

While every intro was different, there were clearly ones I preferred over others. As the debate rages on among Cosby fans about which intros were superior, here are my definitive Cosby Show Opening Credits power rankings:

7. Season 8 Intro

According to wikipedia, the season 8 opening credits were suppose to be the for season 7 but legal issues regarding displaying the mural delayed it until the 8th and final season. While most of the other Cosby openings had a timeless, classic feel to them, this is by for the most painfully dated. It's a bizarre amalgam of what the show's producers must have thought mainstream hiphop culture was like in 1992, an ugly pastel colored mix of early Fresh Prince and TLC videos. I half expect Malcolm-Jamal Warner to come in with a condom over his left eye.

6. Season 1 Intro

Season 1 has the most strikingly primitive opening credits of the entire series. It's the only one that strays from the whole family dance sequence theme; in fact it doesn't even have moving pictures. The whole thing looks like something off of Cliff Huxtable's screen saver (complete with annoying wipes). While this generic 80s sitcom opening is defiantly the worst intro in terms of originality and production quality, its only saving grace is its version of the title song, a breezy sax flavored affair, that is in my personal top 3. Also, on a random note, doesn't it kind of look like the Huxtables are exiting out of the A-Team van?

5. Season 3 Intro

Season 3 doesn't really add much to the evolution of the Cosby intro. It's essentially a continuation of the Season 2 intro. You get the family out there doing their thing, this time to a spicy Latin take on the theme. I find Cosby far too spastic for my comfort here; as the continuing rankings will show, I prefer a more deliberate and restrained Cosby dance. I'm also going to have to give negative points for Tempestt Bledsoe's whole too cool for school, "I'm not dancing stance".

4. Season 2 Intro

Season 2's intro is more important than it is actually good. It's sort of like the Model T, it's notable because of its groundbreaking firsts but in relative terms it's not actually all that advanced or proficient. Season 2 lays out the fundamental blueprint for all other openings to follow: individual cast introduction shots, flamboyant dancing, reworked music, and (most importantly) a spastic Cosby. However, there were greater, more ambitious heights to be reached. Also, interesting to note is that Season 2 and 3 are only ones where the Cos is sporting those glorious sweaters.

3. Season 4 Intro

Season 4 is a truly noteworthy departure point. Given the high flying success of the show at the time, entering what would be their third of five consecutive #1 Nielsen rated seasons, the show could have remained with another conservative tweak to their previous two intros. A slight rework of the theme and another garish sweater would have been good enough, but they decided to up the ante. This is probably the classiest of all the intros: with everyone dressed in vintage formal wear (Phylicia Rashad looks absolutely stunning, definitely her best looking intro appearance), a minimalist jazzy soundtrack (a total Bobby McFerrin vibe), and a cool subdued Cosby grooving along. For better and for worse this would end up being the starting point for the grand experimentation for the rest of the series.

2. Season 6 and 7

An intro so nice they used it twice! By the 6th Season all the cast members had pretty much refined their dance techniques. What results is an intro with some of the fanciest footwork seen throughout the entire series. As soon as that wild sax comes in the whole crew puts on a show worthy of the Apollo theatre whose sign is used at the backdrop. Even the once, tepid, Tempestt is burning up the dance floor. This intro is also important in that it has the return of Lisa Bonet from her "A Different World" exile and the introduction of a young, cute as a button, Raven-Symone In an interesting contrast to the prolific dancing of the rest of the cast, Bill Cosby is at his most deliberate here, grooving along, in an almost penguin like display of subtle movies. I like it.

1. Season 5 Intro

The opening credits to the 5th Season of the Cosby Show is quite possibly the greatest opening credit in the history of television. When I first came across it, it positively blew my mind. The theatrics, the choreography, the grandness of it all. The theme had been reworked into some sort of majestic John Williams-esque score that just jumped off the small screen. The dancing, a colorful, hypnotic, maelstrom of organized chaos with the Cos being the goofy calm eye in the middle of it all. The whole thing felt like a classic Busby Berkeley musical number. It was ridiculous, it was totally removed from anything the show was about, it was amazing. Unfortunately with an opening so stirring and explosive, any episode proceeding it would be ultimately disappointing in comparison.

It's Just a Fantasy...2009, Part II

The 2009 MLB season is now just about three days in. At this point I'd like to point out to the many overly anxious fantasy owners out there that there is still about 160 or so more games to play in the season so you should temper your expectations (whether positive or negative) based on this extremely small data sample. This goes out especially to all those gun jumping owners who are currently extrapolating Marlins 2B Emilio Bonifacio's current prolific output for the rest of the season. Seeing as how the season, however, is well underway I figured I'd better get the rundown of my second fantasy baseball team in before the selections lose their optimism and start to look foolish. Lets take a look at last year's team:

League: Ah Me Gusta Beisbol

My Team: Team Korea All Stars
Draft order: 11th pick out of 12
Previous Year's Rank: 6th out of 10

Although my team enjoyed a brief stint in first place at the midway point of the season last year, by the end of September they had totally run out of gas to finish in the bottom half of the standings. Looking back, the team had a solid offensive core but was done in by injuries and poor second half performances by basically the entire pitching staff (Carlos Zambrano, John Smoltz, Kelvim Escobar, John Maine, Chad Cordero, Oliver Perez, Bronson Arroyo). To go with the super obvious sports talk radio expert answer: had it not been for those rash of second half injuries and ineffectiveness, there was a good chance I would have finished first. With an additional two teams added the the league this year, I'll have to dig a little deeper for quality, consistent, talent:

Rd1. Jimmy Rollins SS - For the second year in a row, J-Roll becomes my first pick of the draft. It isn't all that surprising given the fact that I got slotted in the same second to last pick position I had last year (although that was 9 out of 10 while this year it was 11 out of 12). His injury hobbled post MVP campaign last year may have been a general disappointment, but he's still a top tier option in a scarce position. While, doubtful he'll put up number similar to his MVP year again, he's still effective when healthy and still steals a ton of bases, which is always fantasy gold.

Rd2. Evan Longoria 3B - Last year I picked rookie of year winning, superstar third baseman Ryan Braun; this year I picked rookie of the year winning, superstar third baseman Evan Longoria. Braun came through on his high expectations for his sophomore year and I expect Longoria to be as productive as well. Some sources at the beginning of the year tag him as a dark horse MVP candidate, so I've got high expectations about him overall.

Rd3. Brandon Webb SP - As last season and many previous fantasy seasons will attest to, I have a knack for picking pitchers that promptly get injured or suddenly lose their talent for the upcoming season. Webb has been one of the most consistent and dependable fantasy starters over the past three years. I chose him because I wanted a stone cold ace who I could just plug into the starter's position and never worry about for the rest of the year. This is why I am not overly concerned that he gave up 6 runs in 4 innings on his first start Monday. Oh he's missing his next start? No worries there either.

Rd4. Kevin Youkilis 1B - Youks put up some major MVP-like numbers last year. Although I wonder if he'll be able to repeat those career numbers this year, I'm pretty confident that he'll still produce enough to be a big contributor to the team. In retrospect I would have liked a little bit more power coming from my 1B position though.

Rd5. Matt Holliday OF - A top ten fantasy pick last, but a disappointingly unproductive season and a trade away from the hitter friendly thin air of Coors Field plummets his value to the fifth round. His home/away split stats in Colorado seem back up this assumption, but I still think he will maintain his stellar average and still be capable reaching the 30 hr/100 rbi plateau.

Rd6. Joe Mauer C - Picking up a catcher in the 6th may be a bit early, but it's actually more restrained then last year when I took Russell Martin in the 4th round. I sort of think Mauer's a tad overrated, but I can't deny he'll give me a major boost in the batting average category from a position that normally is poison to it. Of course this is all when he comes back from his stint on the DL for back problems.

Rd7. Cliff Lee SP - For all those people who thought Cliff's amazing, out of nowhere, Cy Young winning season last year was the fluke of a lifetime, his opening day start seems to indicate that they were totally right. However it is of course only one game and while I can't expect him to repeat last season, I still think he'll end up being a solid number 2 starter.

Rd8. Bobby Abreu OF - Sure he's getting a bit long in the tooth and his home run power has notoriously dipped since his famous home run derby win in 2005, but the man is still a five category roto machine. In that quality Angels line up, I expect another productive year from him.

Rd9. Matt Capps RP - Ah Matt Capps, the patron saint of second tier closers. When he comes off the board, you know you better start scrambling for the remaining closers left. As terrible as the Pirates are, they'll still win plenty of savable games, and Capps is dependably entrenched as the starting closer. I could have done better but I also could have done a lot worse.

Rd10. Carlos Zambrano SP - Once again I turn to probably my favorite fantasy pitcher, the rock steady Zambrano. What more can I say then I wish I had five Carlos Zambranos starting for me.

Rd11. Brian Wilson RP - What second tier closing tandem is complete without the addition of Brian Wilson? I actually had to pick him up two rounds higher than in my previous draft due to an early rush on closers. I'm obviously just looking for quantity of saves rather than quality.

Rd12. Andre Either OF - Yet another repeat from my first team. What can I say, every year you end up drafting a handful of the same players either due to similar circumstances or some personal favoritism. I for one am exited for the young OF and expect a breakout year from him.

Rd13. Zack Greinke SP - Did I mention I ended up with a a lot of repeats in this draft from the first draft?

Rd14. Adrian Beltre 3B - I feel sorry for Adrian Beltre. The man is forever haunted by the one straight up monster year he had in 2004. Every year since then has been a disappointment by comparison, despite the fact that they have been consistent to better than his career averages. They're steady, good numbers but nowhere near 2004. Of course he totally cashed in on that 2004 season when he signed his lucrative long term deal with the Mariners, so I guess I should really feel bad for the Mariners.

Rd15. Chien-Ming Wang SP - Wang's a great pitcher in reality but, in the realm of fantasy, his meager strikeout numbers and decent ERA and WHIP make him a merely good pitcher. He really only provides superb numbers in one pitching category: wins. Everybody loves wins.

Rd16. Ted Lilly SP - Deja vu?

Rd17. Brad Hawpe OF - He's a solid back up OF option. It also helps that he plays for the Rockies and he has demonstrated in the past (2007) that he was capable of elite fantasy numbers. While it remains to be seen if he could reach those numbers again, he's still a good hitter.

Rd18. Kazuo Matsui 2B - Unfortunately I waited just a bit too long to draft Jose Lopez as my 2B in the later rounds of the draft so I got stuck with Kaz Mat. It's a pretty bad situation, I may have to turn to trading to remedy it. For now, I'll have to plug in him and hope that he stays relatively healthy and continues to steal bases.

Rd19. Troy Glaus 3B - Definitely not as useful as he used to be when he qualified for SS and was taking steroids. The guy had 27 hrs and 99 rbis last year, yet he's totally relegated to late round bench fodder.

Rd20. John Smoltz SP - Just like my first team, I took another chance on Smoltz again during the late rounds. However at the time, there was no news that he wouldn't be ready to pitch until June. He's chilling in the DL slot for now but I may have to drop him.

Rd21. Fausto Carmona SP - Sort of a less consistent version of Chien-Ming Wang, not really sure what I'll do with him. Last year was trash, but I took a flyer on the assumption that he might be alternating good odd year seasons with bad even year seasons like Brett Saberhagen in the 80s.

It's Just a Fantasy...2009

Can you believe that April is already upon us? Man, March went by so fast that I didn't even get around to reaching my ten post monthly quota (and that's the story I'm sticking to). Of course, for all baseball fans, the start of April means the start of another fresh new season; another year of following your team through the 162 game war of attrition that marches through the sweltering dog days of summer and hopefully into the chilly promised land of October. As for my hometown Mets, the outlook for 2009 seems relatively optimistic. The team is essentially the same as last year but they made moves to completely turn their biggest, most crippling liability (the bullpen) into what may very well be their greatest strength. In addition, Sports Illustrated, just the other day, predicted the Mets to win the World Series and at the same time fatally jinxed CC Sabathia by putting him on the cover. And finally, what are the statistical odds of a third straight disastrous September collapse? Improbable, right? Right?!

The start of the new baseball season also signals the beginning of, that other great national pastime, fantasy baseball. While all I can really do is watch, cheer, and hope for the best in the realm of real world baseball, within the stat filled universe of fantasy baseball, I can at least attempt to exert some sort of control over my team's destiny, and it all starts with the draft.

The drafts for both my yearly Yahoo! Fantasy Baseball teams have recently concluded and the initial die has been cast. So once again I present the exclusive 2009 round by round coverage of the first of my two annual fantasy baseball teams:

League: The Champs Are Here

My Team: The Chan Ho Parks
Draft order: 1st pick out of 12
Previous Year's Rank: 8 of 12

For the second straight year, my team managed subpar 8th place finish. It was technically worse than last year since there were 12 teams as opposed to 13. Looking back with the crystal clear lucidity of hindsight at my picks from last year, all I can do is shake my head at some of my demented optimism. There were injury plagued busts (Chris Young, Ryan Zimmerman), breakout stars that just broke (Corey Hart, Rich Hill), and of course, as the case with every Victor draft, terrible closer seasons (Trevor Hoffman, Rafeal Soriano). These types of disappointments, however, are not just exclusive to me, time makes fools of every drafter. The key to success is how one adapts and adjusts their initial hand as the season progresses. But delusion will always springs eternal at the start of the year draft:

Rd1. Hanley Ramirez SS - This was the first time in my entire fantasy baseball drafting existence that I got the first overall pick. Unfortunately, I promptly squandered this opportunity by forgetting about the draft and showing up five rounds late. Although, all things considered, you're probably better off having the auto drafter make a 1st overall pick than a more nuanced later one. Han-Ram has been generally considered the consensus number one pick so, with the possible impulse choice of David Wright, I would have likely drafted him anyway.

Rd2. Carlos Beltran OF - For the second year in a row I get him as my second round selection. I can't really complain about the auto drafter's selection here, he's a top tier fantasy OF. Although I usually prefer to fill out my scarce infield positions and then rely on the depth of the outfielders.

Rd3. Prince Fielder 1B - A little disappointed with the drafter's discretion on this pick. There are plenty of big bat, slow footed (although he somehow managed to steal 3 bases last year) slugging 1Bs to be found later in the draft. Last year was a definite regression from his monster 50 HR 2007 and I have a feeling that the Brewers are headed for a step back this year. Also, I like to keep my teams with "no fatties".

Rd4. David Ortiz UTL - I really don't approve of this selection. Right after drafting a big fat slugger in the previous round, the auto drafter picks up another big fat slugger...with even less versatility. I've always been wary of that small class of straight up DH guys who can only play in the valuable utility spot. If they're not providing you above average production, they're just hindering your roster flexibility. I also think that Big Papi is basically done as the fantasy monster that he once was. I'm sure he'll still contribute to the team but those 40+ HR/125+ RBI/.300 seasons may be a thing of the past.

Rd5. Curtis Granderson OF - I'm not really over the moon about this pick as well. He's got speed and a little bit of pop, hopefully he can get back to being a 20/20 guy. If he ends up with something similar to his 2007 numbers he'll make for a good poor man's Grady Sizemore. If only triples were a roto category.

Rd6. Chad Billingsley SP - This is actually my first real pick of the draft. I frantically entered the drafting room to find that it was five rounds in and the drafter had yet to give me a pitcher. Based on what was available, I was glad to see my long time fantasy crush Chad Billingsley was still on the board. For the past three years I have had him on one team or another and he has never disappointed. As my ace, I expect another 15+ win, low 3 ERA, 200K season from the man.

Rd7. Mariano Rivera RP - Throughout my fantasy existence, the only closer I have ever selected in the past who did not immediately turn into suck for the upcoming season has been Mo. His ability as a closer to remain healthy and productive after being drafted on one of my teams is one of his greatest accomplishments as a pitcher and will no doubt be noted on his Hall of Fame plaque.

Rd8. Ryan Zimmerman 3B - Let that be a lesson kids, you wait until the 8th round to address your 3B position and you get Ryan Zimmerman. This is actually a full round lower then when I got him last year. Last year was a complete disaster (perhaps National disaster?), but I still hold out hope that he'll come back healthy, productive, and emerge from the fantasy blackhole that is the Washington Nationals to actually become a useful player again.

Rd9. Carlos Zambrano SP - As a fantasy owner, I am first and foremost drawn to predictable dependability. I usually like to leave all the high upside, high risk selections to the other owners. Few players embody the steady reliability I look for than the Big Z. The guy's a lock every year to pitch 200 innings, keep the ERA under 4, toss around 200Ks, win around 15 games, and walk a ton of guys. Last year was actually a slight aberration from the norm but I'll definitely start him with confidence.

Rd10. Andre Ethier OF - I hate to admit it but I really dig the Dodgers' lineup, in addition to stars like Manny and Furcal, they've got a really solid lineup of exciting young players, including Ethier, who is still slightly undervalued and has terrific upsides.

Rd11. Zack Grenke SP - Everyone's favorite brooding ace seemed to have overcame his social anxiety disorder and being a Royal to put together a fine looking season. I'm hoping that he'll continue his development and bring me similar to better numbers as my number three starter. One more quality year and I will stop referring to him with the word "crazy" in front of his name.

Rd12. Jose Lopez 2B - Lopez is my official hot pick of the year. In a position category where the talent level falls off a cliff after the top four or so guys are taken, I've grown quite fond of the criminally overlooked young 2B from Seattle. Despite solid offensive numbers (.297/19/89) and the potential for an even bigger breakout season, I find him lumped around middling, later draft, second tier options like Rickie Weeks and Kelly Johnson.

Rd13. Brian Wilson RP - Since I find drafting closers to be a complete crap shoot, I just looked for guys who had at least a firm lock on their jobs. Brian Wilson definitely is of the Todd Jones/Joe Borowski school of unsexy closing, but I'm willing to settle for quantity over quality in my saves. With an improved Giants team this year, would another 40 save season be all that out of the question?

Rd14. Bengie Molina C - Ah the catching position; where unless you overpaid for one of the top five or so catchers, the question to ask in making a pick isn't "will this player help my team" but "will this player not hurt my team"? His laughable position as the Giants' cleanup hitter last year allowed him to put up career offensive numbers. I expect them to be a little tempered this year but still consistent.

Rd15. Ted Lilly SP - Lilly's eight or so years of pitching mediocrity before joining the Cubs has thus far seemed to have shielded many from the fact that his last two seasons have been his best and most productive. Durable and consistent, another quality Victor type player.

Rd16. Kevin Gregg RP - I drafted him as an afterthought, just for the seemingly unlikely chance that he was going to beat out the far more talented Carlos Marmol for the Cub's closer spot. It was a pleasant surprise when he actually won out. The Cubs are going to win a lot of games this year and many of those wins will require unflashy, workman-like, Kevin Gregg saves.

Rd17. Jair Jurrjens SP - No real story behind this pick. I just needed a pitcher on the bench and I figured he had some decent upsides. Also, I felt the team could have used more J's on the roster.

Rd18. Ryan Theriot SS - By this point in the draft you're getting all your bench players in order so who's a better spark plug off the bench than Ryan The Riot? Versatility, a good average, plenty of speed, and most importantly "scrappy intangibles".

Rd19. John Smoltz SP - Sure he'll turn 42 in May and he's coming off major surgery and there's a good possibility that he'll be rocked by American League hitting; but until he shows me otherwise, the guy can still throw. How quickly people forget that he was well on his way to another age-defying sterling season last year before going down. I'm willing to take a flyer for the 19th round.

Rd20. Jeff Francour OF - He had just an absolutely atrocious season last year, but as a late round pick it's totally low risk/high reward. He's still a young guy and if he can make some adjustments and put up numbers even somewhat resembling his 06 and 07 seasons, it'll be more than worth it.

Rd21. Mike Pelfrey SP - Why the heck not? Gives me someone else to root for.

Patrick Chewing

All I've got are two questions. How awesome is the above commercial and how did I not see it until just recently? As a fan of Hall of Fame Knick centers, I found this to be as satisfying as any Snickers bar. Sure the sweet flat-top fade is obviously a wig, his less than stellar physique certainly seems to indicate he's been having more than his share of "Patrick Chewings", and if he was going to jam on a goofy white guy I would have preferred it to have been Rik Smits; but in the end it was just a pleasant surprise to see the big guy in action again.

On a related note. At one point did the entire marketing and advertising community agree that candy commercials should be disturbing and surreal? Between Skittles' nightmarescapes and the absurdist fare of Starbursts the emphasis seems to have switched from sweet and delicious to creepy and unsettling. Compared to those Daliesque experiments, those quirky Mentos commercials look like cinéma vérité. Call me old fashioned, but I wouldn't mind a wholesome old Werther's commercial every now and then.

The Previous Hour

So what has Victor been doing for the previous hour?

Reviewing the complicated tax code materials for his Trusts and Estates class?

Clearing out all the leftover dirty dishes and cups from his room?

Putting in more applications for summer employment?

Or crudely Photoshopping bad puns and American English idioms into a comic he found on the internet mocking the intro to "CSI Miami"?

Baracketology

For all those who are completely oblivious to the national sports scene, that sudden decline in attention and productivity within your office/school/factory/etc. can probably be attributed to the start of the NCAA Division I Men's Basketball Tournament and all the wagering and bracket projecting that it entails. It's a yearly national phenomenon, kind of like the Super Bowl stretched out over weeks. Even if you have little to no connection to college basketball, chances are if you've got friends, you've filled out a bracket or two. While pundits, professional gamblers, sports experts, and Joe Lundari would like to have you believe that there is some sort of advanced science to making accurate bracket predictions, in the end it's just as random as picking lottery numbers.

That's one of the big reasons it has such wide appeal. Anyone can participate, even if you have no idea how the game of basketball is played. All you have to do is make binary decisions that narrow a field of 64 down to 1. Of course a little bit of research and knowledge of the particulars can only help when those decisions, but more often then not it seems like the sports illiterate secretary or the guy in class who doesn't watch TV, or someones 8 year old is the one coming out ahead in a large pool full of fans and experts.

So of course what better way for a president to endear himself to populist sentiment then to do his own bracket as well. Maybe it's because we have a young, hip, basketball loving president, but I can't recall news stories any of the prior presidents making their own March Madness sheets. While writing up your own sheet as the President may seem like an innocuous bit of positive publicity, I think it's nothing but trouble:

• The biggest drawback of having a public bracket is that right off the bat you are snubbing 63 out of 64 schools. When the President makes a Super Bowl prediction, he'll obviously alienate the hometown fans of one city over another. With the NCAA tournament, you can only pick one out of 64. Just as soon as the bracket was announced, Duke's Coach K immediately announced is displeasure. In the words of another prominent Illinois Commander in Chief:“You can’t please all of the people all of the time".
• Just one look at the President's brackets seem to indicate a fairly by the numbers, chalk heavy approach to his selections. There are very few upsets or surprises here. For a candidate who ran on a platform of change and bold new thinking for this country, it certainly isn't reflected in his selections. It looks like standard Washington bracketing as usual. The last thing you want is for people to be calling your brackets conservative.
• In addition, apparently Obama originally picked Pitt and Louisville in the national title game with Louisville winning but then quickly scratched it out and replaced Pitt with UNC and had the Tar Heels winning it all. This bit of publicized indecision is not the image you want to reflect as the President. If you're going to pick, pick boldly.
• Perhaps it's not the best move for Obama to align himself with an activity that is inherently driven by billions in illegal gambling and is associated with workplace unproductiveness, especially in this economic climate. You want to project that you're working day and night to solve the credit crisis, not working on the office pool.
• Obama picked, UNC, probably the second most polarizing college basketball team. The only worse team he could have chosen would have been Duke. He should have gone with a more neutral favorite like Pitt or Louisville or maybe a trendy upstart like Wake Forrest or Syracuse. Atleast he can't be accused of rampant homerism by taking overrated Illionis deep into the tournament.
  

Gold Digging, part 4: Pop Treasures

I have to admit things have been a bit slow around here lately (lousy obligations of the real world). So I figure what better way to break up this recent posting drought then to start the second half of my ongoing A.M. Gold mining expedition. We're cracking open a whole new three CD set, "Radio Hits '69-'74". It's a curiously specific title considering this collection's usually ambiguous and ill defined categorizing. However, fans of unspecific musical compiling, will still be satisfactorily left in the dark by the first CD from the set "Pop Treasures". I'm going to assume it's some sort combination of types of songs found in the previously reviewed "Pop Classics" CD and "Top 40 Treasures" CD, all apparently within the boundaries of 1969 to 1974.

Well, time to dig in!:

1. "Little Willy" - Sweet (1973) #3

Sweet is definitely up there in my personal list of historic bands I would have liked to have been a part of. Mixing the funnest parts of glam rock and bubble gum pop with a dash of early heavy metal, these guys always looked like they were having a good time racking up hits on both sides of the ocean and never taking themselves too seriously. "Little Willy" is a classic A.M. Gold rocker with all the proper ingredients: big hooks, crunchy riffs, and a catchy sing-a-long chorus. Is it just me or is this whole song an extended metaphor for someone trying to keep down an erection ("Little Willy, Willy won't go home")? It seems pretty blatant to me.

2. "Come and Get Your Love" - Redbone (1974) #5

While I admire the fact that "Come and Get Your Love" by the rare Native American band Redbone is the biggest Native American related billboard hit aside from Paul Revere & the Raiders' classic 1971 chart topper (and Victor karaoke classic) "Indian Reservation (The Lament of the Cherokee Reservation Indian)", I still am not a fan of the song. It's just an unamendable oil and water situation. I think it all goes back to the traumatizing childhood experience of listening to my sister play her Real McCoy album which included their awful Eurotrash dance cover day and night. Hearing that first before the original just turned me off to the song all together. Perhaps in another life the situation will be reversed and I'll be down with the bone.

3. "Precious and Few" - Climax (1972) #3

It's a decent song but found it overall to be a bit too soft for my tastes. The beginning of this song inexplicably reminds me of the beginning of "Cherish" by the Association. They also share a similar mellow theme of adoring the receiver of the lyrics. This similarity however works against "Precious and Few" since it always causes it to be unfairly compared with the superior "Cherish". Overall not a bad effort, but the Climax I prefer will still be with a K, Y, and two XXes.

4. "Don't Pull Your Love Out" - Hamilton, Joe Frank, and Reynolds (1971) #4

This was definitely a bona fide, straight up A.M. Gold discovery for me! I couldn't get it out my head for a week; pure 24 carat A.M. Gold from the slick production to the snappy rolling chorus! Kudos to the hi making law firm of Hamilton, Joe Frank, and Reynolds. My theory is that the best pop songs about heartbreak fit in two distinct categories: they can either be over-the-top, totally bombastic, epic tragedies (a la "The Worst That Could Happen") or, as with this case, perplexingly upbeat songs with tones completely opposite from their subject matter. The protagonist of the sing is begging for the woman not to leave him and crumble his entire world, yet it's delivered with a good time, easy vibe. Awesome!

5. "Last Song" - Edward Bear (1972) #3

Had the technology existed in 1972 for people to make personal mix compilations for each other, I suspect there would have been many a break up mixes with "Last Song" as the literal last song on the mix. There's a soft, weepy, sappy melancholy in it, but it actually keeps a open a sliver of hope by mentioning that they still love the person. It's another quality A.M. Gold track and an exemplary example of its genre. The only thing that could improve its standing would if the band Edward Bear actually had a real life bear member, had a pet bear, or at the very least had some sort of bear costume/image thing going like Teddybears.

6. "Sylvia's Mother" - Dr. Hook & The Medicine Show (1972) #5

I really can't decide how to read "Sylvia's Mother". There's no question that's it's an awful song. However, it straddles an incredibly tenuous line between just plain awful and so awful that it actually becomes interesting; and I can't determine which side of the line it falls under. While nowhere near great, it does fit that deliciously tragic and overblown part of my great pop heartbreak song dichotomy; the stakes are high enough and the whole song is sung in this outrageous, irritating whine. However even at its most bombastic moments you have that ridiculous interjection by the telephone operator asking for more money for the call that makes me wonder if this whole song is just some bad joke or parody. Given the fact that it was written by quirky, poet, writer, and general Renaissance man Shel Silverstein, I have my reservations.

7. "Sweet Mary" - Wadsworth Mansion (1971) #7

This is just a fun, breezy, slice of pop gold. I can just imagine what life must have been like, driving around early 70's America in your giant, domestic automobile with the top down, the turbulence of Vietnam and the 60s rolling to an end and the disillusionment of the Watergate scandal a distant few years away. This song has a total Three Dog Night quality to it with the harmonies and the slight gospel inspired set up. It is almost as though Wadsworth Mansion broke into their recording studio and grabbed the first hit they could find. It is definately a smart move on the part of the band to emulate the sounds of the greatest A.M. Gold band of all time at the height of their powers. Unfortunately, while Three Dog Night managed to squeeze out a dozen or so gold albums and even more top 40 hits, Wadsworth Mansion faded away into the great A.M. Gold either,

8. "Garden Party" - Ricky Nelson (1972) #6

Ricky Nelson's final big hit coincided with Chuck Berry's #1 for "My Ding-a-Ling" as songs by previously forgotten 50's artists that suddenly became top ten hits in 1972. I like the smooth, country flavored, story song quality of "Garden Party". It sounds like a shorter version of "American Pie" in that it seems to have the same kind of dense metaphors and personal references. Interestingly enough, the titular garden party refers to a bad experience at a concert he gave at Madison Square Garden; it really adds a lot of context to the song. Despite all the introspective subject matter I still immaturely construe the line in the chorus, "you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself" as dirty.

9. "Signs" - Five Man Electrical Band (1971) #3

Now "Signs" is a textbook example of a song being so thoroughly in the awful territory that it actually becomes a good song. The ridiculous self righteousness oozing out of every pore of this song, despite the best intentions of its creators, can never be taken seriously. Taken without its important "message" and in this non-serious context, the song become quite fun. It definitely makes for a entertaining sing-a-long with everyone trying to sound more righteously indignant than the other. I also think that, despite the date of its release, this song still has a more 60s (albeit fake and hollow 60s) protest feel to it, so I wouldn't personally categorize it in the A.M. Gold genre.

10. "Oh, Babe, What Would You Say?" - Hurricane Smith (1972) #3

This is totally one of those "only in the 70s" kind of hits. You got this lifelong British sound engineer who in his late 40s decides to start recording his own music under the pseudonym, Hurricane Smith, and suddenly he's got a transatlantic hit with a song that sounds like a 30's standard. Did I also mention his voice sounds like a Muppet and he looks like a slightly less unattractive Jim Croce? It's an amazing triumph. At first I was totally turned off by this odd little tune but against all odds, much like its original unlikely climb up the charts, it totally won me over, little by little, listening after listening. It also looks like two tons of fun to do on the karaoke machine.

11. "Everything is Beautiful" - Ray Stevens (1970) #1

It's interesting to note that this is actually the first number one single on the album thus far. Compared to the three other #1 loaded compilations I've reviewed this is quite a change indeed. That being said, this song straight up sucks. Ray Stevens strays away from his quirky, novelty bread and butter and makes a lame hamfisted "message" song and is somehow rewarded with one of the biggest hits of his career. While any song with a child chorus is almost always a deal breaker for me, the worst part of the song for me is the subtle condescending feeling I get from the lyrics. I know it's all about tolerance and seeing the beauty of all things, but the "everything is beautiful in its own way" just comes off a bit smug in my book. It sounds like "yeah X is beautiful but by their own inferior standards rather than in my own eyes". I don't know, I'm probably reading way too much into it. You definately wouldn't get this sort of ambiguity with "The Streak"

12. "Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye)" - Steam (1969) #1

The selection of this apt closer seems to indicate that perhaps there might have been some attention paid to the arrangement of these tracks this album! We can only dream! As for the song itself, it's good but at one point I might have liked it more. It's overuse as a stadium crowd pleaser and official tauting anthem of departing individuals has sort of taken a lot of the sheen of the song. It's not longer a song, it's a Jock Jam, whose ubiquity puts it into a whole different category of music and standards by which it should be judged. As for the above album cover? Just about the gayest thing this side of Orleans.

I must say "Pop Treasures" was quite a departure from what I've been used to from the previous A.M. Gold set. It was definitely a more varied and deeper catalog of hits, with less chart toppers and more classic hidden gems. Perhaps they should have gone with "Pop Gems". The track listing was generally strong and the small handful of disappointments were made up by the new quality finds. I'm looking forward to all the other potential hits from 1969 to 1974, the "Golden Age" of A.M. Gold.

Double Feature

One of the minor fringe benefits of watching a movie on its opening weekend is the fact that in addition to the poppin' fresh feature, you get to see the latest poppin' fresh previews. It's a minor thing, but I really do notice the difference when I go to a film that's been in the theaters for a month or two and see nothing but outdated trailers of currently running features. For some people, the preview is sometimes reason enough to go into a particular movie. I remember a few years back, a significant number of die hard fans paid the full fare to see the forgettable "Dreamcatcher" just to see the first previews for the Matrix sequel and walk out. It might have even won its weekend because of it.

During my recent opening day trek out to see "Watchmen", I got to observe the latest and greatest features Hollywood had lined up in its pipeline. While I have nothing amazing to report from my glimpse of the future, the above pictured, upcoming Seth Rogen vehicle "Observe and Report" did catch my attention for different reasons. These reasons may become more obvious after viewing the recent trailer for yourself. Notice anything familiar?:

• A large mall setting?
  
• Doughy mall cop protagonist with a comically over inflated sense of duty and importance?
• Attractive female mall employee love interest?
• A sudden opportunity for said mall cop protagonist to become a hero?
• Slapstick physical comedy?
• Condescending law enforcement officials that look down on said mall cop?
• Plenty of comical shots of said mall cop cruising around in a personal transport?
• Fat guys falling down?
  

Looks an awful lot like another recent film.

It appears indeed that the ever unpredictable Hollywood movie machine has inexplicably cranked out two "Mall Cop Hero Comedies" in the same year! Despite modern technology providing endless avenues of expression via the cinematic medium and the infinite amount of stories to be told of the human condition, we find ourselves with two films coincidentally following the incredibly narrow topic of "Mall Cop Hero Comedy". While this may seem like a once in a life time cosmic event, like a sort of cinematic syzygy; it's actually more common then you think.

Just three years ago we had a double Victorian era magic act with vastly superior "The Prestige" trumping the "The Illusionist". Only about four years ago we experienced two biopics about Truman Capote ("Captote" and the criminally underrated "Infamous" coming out in about a one year span). The year before that we had the dueling first daughter romantic comedies "Chasing Liberty" and "First Daughter". In 2000, we experienced two separate unsuccessful manned voyages to mars in "Mission to Mars" and "Red Planet". Even a seemingly unique and creative concept like "The Truman Show" had an eerie thematic doppelganger in "EDtv" in 1999. There was the CGI showdown between "A Bug's Life" and "Antz" between 1998 and 1999. An even more unlikely duo of biopics about 70s long-distance runner Steve Prefontaine ("Prefontaine" and "Without Limits") came out between 1997 and 1998 (to this day I still confuse Jared Leto and Billy Crudup movies). Also in 1998, summer asteroid films Deep Impact and Armageddon hit theatres within two months of each other. That double dose of disaster stuck while we were trying to recover from havoc released the previous year when Dante's Peak and it's flashier, less scientifically accurate brother Volcano erupted within months of each other.

Unavoidable coincidences based on the large number of yearly mainstream movie releases? Or just an indication of Hollywood's creative bankruptcy? You can draw your own conclusions on that. One thing I noticed about these twin billings is that in nearly all cases, one film is usually vastly superior to the other (Forrest Whitaker's direction in "First Daughter" clearly gives it the edge). While we're all aware about my (and America's) inexplicable affection for "Paul Blart", the trailer has given me zero indication that "Observe and Protect" will even be a watchable film let alone the superior picture. The film seems to have taken the Blart story and sucked out all the likability and charm. Where as Kevin James' character had a sympathetic, everyman quality to him, Seth Rogen's mall cop seems downright cruel and sadistic. I find his personal monologue in the trailer, creepy and unsettling rather than funny. Both characters seem to find themselves unexpectedly thrusted into a heroic situation but while Blart does his best to save the day, Rogen's just seems all about manipulating the situation for his own unscrupulous gains. Even the casting of the always delightfully bubbly Anna Faris fails add enough for me to want to see this film, even on a lark. I didn't recall anyone laughing at any point in the trailer which is always a bad sign. Perhaps we're just about approaching critical mass in our tolerance of Seth Rogen and his unchanging schlubby stoner persona. In any case, it'll be interesting to see who comes out on top in this twin rivalry and goes down in history as THE definitive "Mall Cop Comedy".

Victor Watches the Watchmen. But Who Watches Lee Iacocca?

The other day I got around to watching the "Watchmen." The fact that it was on opening day itself was significant enough. The last time I saw a movie on opening day was "Rush Hour 2" (which was also the last movie before "The Dark Knight" where I actually got excited watching the trailer) during the tail end of my legendary pre-freshman year of college Summer of Victor where I somehow managed an unexpected streak of catching the number one box office film for about four or five straight weeks.

The reviews for "Watchmen" thus far seem to run the gambit from bloated, melodramatic drivel to a remarkable, next level, achievement in the comic book movie genre, and everything in between. As for me, on the whole I found it to be generally positive. Of course, I have to add the fact that I went into the movie with a fairly low standard of expectations. My one genuine bit of praise for director Zack Snyder, it that at least he was ambitious. He was ambitious to even attempt to affix such an iconic, sprawling, difficult, story into film. There's a reason co-creator Alan Moore still considers the story unfilmable. Not only do you have to some how tell this dense, multi-layered, chaotically presented story in one feature length film, but you have to walk this impossibly fine line between satisfying the cult fan base by maintaining fidelity to the original material while trying to make a unique piece of cinema that isn't just a rote motion comic. It was bound for disappointment.

Given this unwinnable situation, it looks like the filmmakers relied more on the path of least resistance and stayed conservatively true to the material. At points during the film, I could literally recall the specific panels from the comic, as if they just exclusively worked off them as the storyboards. There were obviously some variations from the source material but, like the excising of the whole pirate story, it seemed more out of the constraints of keeping the film under 3 hours than really for any original artistic merit. Is all this necessarily a bad thing? Not really. Given the unfair situation, falling back on the material seems like a prudent choice given the high quality of the original material. Speaking of the source material, one of the other major reasons against making a "Watchmen" film now is that it is just not as relevant as it was in 1986. The whole nihilistic Cold War destruction themes just don't have the power in today's new world order. For the people of 1986 the spectre of Nuclear holocaust was a legitimate one, where as the concept of global thermonuclear war for my generation and beyond is as unreal as Dr. Manhattan's giant CGI dong. Given that, the "Watchmen" (much like with Iron Maiden's "Two Minutes to Midnight") loses a lot of its power.

Oh yeah and the film's music SUUUCCCKKKEEED. It was just a baffling collection of pop music (with one too many Leonard Cohen tunes) injected into the film at the worst times with the subtly of a punch to the face.

Despite these drawbacks, however, I still think the good outweighed the bad and in the end it kept me enthralled for the nearly 3 hour run time (definitely not an easy task for any film). It was still a fascinating, commendably ambitious exercise in storytelling. As just a guy who's not usually into comics who read the "Watchmen" and enjoyed it, just a hybrid of the fanatical comic book lover and the complete neophyte, it was satisfying.

Having said my two cents about the film, I also wanted to mention the above, bizarre Lee Iacocca impersonator cameo in the film. Given his status as one of the great icons of business and industry in the 1980s, it was a nifty piece of artistic license to include him within the rich tableau of the alternate 1985 created for the film. I noticed the film had a noticeably large cast of famous impersonators ranging from the prominent character of 1980s Richard Nixon to a faux McLaughlin Group panel (finally an opportunity that one Eleanor Clift impersonator to shine!). The sweeping title sequence to the film (which was actually quite an ingenious way to cover the enormous back story and efficiently provide context for the present plot; hands down the best part of the entire movie) itself employs almost half a century worth of famous faces and figures.

The interesting thing about the Lee Iacocca impersonator was how, in stark contrast to reality, he ends up meeting a grisly end by getting caught in the crossfire during an unsuccessful assassination attempt on one of the Watchman, Ozymandias. It was a bit jarring to see the lovable Chryster pitchman and former "Lee of the Month" winner on my long running facebook group, get one right between the eyes (apparently Lee wasn't a fan of his alternate dimise as well). It also made me think if there were any other films out there where impersonators of real life, living public figures were killed on screen.

There have been plenty of movies with alternate histories where certain figures were implied to have lived or died (like Hitler or JFK). But I really couldn't think of too many movies off the top of my head where a then currently living figure was killed on screen. In fact the only movie I could think of was "Hot Shots: Part Deux" where Lloyd Bridges dispatches a ridiculously fictionalized version of the then living Saddam Hussein. Leslie Nielson delivers a comically severe beat down on numerous world leaders in the first "Naked Gun" movie, but none of it appears to be fatal. If it weren't for the fact that public figures have a much higher standard for defamation, you'd think they'd have some case for their reputation being hurt by being shown to be killed or beat up on screen.

Anyone else have any examples of famous fictional film deaths?

Orange you glad?

As my final, quota matching, post of the month, I would just like to mention my immense satisfaction over the return of the traditional Tropicana Orange Juice Carton. As a life long drinker of Tropicana Pure Premium Orange Juice, I shared the dismay and disappointment with my fellow drinkers when we came across the needless abomination of packing design that was the new Tropicana logo. I grew up with the timeless orange straw logo and even once attempted (with complete futility) to actually drink the juice out of an orange via straw. Instead of the classic straw speared orange that greeted us at the refrigerated juice aisle for all those years, we were exposed to a generic piece of re-branding gone wrong that failed to even clearly distinguish "no pulp" to "extra pulp" without effort.

The fact that, we the consumer were able to voice a strong enough opinion on these new packages to force a change by parent Pepsi Co. provided me with an encouraging glimmer of faith in our democracy and our capitalist system; two basic elements of the American experience that haven't seen the best of times in recent years. Perhaps this minor victory for the juice loving public will be the first of many momentum shifting victories that'll help turn the tide of these tough economic times to a better, brighter future. At the very least, we'll have a nice satisfying glass of orange juice before facing those challenges ahead.


Also, in addition to this week's defeat in the court of general juice opinion there was also the stunning revelation that the Obama team was clearly going the other way in the Pepsi challenge. These two defeats in one week for Pepsi Co should give some indication among the top brass that this major branding overhaul was just a worthless, expensive quagmire. Let's turn that logo back to its proper alignment!

Gold Digging, part 3: Top 40 Treasures

We officially enter the halfway mark as we wrap up the third and final disc of my first A.M. Gold box set. We've heard both "radio gems" and "pop classics", but Time-Life now enters unprecedented levels of non-specificity with "Top 40 Treasures"; thus opening the door to essentially every possible song that was a hit in the 60s and 70s. At least we can gleam from the ambiguous title that there won't be any non-top 40 hits (although that's not much of a shocker given that they have yet to include any songs that charted outside of the top ten).

All that glitters is gold!:

1. "I Can Help" - Billy Swan (1974) #1

This was one of those Country/Pop crossover hits that were surprisingly frequent in the 70s, and which made up a significant chunk of the A.M. Gold genre. It's a happy little A.M. pop nugget, nothing remarkably good or bad about it. I'll leave it on if it comes on the radio, but I won't crank it up. Also, am I the only one who construes the "it would sure do me good to do you good" to be dirtier than it should be?

2. "Jackie Blue" - Ozark Mountain Daredevils (1975) #3

Now here's a true A.M. Gold classic! A strange, country flavored, funk-light, smooth jam with a classically cool delivery. It's a wholly unique single that can only really be classified as a product of the diverse A.M. Gold era. The Ozark Mountain Daredevils, in addition to having one of the most awesome band names ever, has one of the most distinct sounds of any band from the the period. While their technical label may have been "Southern Rock", songs like "Jackie Blue" gave them a unique, almost prog-rock edge. One of the better descriptions, given by wikipedia, is a "countrified Steely Dan".

3. "Green-Eyed Lady" - Sugarloaf (1970) #3

Here's another pop rock pillar of the A.M. Gold canon. The CD actually had the 3 plus minute radio edit of the song. It really should be enjoyed in its original 7 minute plus version. Any song with prominent jazz organs should be a minimum six minutes long (will someone please direct me to the "Walking on the Sun" 12 inch mix?). The length really sets it apart from most of its A.M. Gold contemporaries but once again that unique sound can only be categorized as pure gold.

4. "Sooner or Later" - The Grass Roots (1970) #9

I consider "Sooner or Later" to be one of the best, straight forward pop love songs of all time. There are no subtle innuendos or elaborate metaphors to muddy up the message. The whole effort is simplicity itself, with about 75% of the tune being the chorus hammering home the hypnotic mantra of capitulating to the inevitable power of love. I'm surprised this song never became a staple of generic romantic comedy soundtracks or trailers along the lines of Natalie Cole's "This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)". It really sums up the entire premise of all romantic comedies that despite all efforts to resist, everyone falls in love in the end. It's a perfect capper of a song to play while they roll the end credits.

5. "Black and White" - Three Dog Night (1972) #1

You definitely can't have an A.M. Gold compilation without some Three Dog Night. I consider them to be the most successful pure A.M. Gold band of all time. Looking over their discography, I am surprised at how varied and successful they really were. "Black and White", their preachy public appeal for racial tolerance is just as relevant today as it was in 1972. Regarding the context of the song, I always wondered if they had the backup cred of actually being an integrated band. Any footage I've seen of them seem to show about a dozen people in the background and it's not far fetched to assume at least one of these guys was black thus fulfilling the unifying dreams of the song.

6. "(Hey Won't You Play) Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song" - B.J. Thomas (1975) #1

It's another mid-70's crossover country pop number one. I must admit, not really a fan of the song. The whole thing just sounds so unmemorably generic that I wonder how it ever managed to become such a big crossover single. I also hate the unnecessarily long winded title with the confusing parentheses. My favorite B.J. Thomas song will forever always his duet with Jennifer Warnes for the theme to "Growing Pains".

7. "Billy, Don't Be a Hero" - Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods (1974) #1

It's really interesting that, while this version and the Paper Lace version are not all that different, in America the Bo Donaldson version that went to number #1 while the Paper Lace single went nowhere and in the UK the the Paper Lace version went to #1 while the other faltered. Frankly I support the Bo Donaldson version out of outright patriotism. What right did a British band like Paper Lace have in recording pop songs co-opting events in American history? We've never had bands here writing about the Battle of Hastings or the signing of the Magna Carta. "The Night Chicago Died" was a wildly inaccurate (albeit endlessly entertaining) mess of a pop history song that made "The Battle of New Orleans" sound like a thoroughly researched historical lecture.

8. "The Entertainer" - Marvin Hamlisch (1974) #3

Nothing demonstrates the unparalleled variety of the A.M. Gold genre then the hit version of "The Entertainer" by "rock superstar" Marvin Hamlisch (although only the second person, along with Richard Rogers, to have won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony, and a Pulizter). The 70s was that sort of insane time when an adaptation of a turn of the century ragtime instrumental used in a movie would rocket up the charts to number 3. It's definitely one of the more interesting and unexplainable chart successes of the decade. I wonder if we'll be saying the same thing thirty years down the line when we try to explain "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" to our children.

9. "You Don't Mess Around With Jim" - Jim Croce (1972) #8

I would categorize this more along the lines of the 70's singer/songwriter realm rather than straight ahead A.M. Gold catagory. It's a just a bit too stripped down and folksy to be up there with the more lavishly produced pop records. With that being said, this song will always be the distant second to the ruckus, toe tapping joy of "Bad Bad Leroy Brown". Did anyone else notice that thematically the two songs are totally identical? They're both about titular bad asses from the wrong side of the tracks that learn a lesson by getting brutally beaten up by unexpected upstarts they push too far. Sort of a weird theme to coincidentally repeat if you ask me.

10. "Drift Away" - Dobie Gray (1973) #5

I hate, hate, hate this song. It's definitely up there as one of my all time least favorite songs. While I hate the Dobie Gray version, I really hate the Uncle Kracker version (a cover that somehow manages to provide absolutely no new take on the original whatsoever and exists merely to bring the song back to prominence). It's boring, it's slow, I don't care for the singing and the offensively stupid chorus ("I wanna get lost in your rock n' roll"? Barf!). I would consider it a little bit more tolerable if the chorus actually was "feed me the Beach Boys, and free my soul" which I misinterpreted it to be growing up.

11. "Little Green Apples" - O.C. Smith (1968) #2

This is one of those songs that a whole bunch of artists have covered, and O.C. Smith's version is considered the definitive one, but I really like the Roger Miller version. The Smith version's got a nice, smooth soul quality to it, but Miller's sparse recording just aches with a surprising display genuine heartfelt emotion that I never thought he was capable of. Also, the whimsical, yet clever lyrics seems to much more like a Roger Miller penned song than any other. Sorry, O.C., you'll always be, alas, a distant second.

12. "Hair" - The Cowsills (1969) #2

It's not really a song I would consider A.M. Gold. It would be a better fit in the show tunes category or 60's rock. I do concede it to be, hands down, the all time greatest song about hair ever written. They really get into all the details (or perhaps "hairy details"?): types of hair, conditions of hair, styles of hair, etc. They certainly don't mess around. This ode to the coif must be the bane of every bald music fan though. Overall, a good song, but a really unexpected and random choice to close out the CD (but then again that is sort of Time-Life's policy).

On the whole "Top 40 Treasures" really lived up to its extremely broad title. This was by far the most unexpected collection of tracks yet. As I've noted, some of the tracks may not even be considered true A.M. Gold songs. With the horrible exception of "Drift Away", every other song was okay to classic. Now that we've got the first box in the bag, we'll be looking ahead to the mysterious treasures hidden within my other three CD A.M. Gold box. What digitally remastered joys and horrors lies ahead, only time (Life) will tell.

GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!

Another generally ho-hum Oscar ceremony has come and gone. This year's recession special edition seemed even less memorable than most. There were no major surprises nor any really enduring moments from the participants. Out of my 12 predictions, I got a commendable 8, however I went a miserable 1 for 4 in the major acting categories (that's what I get for following my heart). In a way, I sort of mirrored "Slumdog Millionaire"'s performance, racking up all the major non-acting awards.

Probably the most memorable thing to take from the 81st Oscars was the whole bizarro "random past winners giving a monologue of the nominees" gimmick they did for all the major acting categories. While at times actually generating genuinely compelling sentiments, the shtick as a whole felt like an awkward and weird circle jerk of empty praise. It reminded me of creative writing classes in college where we all had to first go around and say something positive about a highlighted work. Also the fact that all the presenters, in reading their pre-scripted Oscar back patting praise, kept referring to the specific nominee they were lauding by their full name, didn't help to create a sense of authenticity. It felt like some sort of grand tribunal, where the past members of Oscardom passed judgement on their fellow Oscarless actors (of course that image is slightly altered when referring to a past winning nominee like Meryl Streep or Sean Penn). Was I the only one who thought the whole thing was eerily similar to the beginning of Superman II where the Kryptonians pass sentance on General Zod ("For your transgressions Mickey Rourke, we the five Oscars, sentence you to an eternity in the Phantom Zone")?


Despite how borderline creepy it came off, the whole thing was insane enough that I kind of want them to do it again next year, with even more random presenters. I mean when was I ever going to see Joel Grey on a prime time telecast? Maybe they'll extend it out to directors. I wouldn't mind seeing how John G. Avildsen and Milos Forman are holding up.