Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Royal Wedding Makes Me Wanna Ralph

I woke up earlier than usual this morning and found myself cycling through all the major networks' prime 7 to 9 am block of morning news shows. Instead of the usual softball interviews with movie stars plugging their new films or tips on how to save at the grocery aisle or cooking segments about guiltless spring cocktails, all the morning shows were completely preoccupied with the shallow and asinine coverage of the upcoming Royal Wedding. The big three networks were even doing live broadcasts from London. I mean, it is still news but a front page story in US Weekly or People Magazine and a week of coverage on Extra and Entertainment Tonight should be enough. It should not be monopolizing all our fluff media outlets. There are too many other stories about dogs driving their owners to the hospital and pieces about celebrity beach bodies that are simply not being reported.

I mean did we lose a war or something? This is America, why should we even care this much (I know Tyler The Creator feels me on this; although to be fair he really doesn't give a shit about anything)? We fought a freakin' Revolutionary War against Prince William's family for crying out loud! As a nation founded on the principles of anti-monarchism it would be more acceptable to me if we devoted this level of attention to a prominent regicide. I imagine the only kinds of US residents that are eager to be up at 4am EST to 1am PST on Friday to watch the wedding live are either a) insane people or b) members of a sleeper cell of Revolutionary War loyalists.

One of the worse parts for me about this royal media frenzy is that despite the over saturation of coverage, not one TV channel has cashed in on this rare opportunity to air the 1991 John Goodman vehicle "King Ralph". As the most prominent mainstream film (aside from "The Queen") about the modern British Royal Family in the last 20 years and one of the most incisive commentaries on the complex historical culture clash between the United States and England, it's the perfect film to capture the zeitgeist of the moment.

If not now then when will the public get another opportunity so apt to watch this film? Its terrible box office history and critical drubbing has shown that it is certainly not meant for casual entertainment or humor. The only other time I can think of where an airing of "King Ralph" would be apropos would be if the entire Royal family perished en mass in some horrifying freak disaster like in the film (how is this movie even seen as a comedy in the UK?), but then you'd probably have some sensitive types claiming that an airing would be inappropriate.

All I'm saying is, the golden "King Ralph" showing window is rapidly closing by the hour. Will no one spare the mere two hours by Friday?

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