Saturday, February 03, 2007

I'm not here to start no trouble...

So, at the time of this post, Super Bowl XLI is roughly XXIV hours away. In terms of predictions, mine is two fold, I predict the Colts to win, however I hope the Bears come through with the upset. I really don't have any strong connections to both teams, but I'll be rooting for the Bears (while most likely betting against them), only for the outside possibility that it might lead to one thing: a new Superbowl Shuffle!

In case you're somehow not familiar with the original Superbowl Shuffle, a little context. The 1985 Chicago Bears were quite possibly the single greatest football team in the history of the NFL. Led by their dominant defense they shutdown every opponent and were well on their way to a perfect 16-0 regular season until they get their one and only loss in a late year heart breaker to the Dolphins. Seeing their perfect season marred, what do they do the next day? They go into the studio and record five and a half minutes of synth-laden, badly choreographed, pure arrogance, boldly proclaiming their dominance and predicting an inevitable Superbowl win. Afterwards they blow through the playoffs, not allowing a single point and in Superbowl XX, crush the New England Patriots 46-10, in the most lopsided non-Buffalo Bills related Superbowl in history.

But apparently, that's not even the most remarkable part of the story. As I learned through wikipedia, the shuffle actually reached #41 on the Billboard Charts and earned a GRAMMY NOMINATION for Best Rhythm & Blues Vocal Performance—Duo or Group (which they lost to Prince and the Revolution's "Kiss"). It also apparently inspired a whole slew of mostly unsuccessful imitators:

  • In 1986 The LA Raiders released "The Silver and Black Attack", based on "The Yellow and Black Attack" by Christian metal gods Stryper and the LA Rams released an original joint called "Let's Ram It", but neither team won a playoff game.
  • After winning the following years superbowl, the NY Giants released "Walk Like A Giant" a la "Walk Like an Egyptian"...a lame parody but at least they won.
  • In 1994, Pittsburgh Steelers coach Bill Cower vetoed a proposed plan for a song by the team. They ended up losing the AFC title game.
  • The 1999 Jacksonville Jaguars' terribly original "Uh Oh, The Jaguars Super Bowl Song" also stalled at the AFC title game.
  • Even outsourcing real musicians like Bootsy Collins for the 2005 Cincinnati Bengals anthem "Fear Da Tiger" led to an early bounce from the playoffs.
So even after over 20 years "the shuffle" remains the greatest, in terms of success, popularity, and sadly technical proficiency, in the incredibly exclusive category of sports team singles.

Which brings me back to my original dream. Imagine what an upset victory over the great Peyton Manning's Colts could possibly mean. That's the sort of special event that could once again send this team, with it's proud sports musical tradition of excellence, back into the studio. This time I think they could make it work. Hip-hop and R&B have come such a long way, along with studio technology, and we've moved far beyond star wipes in terms of visual effects. Think of it instead of the punky QB, it's Sexy Rexy. Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson could split carries on their verses. Robbie Gould could wail away on a soundless cowbell. Brian Urlacher doing the fakest looking sax solo ever. It'll be tough fitting Mushin Muhammed and Adewale Ogunleye in the lyrics, but it's possible. Devin Hester could do the I'm the rookie part at the end. They'll even have street cred, defensive tackle Tank Johnson got arrested for violating parole and had to get special permission to leave Illinois to even play in the Super Bowl. Throw in some rump shaking cheerleaders and some Hype Williams fish eye lens shots and pretty soon the Bears will be back to blowing your mind like they knew they would.

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