Boo! Four more supremely esoteric Halloween ideas for your consideration.

Here's a scary factoid for you, the last time Halloween fell on a Thursday was back in 2002. I don't know about you but the fact that 2002, my freshman year at NYU and my first Halloween in the city, was 11 years ago is downright terrifying. My god did I really let myself get that old? Spooky.

The cruel relentless march of time aside, I believe that Thursday Halloweens are the most difficult Halloweens to plan out later weekend festivities around. On one hand it does feel a bit odd to be having the "official" weekend Halloween after the actual holiday in November, but the weekend prior seems a bit far off too. There doesn't seem to be a true consensus among people as to which weekend is proper. Even Wednesday Halloweens despite being awkwardly right in the middle of the week, seem to have a general agreement to have it the weekend prior, since it'd be going too far into November. As for me I'm going with the Halloween in November crowd. I do want to be clear though that celebrating on Halloween to any degree itself is a given, just speaking about the weekends as well.

With that said and with Halloween a mere four days away I figured I would hand out some treats in the form of another four spot of last minute super esoteric Halloween costume ideas for the iconoclastic, yet still undecided costumed revilers. Remember, these are for the folks that seek true originality and uniqueness; who boldly shun the topical and the trending and are willing to risk an entire evening of confused inquiries and repeated, futile explanations. If anyone wants to know what I've decided on this year, I will just say it would have been a pretty dated reference...50 years ago.

Karl Malden from the American Express Traveler's Check Ads

The late Academy Award winning actor had a seven decade long career that included classic movies like "On The Waterfront" and "A Streetcar Named Desire" and TV work like "The Streets of San Francisco". If you ask your parents they'll tell you that during the 70s and 80s he was also in a series of well known advertisements for American Express Traveler's Checks, uttering the now famous line "Don't leave home without them". I also wanted to mention that there was episode of "Tiny Toons" that had a ridiculous reference to these ads that no child in the 90s would have ever recognized; this reference is even more absurd given the fact that this was the famous episode that was allegedly written by a trio of 8th grade girls. A snappy vintage suit, an imposing fedora, and a printed out copy of an American Express Traveler's check is really all you need to pull the whole thing off. If you wanted to add a dash of flair, you may want to put on a large fake nose to reference his famously prominent proboscis. Hopefully you may run into a couple who've had their wallets stolen and you can cut a promo right there (which I'm sure will comfort them for their loss).

The "I'd Buy That For A Dollar" Guy From Robocop

Is there any movie character that has gotten as much pop culture cache out of so little screen time than the bizarre catchphrase spouting television character seen in the movie "Robocop"? I think that clip is just about the entirety of his screen time in the movie. Despite the microscopic screen time and his superfluous relationship to the film's plot, every Robocop fans recalls that gross looking middle aged man. According to a Robocop Wiki the character's name is Bixby Snyder and the show within the movie is called "It's Not My Problem!", some kind of crude, low brow sitcom that's still widely popular (so it's kind of like "Two and a Half Men"). The costume itself is pretty low maintenance, you just need to get the proper specs and mustache. It would help if you're balding, but you could style your hair close to it. Slap on a cheap suit and a bow tie and you are ready to the evening. Be prepared to say you're catchphrase, a lot; it's pretty much the only thing he says. If you had truly dedicated friends you can get two of them to be the blond bimbos that he's flanked by to really complete the effect.

Toasty!

Fans of the Mortal Kombat series are familiar with the easter egg of the digitized image of game sound designer appearing in the lower-right corner of the screen saying "Toasty!" after a particularly vicious uppercut (you also got to face the secret character Smoke if you hit down and start when he appeared in Mortal Kombat 2). This is by far the simplest Halloween costume imaginable. You just wear a dark colored shirt (I guess black if you want to be Mortal Kombat 2 and the more prominent purple from Mortal Kombat 3). It really helps if you're an average white adult male. Additionally the costume would only work if you're popping up from people's lower right field of vision and saying "toasty!", whenever you're not doing that, you'll just look like someone who didn't wear a costume. Still, the amazing photobombing opportunities alone on this outfit make it worth the trouble. This costume would also be well utilized at events where people are actively cosplaying Mortal Kombat characters.

Simon, who is from Space

For those unfamiliar, this costume is from the reoccurring "Numberwang" sketch from the UK sketch comedy series "That Mitchell and Webb Look" (full disclosure, I was utterly and completely obsessed with this show, and generally all things Mitchell and Webb, for about a year after coming across the series on Netflix Instant a couple of years ago...alas the show is now longer available). The sketch revolves around a nonsensical game show "Numberwang" that mainly involves the same two contestants (Julie and Simon) naming random numbers and getting points if it's a "numberwang" with each sketch adding a weird new rule or round. This costume is for the third episode where contestant Simon is introduced as being "from Space" with accompanying t shirt. While not the most memorable of scenes I was drawn to it mainly because I found multiple websites selling this shirt; and since these suggestions are for those with a bit of a time crunch I thought it was an interesting choice. I just want to point out that since it's a comedy duo show there are whole bunch of esoteric duo costume possibilities; just off the top of my head "The Helivets", "Sir Digby Chicken Caesar and Ginger", "Angel Summoner and BMX Bandit". Seriously maybe I should just do a whole post on "Mitchell and Webb" costume ideas. 

Once again I would like to mention that all the above costumes are all technically for males, but modification for female variations are encouraged. Have fun, stay safe, and remember to trick or treat with the kid with the peanut allergies, you get all his Reese's.

Boo! Four supremely esoteric Halloween costume ideas for your consideration.

Halloween 2012 is less than a week away and the weekend is even closer. For anyone planning on participating in some All Hallows Eve festivities it is definitely crunch time for getting those costumes in order. I would like to clarify that this point that when I am referring to getting costumes in order I mean using resourcefulness and your innate sense of imagination to assemble a getup that is an original expression of yourself. I am also mainly focusing on costumes that are references to other things, mostly pop culture, cause well that's sort of my bag; but I'm for any costume that expresses creativity. Also I am not the biggest fan of the walking pun costume but I admire a good one when I see it; truth be told I actually may be leaning towards a pun costume this year.

I absolutely do not mean going out and buying some overpriced, Chinese exported, ill fitting, prefabricated sack of colorful flammable rags from some crowded party supply store. Frankly if you're the sort of person who purchases their entire sense of self expression comes from a mass produced plastic bag, I can't imagine I actually know you as a person since I would likely avoid associating with people who lack such creativity and generally souls.

For all those procrastinators, the indecisive, and the not yet inspired looking to put together their holiday attire I figured I'd throw out a few extra esoteric costume ideas I had bouncing around in my head, free of charge to anyone interested, like a fun sized Mounds bar or a razor blade filled apple. 

Now as someone whose Halloween costume track record has steered mostly towards the obscure over the years I just wanted to note some of the benefits of taking the road less traveled when picking costume ideas. The main overarching pro for going esoteric is that it makes you an original. It's hard to a be an original in this post modern day and age and especially on Halloween; and anyone who can really pull of a unique look should take great pride in it. It's fun being PSY but the joy is going to be a tad diminished when there's like 5 of you on the train at the same time. Another benefit of going esoteric is that if you do end up being an original, you become by default the best example of your costume. Could my 1964 Barry Goldwater costume two years ago have been a bit more historically accurate? Sure. Could my hair have been colored better? Of course. Was I probably the best Barry Goldwater in all of New York City that night? Most definitely. If you're going to be Bane you have to compete with that really serious jacked guy who actually shaved his head. The final benefit to going esoteric is that while you will most likely have to explain yourself to everyone you meet, the supreme joy you feel when someone actually gets your costume on their own is immeasurable. You might as well become best friends with them or if the situation fits propose to them right there because you may have just found your soul mate. I remember dressing up as the one eyed, asian, Russian roulette moderator at the end of the "Deer Hunter" years ago and literally one of the last persons I met that entire long night immediately got my character. I admit our marriage only lasted a few years, but the split was amicable and we still remained friends.  

Manny Fraker from Death Wish 3

Playing Gavin O'Herlihy's comically evil gang leader from the ultra violent, Reagan era snuff film, "Death Wish 3" will take some degree of dedication since you will have to shave (or somehow simulate) that ridiculous reverse mohawk. However, if you are bold enough to pull it off, rest assured, there will be no confusion over who you are. I am pretty sure that hairstyle has never been reproduced in the history of cinema. Once you get the hair and silly gang paint you're essentially done, the rest is pretty easy, just some generic 80's street gang attire, which basically means dressing like a standard hipster with maybe a leather jacket. You can even do a group costume with friends as other gang members, just as long as they have the matching "gang sign". I call the Giggler! 

Tan Shoes With Pink Shoelaces

This costume idea is one that perhaps some of the older Baby Boomers might appreciate. The entire costume is laid out in irresistibly catchy form by 13 year old Dodie Stevens on her famous #3 hit from 1959, "Pink Shoelaces". In the song she sings about her wildly eccentric boyfriend Dooley who has quite an idiosyncratic fashion sense. As the chorus lays out, he wears "tan shoes with pink shoelaces, a polka dot vest and man oh man...and a big Panama with a purple hat band"; it couldn't be any simpler. A real life rendition can be seen in this awkwardly charming homemade music video that goes to show that not all modern teens are sexting each other and doing bath salts (some are reenacting forgotten pop songs from the 50s). On a side note, I just realized right now creepy it was that Dooley, who was apparently old enough to enlist in the army, was dating a 13 year old.

Take That Ridiculous Thing Off Guy From UHF

To characterize the humor in the Weird Al Yankovic cult film "UHF" as lacking subtly is about as gross an understatement as saying the Sahara is lacking moisture. Nearly every joke and definitely all the acting by Weird Al is about as nuanced as a rocket launcher to the face. However, my all time favorite joke in the whole film, and the only one that legitimately caught me by surprise was the above scene where evil network president RJ Fletcher tells his one lackey, who shows up with a garish new hat, to "take that ridiculous thing off" only to have him unexpectantly take his mustache off. I also really appreciated the length of the set up for that joke, for the first half of the movie the guy always appeared with a mustache. In any case, the costume is not difficult at all: get yourself a suit, steal a hat from José Eber, slap on a fake mustache, and hope to God that you run into someone who is enough of a "UHF" fan to tell you take that ridiculous thing off. If will end up becoming the crowing moment of both your lives.

The Dylan Farnum Look

Any opportunistic twenty something could lazily piggyback on cheap 90s nostalgia by putting on some shorts and a green vest and going as everyone's favorite Nicktoon every man Doug Funnie. However, for the those who want to obnoxiously take it to the next level of obscurity, they should dress exactly like Doug but explain to anyone that points out their costume that they are in actuality just a random resident of Bluffington wearing the Dylan Farnum look. For those not familiar this, it is a reference to the Doug episode "Doug En Vogue" (which is apparently available in its entirety on the Nick website) where the star of a popular teen drama, Dylan Farnum, appears in an episode wearing Doug's exact outfit which in turn leads to everyone at school dressing like him and Doug trying in vain to explain to everyone that he has always worn this outfit and isn't copying Dylan Farnum. As a bonus alternative, you could also dress up in the crazy outfit Doug comes up with halfway through the episode when he tries to create a new ensemble that no one could possibly accuse him of copying only to have Judy show him that it's actually a real look called "The Schizo" (good luck trying to get that medallion that just says "RAP").

I realize now as I finish up that all the examples above are based on male characters. I personally encourage all woman readers to try their own female variations on the ideas above. I'm all for a little gender bending. Additionally, if you want to "slut up" the costumes a bit, as it is apparently the trend nowadays with female costumes, I suggest you just go down two sizes, replace the pants with hot pants, and unbutton most of the top buttons.

Happy Halloween everybody!

Boo! Five things that idiosyncratically scared the crap out of me when I was little...and still kinda creep me out today.

Halloween is upon us and lost amidst the brisk fall haze of excused debauchery, sugary snacks, fake cobwebs, and slutty maid/nurse/policewoman/state senator costumes is, in my view, the true ethos of Halloween: fear. We all know the pagan back story (or saw "The Crow"), the one night of the year where the boundaries of the living and the dead come together and all that spooky shit. Not to get all Bauhaus on everyone but I think the most universally scary thing about Halloween is that it is one of the few (and definitely the most prominent) holidays that reminds us of our inescapable mortality. Aside from the association with the dead, the leaves have all fallen, it's getting colder, darker and I think we all just sort of try to reconcile and disarm that grim feeling by having an over the top celebration of it whether it be partying all night, trick or treating, watching Saw IV, etc.

The fear on Halloween is different though, it's not like the boring real fears that plague us all in our everyday lives like fear of loneliness or global warming, or losing your job, or your hair,etc. Halloween is about the sort of irrational personal fear that makes you unique, the constant reminder of mortality sort of reminds you of those crazy things that you wouldn't be thinking about in the middle of August. However, I think it's a good thing in the long run to be scared and face your fear. I don't even mean like stand up to it, you can take one look at it and run away like a coward but at least you took a peek at it rather than just suppressing it. I don't know, that's just my two candy corns on Halloween, I mean I still dig the fact that it's turn back the woman's lib movement clock night.

So in the grand tradition of Halloween fear, here are five things that legitimately frightened me personally growing up and that I still to this day sort of find creepy:

The Door to Door Salesman from Pee Wee's Playhouse

Every other element about Pee Wee's playhouse I found comfort and joy in. I know some of my friends found the whole thing a bit unsettling on its own, I even had a friend who's parents wouldn't let him watch it. I for one always found the universe of Pee Wee to be quite comforting, like a peaceful happy utopia where your biggest problem was trying to get someone to say the secret word. This is what made the random times when the Salesman would show up all the more disturbing. It would aways catch you off guard, Pee Wee would be making ice cream soup or playing with tape or talking to the chair when all of a sudden the doorbell would ring, and you'd expect a friendly visitor: Cowboy Curtis, Miss Yvonne, Reba the Mail Lady, or fi you're lucky even The King of Cartoons, then suddenly this monster appears! The worst part was the music, it was the soundtrack to my nightmares, this super intense horror style score that was totally alien from any other music on the show. The Salesman itself was also a little intense at first sight; this giant headed caricature flailing around. No wonder it would always send Pee Wee screaming.

Mac Tonight

If you haven't figured it out already, growing up, I watched a lot of TV and in my formative years I was exposed to a lot of questionable advertising content, including Mac Tonight. This guy was basically my boogie man. I was too young to understand fully what he was advertising, all I knew was he had a regular body and this completely deformed, monstrously large moon head. Also since he was apparently created to advertise McDonald's late night hours, he always appeared at night inexplicably wearing sunglasses! The thing that made Mac truly scary to me was that he was not a cartoon and almost real enough to possibly exist in reality. You couldn't imagine the fear I had staring up at the ceiling in the dead of night half expecting this gigantic crescent with it's demonic smile peering into my window, ready to drag me away into the darkness.

The Twizzlers Mouth

This is another case of Madison Avenue shaping my childhood fears. I always had a thing against claymation. I still find the whole process unsettling. They're moving around, but in that unnatural stop motion sort of way. When I imagine my nightmares coming to life, they are always in stop motion. It's really the only way these improbable things could exist and move around in reality. So here I am this pre-teen being spoken to by a floating disembodied mouth that appeared so large on the living room television that it could have literally bitten my head off as easily as strand of Twizzler. How could this mouth exist? Was it part of another unfortunate giant's face? Where do the Twizzlers go when he eats them?!? When I finally was able to forget enough about Mac Tonight to fall asleep, the Mouth was waiting for me in my dreams...with the Pee Wee song!

Emil from Robocop

Robocop is one of my all time favorite action movies, a film I can endlessly watch anytime. However, if I had a time machine I'd go back in time to tell my parents that it is an incredibly irresponsible move to expose your 8 year old to a rental copy of. The violence didn't really get to me, it was so over the top that it approached the realm of the cartoonish where it was so removed from reality that it couldn't have been a bad influence. The part that scarred me for life was towards the end when Emil, one of Boddicker's gang members crashes into a vat of toxic waste and comes out a half alive mess of former humanity. His skin, hair, fingernails, appendages, are all literally melting off him as he's crawling around desperately calling for help. This totally caught me off guard, I thought he'd die like the dozens of other people in the film when he crashed into the waste but then to show this walking horror living a fate worst then death, it blew my mind. I still cringe when I watch that scene and still feel the same wave of relief when he gets run over and put out of his misery. Considering how much this short scene of horror traumatized me, I'm forever grateful I didn't get to see the Jeff Goldblum "Fly" until I was much older.

Johnny Cab from Total Recall

Paul Verhoeven 2. My carefree childhood 0. "Total Recall" is definitely a top 10 all time desert island movie in my book. I might one of these days write my take on why it just may be the greatest action movie (possibly even just movie) ever made. However from a children's perspective you're better off showing hardcore pornography to your little child. At least with the porno your child would probably lose interest and forget about it in week. There are literally about a dozen deeply disturbing scenes in this movie that scared me to the point where I became wary of the VHS tape itself, knowing what kind of demented visions it held. Where do I begin, the big eyed Arnold struggling for air on Mars, that freaky fat woman disguise he wears, Kuato, that mutant cab driver, the three breasted hooker, all wildly inappropriate for little eyes. However, all the unsettling horrors of the film are synthesized by the Johnny Cab robot. There's just something so inexplicably creepy about his faux-human face, dead eyes, ominously cheery voice. There's also the element that once you get into one of these futuristic robot cabs, your life is in the nonexistent hands this evil head and torso. Then there's that final scene with it where the cab has crashed and his face is melting and he's still talking. It encapsulates all my fears about robots.